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Author Topic: Grandparents Home  (Read 325 times)

divinesilence80

Grandparents Home
« on: February 09, 2017, 12:25:am »
I really need some help / guidance here guys. As some of you may have seen, my last grandparent (grandmother) passed away almost 3 months ago. My grandfather passed a little over a year before her. They were immensely influential in keeping the flame of faith lit for me. They were also both very humble people and the loss of that humility in my life has wiped me out. Growing up they were always there for their grandkids. They did not let us walk over them, but they weren't brutes either. We could talk to them about anything. They were warm people that you just wanted to be around even if you were just talking about the weather.

In any case less than a month before my grandmother passed away, my wife and I signed the contract for our new house. We wanted to move for several reasons. 1) The basement apartment was getting a bit crowded with 2 babies. 2) We like to entertain family / friends but didn't have the space to do it without intruding on my grandmother somewhat although we always included her in our plans. 3) A disgruntled uncivil uncle. 4) Wanted to get in the market before interest rates went up (thankfully we did).

#1 could have been managed, but #3 was really becoming an issue. This uncle was spewing such garbage about my wife and I behind our backs, and he would explode at my grandmother over stupid things not related to his issues with us. To be honest I just wanted to get my family out of that situation and hope that with us gone, uncle nutcase would calm down somewhat.

Our new house has lots of room, big backyard, and is fixed fairly nice. It is however 45 minutes one way from my work and about 30 minutes from my parents (in-laws live out of state). We decided on the house because it is nice and the price (purchase and taxes) was right. As great as all that sounds, I've been really saddened that we missed out now on buying my grandparents house which would have been at least as good a buy (ok their house needed a good deal of work....and it has no dining room).

The purchasing of our new house went mostly smooth and I largely credited that to my grandfather advocating for us to God to get us out of my uncles toxic path. Now, I don't know. Perhaps I was letting myself be dazzled by a bunch of materialistic garbage and the "advocating on our behalf" was really to just have faith and pray to stay. Maybe if I had just carried that cross and dealt with the uncle's nonsense, which was not to my face but behind my back, I would have bought the house I had so many great memories in. My commute would be much shorter and we'd be closer to my parents. The commute is not horrible, but it was better.

I also think my grandma was sad to see us moving out. I think us living with her gave her a purpose after my grandfather passed away. With us looking to move out, I think she just couldn't bear another major upheaval in her life like that. After my grandfather passed away, I started seriously thinking about buying the house but didn't know how long my grandmother would be with us. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (wasn't what claimed her....bled to death of an ulcer behind the radiated tumor) the prognosis was positive since the docs caught it before it spread anywhere.

I guess I just needed to get this out there.....you can't "return" a house and selling it would be a major pain in the ass (which I think I can't do anyway for 1 year since the interest rate is dependent upon living in it for that amount of time). The moral of this story as I see it is don't let a bully force your hand.

Thoughts?
Local anti-feminist.....if you think women deserve special treatment without any accountability for their actions expect to hear from me!

dahveed

Re: Grandparents Home
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2017, 07:19:am »
DS80, if I may, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I fully understand mourning the loss of your grandparents. Mine were, in their ways, extremely influential and very dear to me.  I've previously described events following my grandfather's death here.

Keep in mind that you had several reasons for buying your house. Not just the desire to be away from an uncivil uncle, nor just the lack of space for entertaining family and friends, but to grow as a family. While it's easy to blame yourself for things beyond your control, such as your uncle's behavior, remember that you didn't possess foreknowledge of your grandmother's passing, nor any of the rest. You did the best you could, given the circumstances and knowing what the two of you knew.

While you cannot change these things that disturb you, you can try to look at them from a different point of view. Cherish your memories of your grandparents, and tell your children what wonderful people they were. Emulate them in your own life. Pray for your uncle. I'm adding you, your uncle and the repose of the soul of your grandmother to my regular intentions.
Eternal Father, I offer Thee the most precious blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the Masses said Throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in Purgatory. Amen.

divinesilence80

Re: Grandparents Home
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2017, 11:05:pm »
DS80, if I may, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I fully understand mourning the loss of your grandparents. Mine were, in their ways, extremely influential and very dear to me.  I've previously described events following my grandfather's death here.

Keep in mind that you had several reasons for buying your house. Not just the desire to be away from an uncivil uncle, nor just the lack of space for entertaining family and friends, but to grow as a family. While it's easy to blame yourself for things beyond your control, such as your uncle's behavior, remember that you didn't possess foreknowledge of your grandmother's passing, nor any of the rest. You did the best you could, given the circumstances and knowing what the two of you knew.

While you cannot change these things that disturb you, you can try to look at them from a different point of view. Cherish your memories of your grandparents, and tell your children what wonderful people they were. Emulate them in your own life. Pray for your uncle. I'm adding you, your uncle and the repose of the soul of your grandmother to my regular intentions.

I think a lot of this is me being nostalgic for the past too. Today's world just seems so unhumble, predictable, and futile. I realized the other day that my kids will never know what it is like to not be able to Google something. A board game will look like an artifact that belongs in a museum. They will look at my great-grandparents' photos the way we do at Civil War pictures.

