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In my son's case, eye contact has been almost physically painful since he was an infant. Therefore, it cannot be attitude nor an expression of esteem. The contact is too intense. I have had professional contact with three adults with the same issue. They've been off-the-chart smart but interaction with "normal" people is so erratic and unpredictable that it is too difficult for him to trust. That's why we had to take him out of school, forty randomly behaving students was just too painful to him. It was exhausting and draining to him. He was impossible by the time he came home.

I have no idea what he's going to be like when he becomes a teen. I just hope he doesn't discover sex before marriage (if he takes to it like Legos and trains) he could be facing charges!
(07-27-2009, 10:43 PM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: [ -> ]still all of this doesnt help a father who never heard of As, whos first child has it,( I thought he was just going through an Arshole phase, so understandebly I was sever about the way he was treating others)  and this father spent almost 15 years apparently alienating him to the degree he wont spend more  then 30 seconds talking to me. Now as far as I can tell AS or not my son is in a state of mortal sin for dishonering his parents, ( I dont care about honor for my self, I just dont want my son to die in mortal sin), how can I get through to him! (Also remember he adamantly denys haveing AS in any form) Is there some clever or AS way of getting him simply to sit with me and hash out, undo and reset our relationship...or is this simply my cross. :( (Im not looking for sympathy, but practical advice)

How old is he?
(07-27-2009, 11:41 PM)DarkKnight Wrote: [ -> ]I have no idea what he's going to be like when he becomes a teen. I just hope he doesn't discover sex before marriage (if he takes to it like Legos and trains) he could be facing charges!
Most of the time, the personality remains the same but all problems become less problematic as the person matures and gets more experience. It is hard to say what can't be helped and what can be changed. You probably don't have to worry about sex any more than any other child. However, depending on his exact situation, you should in time make sure he knows what is right and wrong and what is appropriate and inappropriate explicitly so he isn't confused by anything.

(07-28-2009, 12:21 AM)Rosarium Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-27-2009, 11:41 PM)DarkKnight Wrote: [ -> ]I have no idea what he's going to be like when he becomes a teen. I just hope he doesn't discover sex before marriage (if he takes to it like Legos and trains) he could be facing charges!
Most of the time, the personality remains the same but all problems become less problematic as the person matures and gets more experience. It is hard to say what can't be helped and what can be changed. You probably don't have to worry about sex any more than any other child. However, depending on his exact situation, you should in time make sure he knows what is right and wrong and what is appropriate and inappropriate explicitly so he isn't confused by anything.

He's a compulsive snuggler, the good news is that it's causing his 13-year-old sister to learn some slick elbow maneuvers that will serve her well when she dates!
(07-27-2009, 11:16 PM)devotedknuckles Wrote: [ -> ]as harsh as this may sound.
the world will hammer him into shape. he will either swallow his shit and deal with it or he will fall and end up on street or he will die. maybe all three. really he may need time to go and get banged up.  u know u never know what you lose till you lose it. maybe when hes sitting sobbing his eye's out under a bridge or in prison beside bubba or alone in a fancy condo a successful programmer loneliness and what a prick hes been to hes da and ma, those tears may get through to him. might take years. might never get through.
u did your part. the best u could. u could of done better sure like any man. but now your son is a man and its his turn for the world to grind. and the worlds real good at grinding asshole kids weather they have this thing or not. before you toss his ass out have a beer with him. even if he spits in your face because by the sound  of it hes gonna need it. even if he doesn't want to face the eyes of the world the world will force its cold eyes down his throat. its a mean place. it really is.
as harsh as it sounds.
the truth hurts.

The truth can hurt, but that is rather nonsensical... When dealing with possibly medical issues, you should be a bit more careful about your advice.

(07-27-2009, 10:43 PM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: [ -> ]still all of this doesnt help a father who never heard of As, whos first child has it,( I thought he was just going through an Arshole phase, so understandebly I was sever about the way he was treating others)  and this father spent almost 15 years apparently alienating him to the degree he wont spend more  then 30 seconds talking to me. Now as far as I can tell AS or not my son is in a state of mortal sin for dishonering his parents, ( I dont care about honor for my self, I just dont want my son to die in mortal sin), how can I get through to him! (Also remember he adamantly denys haveing AS in any form) Is there some clever or AS way of getting him simply to sit with me and hash out, undo and reset our relationship...or is this simply my cross. :( (Im not looking for sympathy, but practical advice)
About honouring parents, he may be doing the best he can. Depending on how you treated him, avoiding you may be the only way he can honour you. He may deny having it, but really know he does.
(07-28-2009, 12:27 AM)DarkKnight Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-28-2009, 12:21 AM)Rosarium Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-27-2009, 11:41 PM)DarkKnight Wrote: [ -> ]I have no idea what he's going to be like when he becomes a teen. I just hope he doesn't discover sex before marriage (if he takes to it like Legos and trains) he could be facing charges!
Most of the time, the personality remains the same but all problems become less problematic as the person matures and gets more experience. It is hard to say what can't be helped and what can be changed. You probably don't have to worry about sex any more than any other child. However, depending on his exact situation, you should in time make sure he knows what is right and wrong and what is appropriate and inappropriate explicitly so he isn't confused by anything.

