We can look forward to the secular media informing us that the next successor of St Peter is a ‘step backwards for the Church’. Let’s hope so.
This list is for those praying that the that the Conclave’s chosen one represents ‘fifty steps back for the Church’.
1. His Eminence Albert Malcolm Cardinal Ranjith Patabandige Don
A man with five names who speaks ten languages and the current Ordinary of the Archdiocese of Colombo (Sri Lanka). Has celebrated several high profile traditional Masses and is often pictured on traditionalist blogs in extremely nice vestments and with impressively tall miters. From the Asian continent, which will delight the progressive media, until such time as they background him and find out he is a Roman Catholic. In a typical example of his perspicacity he said those opposed to Benedict XVI’s Summorum Pontificum were allowing themselves to be ‘used as instruments of the devil’.
2. His Eminence Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke
An American leader who would work for the common good rather than the general wickedness? That’s Cardinal Burke. Pro-life to the core, he led the brave common sense effort to deny King Herod’s baby killing disciples Holy Communion (which, amazingly enough, was controversial within Catholic circles during Presidential election season). Also, celebrates the Tridentine Mass regularly and is the head of the Supreme Court (that’s the Vatican one; the anti-Roe court). Was Ordained by Paul VI (in one of that Pope’s finer moments). Pope Leo XIV versus Barack Obama (you wouldn’t need Don King to sell tickets to that one)…
3. His Eminence Juan Luis Cipriani Cardinal Thorne
A Cardinal member of Opus Dei whose election would cause Jesuits and Dan Brown readers the world over to go into apoplexy. Banned communion in the hand in his Diocese: “I maintain that the best way to administer Communion is on the tongue, so much so that in my diocese I have forbidden the host in the hand." A Google search of Cardinal Cipriani controversial garnered 1,1000,000 hits, which has to be a good thing. Probably more of a conservative than a Traditionalist per se, he would no doubt be a forceful voice on the moral issues, and is one of the Cardinals of higher learning that realises the Ordination of women is impossible (except at fancy dress parties and Anglican conviviums).
4. His Lordship Athanasius Schneider
Seems like he has celebrated the Latin Mass on nearly every continent (save Antarctica, but I’m looking into it). He is an Auxiliary Bishop from Astana in Kazakhstan(?), which although not considered a traditionally Catholic area, it does lay claim to one of the world’s most elaborate Masonic buildings. +Schneider himself opposes Freemasonry; which is good for a Pope. He is not a Cardinal, so he won’t vote. That didn’t stop Urban VI (who was elected a few moons ago in 1378). Like Urban VI, a +Schneider papacy would probably be followed by a schism, which mighn’t be a bad thing because it would be liberal catholics running for the nearest Uniting Church to escape the incense.
5. His Excellency Bishop Bernard Fellay
I’d have to talk to the bookies, but I presume it’s a long-shot. Then again so was a Papal abdication. Maybe the Cardinal electors will be led by a dream (a la Peter the First). As for being outside the College of Cardinals, see Urban VI above. As he is the Superior General of the SSPX, some canonists say he is still suspended a divinis. Although I’m no canonist, I presume a Pope can lift his own suspension, or perhaps clarify that it was a nullity to begin with (hey, everyone else gets annulments these days…) He’s the kind of Bishop who calls for ‘Rosary crusades’ (two words that offend liberals on two counts). If this truly remarkable election took place then marvels would abound (including a Paolo-Gabriele-type-Papal-pardon for Bishop Williamson, perhaps). It would also probably usher in the era of the Apocalypse.
6. His Eminence Christoph Maria Michael Hugo Damian Peter Adalbert Graf Cardinal von Schönborn
… just kidding. Seriously, he’d be terrible.
Yours sincerely and optimistically that it’s 1,2, 3, 4 or 5