Also, there are 2 things bugging me (pun intended). The new house has (or had) termites and I just found more damage today. To fix the termite damage (and hope they are gone) is going to either be a pain or cost a lot. I can't do a self-termite treatment since the good termiticides like Altrice and Termidor cannot be shipped to NY (NY state is such a piece of &^#$#$%). If I have to pay someone its going to be expensive. Headaches I wouldn't have at my grandparents house (but do in the new house). Not to mention the additional 15-30 mins commute depending on traffic.
Local anti-feminist.....if you think women deserve special treatment without any accountability for their actions expect to hear from me!

Jeeter

Re: Grandparents Home
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 12:48:pm »
I can't do a self-termite treatment since the good termiticides like Altrice and Termidor cannot be shipped to NY (NY state is such a piece of &^#$#$%). If I have to pay someone its going to be expensive.

Ouch.  I don't know where you are in NY, but what's the chance of driving to another state, buying the good stuff, then coming home to nuke the termites?  Perhaps make it a family road trip? (obviously to do more than just buy bug spray)
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

If anyone does not wish to have Mary Immaculate for his mother, he will not have Christ for his brother. -Saint Maximilian Kolbe

Just remember, everyone, Socrates was a stonemason and Christ was a carpenter... - Pilgrim

mpk1987

Re: Grandparents Home
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2017, 04:59:pm »
DS80, if I may, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I fully understand mourning the loss of your grandparents. Mine were, in their ways, extremely influential and very dear to me.  I've previously described events following my grandfather's death here.

Keep in mind that you had several reasons for buying your house. Not just the desire to be away from an uncivil uncle, nor just the lack of space for entertaining family and friends, but to grow as a family. While it's easy to blame yourself for things beyond your control, such as your uncle's behavior, remember that you didn't possess foreknowledge of your grandmother's passing, nor any of the rest. You did the best you could, given the circumstances and knowing what the two of you knew.

While you cannot change these things that disturb you, you can try to look at them from a different point of view. Cherish your memories of your grandparents, and tell your children what wonderful people they were. Emulate them in your own life. Pray for your uncle. I'm adding you, your uncle and the repose of the soul of your grandmother to my regular intentions.

I think a lot of this is me being nostalgic for the past too. Today's world just seems so unhumble, predictable, and futile. I realized the other day that my kids will never know what it is like to not be able to Google something. A board game will look like an artifact that belongs in a museum. They will look at my great-grandparents' photos the way we do at Civil War pictures.

Also, there are 2 things bugging me (pun intended). The new house has (or had) termites and I just found more damage today. To fix the termite damage (and hope they are gone) is going to either be a pain or cost a lot. I can't do a self-termite treatment since the good termiticides like Altrice and Termidor cannot be shipped to NY (NY state is such a piece of &^#$#$%). If I have to pay someone its going to be expensive. Headaches I wouldn't have at my grandparents house (but do in the new house). Not to mention the additional 15-30 mins commute depending on traffic.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.  But I hope maybe I can give a little advice about the termites.  I realize the laws vary from state to state, but this might be able to help you.  When we bought our house, we had to have a separate termite inspection.  This inspector said our house was all clear.  Then, a few months after we moved in, my husband noticed termites near our back door.  He called up the termite inspector and reported this.  The termite inspector agreed to come by and treat it, if not for a nominal fee, then for free.  I can't remember. 

If you had the inspector give you a clear report and now there's an issue in such a short time, it's clearly because he missed something and he owes you some help at the very least.  Call him up and discuss it.  Be civil but if he is ornery then let him know you'll leave a critical review online (if he has a Yelp or Google review page) to let others know that he failed at his job and doesn't correct his mistakes.  If he doesn't have a web presence then you can tell him you'll report his incompetence to your real estate agent so the agent doesn't recommend his services.  Sometimes you have to play hardball when it comes to house services but usually these servicemen are good people and will help you out when it's clear that they're in the wrong.


Sequentia

Re: Grandparents Home
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2017, 05:32:pm »
Regarding board games and your kids, tabletop gaming is as popular as ever, especially with the teenage and older adult crowds. Comic book stores and card shops-at least around here-are prominent venues for hosting "board game nights" and sell shelves full of board/tabletop games. Gaming conventions often include vendors or events dedicated to board games/tabletop gaming. Used bookstores are becoming a place where you can find board games-both old and new.

Good trading card games that allow for creativity are Magic the Gathering and Pokemon. After 25+ something years, Magic the Gathering is still popular with all ages and still running strong. And yes, adults will play Pokemon competitively (I was "one of those" competitive players, although I played online  :grin:). No computers necessary for MtG or Pokemon, though online versions exist.

Playing board/tabletop/trading card games with your kids is a great idea. Not only can you introduce them to gaming but you can supervise all the games they are playing....covert helicopter parenting.

Rest assured, board games are not seen as artifacts and I highly doubt they will be seen that way any time soon. No matter what there will always be a segment of the population-including myself-who appreciates gaming in all forms.
"The problem with you sir, is that your intelligence enables you to evaluate people critically and when you evaluate people critically, you bring danger upon yourself."   -Lao Tzu

"And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: [...] creeping things [...] of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so." -Genesis 1:24 (RSV:CE)

Vive les Catholiques de la Vendée!


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