He's a compulsive snuggler, the good news is that it's causing his 13-year-old sister to learn some slick elbow maneuvers that will serve her well when she dates!

That should be broken as soon as possible especially when he starts going to school. It may be a learned behavior from when he was a child (he may not quite get that what was appropriate with his mother is not appropriate with others.)

Schools these days are anal about "sexual harrassment" and even apply it to 7 year olds! Initiating any physical contact should be restricted to handshakes I think.
(07-26-2009, 03:46 PM)orate Wrote: [ -> ]I have 2 sons who have ADD or AD/HD as it is now called. 
They are two different things:
ADD: attention deficit disorder
ADHD:  attention deficit hyperactive disorder

There IS a difference!
Quote:Neither of my sons is/was a behavior problem.  But AD/HD is a very real phenomenon.  The problems with focusing and staying on task are not something the ADD person has control over.

My oldest adult son has made accomodations to the disorder but he is still has it.  I tried change in diet.  Took out all unnatural sugars and additives and such as best I could.  That did not help him.  I do believe that there is a physiologic basis to it.  At the time the only medication available was Ritalin.  We did a trial of Ritalin.  It did not help and made him very depressed so we stopped after one week.    I always encouraged him to succeed and told him he could do anything he put his mind to doing, but that it might take more effort for him than it does for others.  He basically just learned to cope and work around his ADD.
From my personal experience, this is best.
Quote:He is a very talented artist, has his A.A. degree in commercial art and pushes a broom at a local hospital to support himself.  He does this because the stress of dealing with production deadlines, is just too much for him.  He loves his job--no pressure--his co-workers  and patients love him and he's gotten 4 president's awards for outstanding service. He once drew pictures and entertained a woman's children in the ER after his shift for a couple of hours so that she could tend to her sick husband, for which he received one of the awards.
Good for him...

We need an emoticon with a smile and tears...
Quote:Like the Aspies the ADD's are very much misunderstood and I think, having dealt with both, have some similar characteristics.
Yes but they are also so very different that I kind of wonder why they are the same thread (though my knowledge of Aspergers is very limited).
Quote:My 12 year old also has ADD.  Very smart--no behavior problem other than his "singing" and "dancing around" driving his family crazy.  There are now much better medications available.  My son has remarked on how much easier it is to concentrate at school now that he is on his medication.  In one year he's gone from a "B-C" student to straight "A's."  I was worried when he got to middle school and had to get from class to class.  But with the medication it has been no problem.  He want's to be a microbiologist when he grows up and I don't doubt that he'll succeed.  I only wish some of theses meds were available 20 years ago when his older brother was struggling.

So after 33 years of dealing with AD/HD.  Don't anyone tell me that it is a false diagnosis.  With my experience I can tell you that it is definitely physiologically based.  Believe me, generally I have no love for the misuse of pharmaceuticals, but when used properly and followed up on, they can change lives.
I see them (drugs) as a temporary fix at best though. 

Make sure he doesn't become overly dependent, or miss out on being a kid...

But yeah, they may be over diagnosed, but they are real.
(01-18-2009, 10:37 AM)somerset76 Wrote: [ -> ]Well, of course, true enough. I was certainly marginalized in my public school and university years, to say the least. But there's a particular dimension to it in the trad realm, and that is because of the palpable distrust one finds, particularly in the "irregular" realms (not so much in the "motu" milieu), against the mental health profession in principle as well as in practice.
My distrust is based on experience...
(07-28-2009, 12:18 AM)Rosarium Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-27-2009, 10:43 PM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: [ -> ]still all of this doesnt help a father who never heard of As, whos first child has it,( I thought he was just going through an Arshole phase, so understandebly I was sever about the way he was treating others)  and this father spent almost 15 years apparently alienating him to the degree he wont spend more  then 30 seconds talking to me. Now as far as I can tell AS or not my son is in a state of mortal sin for dishonering his parents, ( I dont care about honor for my self, I just dont want my son to die in mortal sin), how can I get through to him! (Also remember he adamantly denys haveing AS in any form) Is there some clever or AS way of getting him simply to sit with me and hash out, undo and reset our relationship...or is this simply my cross. :( (Im not looking for sympathy, but practical advice)

How old is he?
18 in 2 weeks
(07-28-2009, 08:34 AM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: [ -> ]18 in 2 weeks

I hope it works out, but nothing is for sure.

Perhaps you could arrange a birthday party (a party that he'd enjoy) and try to reconcile with him there. Talking to him face to face may not work out so well, so perhaps you could drop him an email or a letter asking for time to get together and talk.

This isn't really AS specific; I learned of that from an advice column and it seems to work pretty well.
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