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Greetings, [Image: hellosmiley.gif]

I am posting this topic in this forum as to not create a right kerfuffle similar to that which occurred when I asked if it was a sin to want to die, but as I am no longer allowed on the computer in weekdays, I have to face my hyperacousis much more and, honestly, I get pretty miserable sometimes. I do not want to sound like I am asking for public pity, but I have to explain: I have somewhat lost my perception of the value of life. Even when I am not suffering, I ask myself: why be pro-life if it is to be miserable? Why be pro-life when more than half the world is born to a miserable slum? Why stop people from committing suicide? What is wrong with murder already? (Sorry if that sounds bad …)

I do not understand; I am confused, a little lost: I have lost my perception of the value of life, of its meaning. I am therefore asking if you can provide me with reading material, and thoughts that I can invoke in moments of suffering, related to the above questions and to the value of life.

Thank you so very much! [Image: embarrassed.gif]

Edit: I received a most charitable e-mail and would just like to say that no, I am not depressed, and I am usually fine when not suffering, but the resulting annoyance blinds one; I am just a little confused.

Every soul born is an opportunity for another soul to glorify God eternally.

The point of life is not to have an enjoyable one here and now, but eternally.

I am sorry to hear about your suffering, that can be difficult, and I will pray for you. I hope you get some better answers too!

I think I used to suffer in a similar way when I was in my early twenties.  I love my Mom dearly, and the thought of hurting her prevented me from ever becoming truly suicidal.  But I do remember wishing that I could end my life somehow, and I also felt sorry for everyone else suffering.  I used to think that the world would be a better place if most of the people suddenly died.
 
I'm not sure what I did exactly that made that feeling go away except praying.  I said some very heart-felt prayers during some very dark moments.  It seems God saw fit to give me the grace to slowly separate myself from a very sinful life, and it all got alot better.  In fact, for a few years now I have experienced a great deal of joy, and I have God to thank for that.
 
Know that these dark thoughts will pass, and pray for guidance.  I will pray for you as well [Image: prayer3.gif].
Thank you both very much for your answers and prayers.

Searching for value of life, I stumbled upon an enyclical by John Paul II, Evangelium vitae, which seems to be exactly the reading that I need.

This is a question that I think you might find some answers to outside systematic aristotelian philosophy.
 
I am a scholastic 100%...and yet I believe there may be a place for existentialist and post-modernist theories. Not to contradict Thomism, but to broaden it to areas it by its nature cannot go. Because those other "philosophies" are not so much philosophies, as meta-philosophies.
 
It's like logic. You can't prove logic with logic. Ultimately, it comes down to choice. The choice to be good. The choice to be rational. The choice to value what God values.
 
I know what you mean about doubting the value of life. I notice that unrestrained by the Church teaching, my wishes for the world tend towards the ultimate destruction of the human race. Scary sometimes. What would I do if I were the leader of the world? Well, impose an ideal Catholic government. But my second choice would be to put everyone into comas and let them die peacefully when it was their time.
 
And that IS the next logical option, if there is no God. If there is no God, then I choose to find meaning in nothing else. But there is.
 
Another issue is...we didn't choose to be born. I didn't agree to these rules, didn't make a contract saying God can send me to hell if I choose to "opt out" of the game through suicide. But He's God. I didn't have to agree to the rules. He can impose them and their consequences on me as He likes. And yet still, there is a terrible angst and rage towards the world: I didn't ask to be part of this, I'd rather not to have ever existed. Obviously, if I didn't ever exist, I couldnt make that choice. But now that I do, it seems I should be able to opt out. I wouldn't deserve anything good, any heaven, but I should be able to destroy the Self and have nothingness instead of hell.
 
Yet I can't. And I know that ultimately there is redemption. That this utter dependence is beautiful. And yet I didn't ask for beauty...
 
It's a definite issue. It definitely is.
Sounds like you are going through what is called the dark night of the soul. God created every soul to love Him, no matter what the worldly conditions are surrounding their life. Perhaps the Book of Job would help. Persisting in prayer has even more merit in times like this.
God bless you
I thank you both very much for your answers. Though I am no longer in a dark night of the soul, as rider appropriately puts it, they make for reassuring reading.