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Author Topic: Politely turning guy down  (Read 23133 times)

QuisUtDeus

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #260 on: February 07, 2011, 10:35:am »
Okay, I like those hairbows.

But do I have to wear one?

Of course not.  I don't think anyone suggested you have to, either.

I think, short of an abusive situation, people should have the marriage they build together.  They should also be able to attract the kind of spouse they want as long as they don't engage in immodesty.

I never liked "girly girls", but there's nothing wrong with it.  I liked this:

(Broken image of Sean Yseault)

Or this:



That would have attracted my attention.  Those chicks with bows, not really.  Especially not Sarah Jessica Parker.  I don't find her attractive at all.

But a bow works great on Sean.  Well, in this case, a bone.








QuisUtDeus

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #261 on: February 07, 2011, 10:36:am »
And Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't even have a human face anymore  :laughing:

I never found her attractive to begin with.  Especially on "Square Pegs"  But, to each their own.

Satori

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #262 on: February 07, 2011, 11:01:am »
My problem with books like FW is that they promote one way of being a woman for everyone, and if there are problems in your marriage, it's probably your fault. You weren't feminine enough (according to the books' very narrow definition of femininity), you acted too competent, you weren't able to read your husband's mind, whatever.

I'm not much on advice books to begin with because they start with the assumption that everyone is basically alike or falls into one of several distinct camps. If I were going to write a book advising women on being good wives, however, I'd say things like: If you're a housewife, do your job well. Cook and clean as well as you can and take care of the kids lovingly and try not to slack off or complain too much about it. Give your husband a kiss and a hug when he leaves for work and another one when he comes home. Make sure everyone takes their vitamins. Keep healthy and strong as far as you are able so you can fulfill your vocation, and dress and style your hair in ways your husband will find attractive (within reason). Don't nag. Have enough sex to keep everyone happy. Read a good book at least once a month. Brush your teeth three times a day. Don't undermine your husband's role, but don't let him take advantage of you in yours. Forgive. If you can't laugh at your husband's dumb jokes, try to at least scrape up a smile. Learn to use a screwdriver. Be prepared to wait patiently for better times.

I'd never tell a woman to change her laugh or give up what she likes to drink or whatever.
"Skeptics will always prevail. God gives us just enough to seek Him, and never enough to fully find Him. To do more would inhibit our freedom, and our freedom is very dear to God." --Ron Hansen, "Mariette in Ecstasy"

frerejacques

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #263 on: February 07, 2011, 11:58:am »
I always wear bows in my hair.  Always.

"If I prayed God that all people should approve of my conduct, I should find myself a penitent at the door of each one, but I shall rather pray that my heart may be pure toward all."

Satori

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #264 on: February 07, 2011, 12:36:pm »
"Harold and Maude," "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane"? Congratulations, Frere, you've creeped me out twice in one morning just with brief movie references.
"Skeptics will always prevail. God gives us just enough to seek Him, and never enough to fully find Him. To do more would inhibit our freedom, and our freedom is very dear to God." --Ron Hansen, "Mariette in Ecstasy"


OCLittleFlower

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #265 on: February 07, 2011, 01:01:pm »
I don't think it has to be for everyone, in fact, I posted about it with quite a few disclaimers.   :)
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QuisUtDeus

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #266 on: February 07, 2011, 01:35:pm »
My problem with books like FW is that they promote one way of being a woman for everyone, and if there are problems in your marriage, it's probably your fault. You weren't feminine enough (according to the books' very narrow definition of femininity), you acted too competent, you weren't able to read your husband's mind, whatever.

I'm not much on advice books to begin with because they start with the assumption that everyone is basically alike or falls into one of several distinct camps. If I were going to write a book advising women on being good wives, however, I'd say things like: If you're a housewife, do your job well. Cook and clean as well as you can and take care of the kids lovingly and try not to slack off or complain too much about it. Give your husband a kiss and a hug when he leaves for work and another one when he comes home. Make sure everyone takes their vitamins. Keep healthy and strong as far as you are able so you can fulfill your vocation, and dress and style your hair in ways your husband will find attractive (within reason). Don't nag. Have enough sex to keep everyone happy. Read a good book at least once a month. Brush your teeth three times a day. Don't undermine your husband's role, but don't let him take advantage of you in yours. Forgive. If you can't laugh at your husband's dumb jokes, try to at least scrape up a smile. Learn to use a screwdriver. Be prepared to wait patiently for better times.

I'd never tell a woman to change her laugh or give up what she likes to drink or whatever.

The best way to find out what your husband wants is ask him.  Men generally aren't coy.  If you ask him if he would like you to wear bows in your hair, he'll probably tell you if he would or not unless he thinks it's a trap.

So, yeah, anyone who blindly follows any type of advice is doing the wrong thing.  Continuing the bow example, it only makes sense if the husband likes it and the wife is willing to do it.  If one of those isn't the case, find something else.  And vice versa for husbands doing things to make their wives happy.

But that's why busybodiness doesn't work either.  Erin's self-described life of playing video games and such might be OK with her DH because what makes him happy is for her to be in a good mood and that helps her be in one, but it wouldn't be with others.  For them, maybe the bow would work, and they should probably go with it.

As long as something isn't immoral or abusive, whatever.   People can wear red noses and squirt seltzer bottles at each other if it gives them marital bliss for all I care.

It's kinda intriguing for me to read some of this stuff because being INFP I tend to be happy when I make others happy.  I get a lot of self-fulfillment making lunch for my kids or whatever.  So when I read threads about how it's degrading - or whatever else might be implied - for a woman to want to make sammiches, the concept is foreign to me.  Completely foreign.  If I don't mind doing something, and it makes someone else happy, what's the problem?

See, that's my INFP, not my y chromosome.

Quote
Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity, Healers can feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.

I'll never understand why making a sammich or wearing a bow (or watching a ballet or a chick flick for guys) is such a problem as long as it isn't coerced.  If making someone you love happy is that easy, why not?

QuisUtDeus

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #267 on: February 07, 2011, 01:37:pm »
"Harold and Maude," "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane"? Congratulations, Frere, you've creeped me out twice in one morning just with brief movie references.

Bows work on Baby Jane, but for a whole different reason.   :laughing:

Satori

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #268 on: February 07, 2011, 01:59:pm »
This INFP agrees with you.

Besides, a housewife complaining about making sammiches for her husband is silly, unless he's demanding them night and day. Every employed person has things he doesn't like about his job, usually lots of things, but he knows he's supposed to do them and try to do an okay job and not complain too much. But I've known so many housewives who get angry at the suggestion that they are supposed to do some cleaning or provide meals, because they don't like to do it and don't think the husband has a right to expect it. Why? Why doesn't he have the right to expect it? If my husband came home one day and said he'd decided not to work anymore because he just didn't care for it, I'd be pretty angry. Same principle, right? (And no, I am not talking about husbands who never let their wives have a break or who demand things like pressed and starched bedsheets.)
"Skeptics will always prevail. God gives us just enough to seek Him, and never enough to fully find Him. To do more would inhibit our freedom, and our freedom is very dear to God." --Ron Hansen, "Mariette in Ecstasy"

piabee

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Re: Politely turning guy down
« Reply #269 on: February 07, 2011, 03:54:pm »
I can't sympathize with people who are scared of spiders. They're called irrational fears for a reason and I just don't understand.

I like spiders, but I can sympathize with people who are scared because I have my own irrational fear.  I've read that the commonest phobia is fear of public speaking.  How are you about that?

I get nervous, obviously, but it hasn't killed me yet.
Unicorns are real; they're just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

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 Moral:
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