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(07-28-2009, 11:50 AM)Rosarium Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-28-2009, 08:34 AM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: [ -> ]18 in 2 weeks

I hope it works out, but nothing is for sure.

Perhaps you could arrange a birthday party (a party that he'd enjoy) and try to reconcile with him there. Talking to him face to face may not work out so well, so perhaps you could drop him an email or a letter asking for time to get together and talk.

This isn't really AS specific; I learned of that from an advice column and it seems to work pretty well.

That's a good point.  Also, some of my friends are therapists who have been working successfully with boys (some with AS, some not) for many years and they always advise that when you want to have a "serious talk" with any boy you should first initiate an activity in which you can both participate - play cards, yard work, fishing, etc.  It decreases the anxiety that many boys feel related to emotional interpersonal communication.  Also, at some point a non-AS person is just going to have to take the AS person's word for it that certain things make him/her very uncomfortable, and learn to meet them halfway.
(07-28-2009, 02:15 AM)Dust Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-26-2009, 03:46 PM)orate Wrote: [ -> ]I have 2 sons who have ADD or AD/HD as it is now called. 
They are two different things:
ADD: attention deficit disorder
ADHD:  attention deficit hyperactive disorder

There IS a difference!

I understand that there is a difference between the two.  My boys fall squarely in the ADD camp.  But there is now only one psychiatric diagnosis,  Attention Deficit--slash--Hyperactivity Disorder.  I do understand that not all with attention deficits are also hyperactive, but for all intents and purposed the pharmaceutical treatment is the same.


Quote:He is a very talented artist, has his A.A. degree in commercial art and pushes a broom at a local hospital to support himself.  He does this because the stress of dealing with production deadlines, is just too much for him.  He loves his job--no pressure--his co-workers  and patients love him and he's gotten 4 president's awards for outstanding service. He once drew pictures and entertained a woman's children in the ER after his shift for a couple of hours so that she could tend to her sick husband, for which he received one of the awards.
Good for him...

We need an emoticon with a smile and tears...

+1 fishie for you!


Quote:My 12 year old also has ADD.  Very smart--no behavior problem other than his "singing" and "dancing around" driving his family crazy.  There are now much better medications available.  My son has remarked on how much easier it is to concentrate at school now that he is on his medication.  In one year he's gone from a "B-C" student to straight "A's."  I was worried when he got to middle school and had to get from class to class.  But with the medication it has been no problem.  He want's to be a microbiologist when he grows up and I don't doubt that he'll succeed.  I only wish some of theses meds were available 20 years ago when his older brother was struggling.

So after 33 years of dealing with AD/HD.  Don't anyone tell me that it is a false diagnosis.  With my experience I can tell you that it is definitely physiologically based.  Believe me, generally I have no love for the misuse of pharmaceuticals, but when used properly and followed up on, they can change lives.
I see them (drugs) as a temporary fix at best though. 

Make sure he doesn't become overly dependent, or miss out on being a kid...

But yeah, they may be over diagnosed, but they are real.

Don't worry!  He's still a kid.  And he is being closely monitored with his medication.  I suffered with mild to moderate depression for years.  I hated the idea of drugs for treatment and tried to live without.  Thought I did not have enough trust in God and that's why I always lived under a cloud of sadness.  But when one simple anti-depressant changed my brain chemistry and that cloud of sadness lifted for the first time in years, I wondered why I did not  start sooner to avoid needless suffering.  If the problem is chemical in nature and the pharmaceuticals can reverse or diminish it, I'm all for it. 

After going on ADD medication,  for the first time my 12 year old son does not struggle with staying on task.  He does not suffer the school anxiety that the older one did. 


Dust Wrote:My distrust (of the medical profession) is based on experience...

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences.  I've had them, too.  But my 12 year old has a great doctor who is following both his mental and physical health very closely.  There are good professionals out there.

seems to me from voxpops posts its his son that is making everyone else uncomfortable not the other way around. i dunno tough issue. medical condition sure but so is almost anything. hell even a psychopath can claim medical condition. what im saying is voxpop has said he was thinkin of tossing the kid out due to his behavior. at 18 i think that might be a good thing.  a family member of mine was a junkie. medical condition (according to gov), even got 1300 a month from the Canadian gov due to his addiction being termed a  disability. this even when he still lived at home. but his ass was beat and he was thrown out for being as little scumbag. stealing from his very own mama my aunt!!!!! his own mama he stole from. THE CREEP! the bastard! medical condition or not it didnt save him from me families wrath. he was tossed out and the world took its time with him. hes clean now but it took 12 years and an o.d. to finally get the loser to see his behavior the selfish prick he is has something called consequences. im not saying asperger is the same but the behavior voxpop described really sounded like me cousin.
but he changed. though now the piece of shit is an unrepentant sodomite in Vancouver i don't think what i posted was mainly nonsense it seemed to work for this loser when no talk shop or meds did. just sayin. also again the behavior seemed very similar.
(07-28-2009, 01:23 PM)devotedknuckles Wrote: [ -> ]seems to me from voxpops posts its his son that is making everyone else uncomfortable not the other way around. i dunno tough issue. medical condition sure but so is almost anything. hell even a psychopath can claim medical condition. what im saying is voxpop has said he was thinkin of tossing the kid out due to his behavior. at 18 i think that might be a good thing.  a family member of mine was a junkie. medical condition (according to gov), even got 1300 a month from the Canadian gov due to his addiction being termed a  disability. this even when he still lived at home. but his ass was beat and he was thrown out for being as little scumbag. stealing from his very own mama my aunt!!!!! his own mama he stole from. THE CREEP! the bastard! medical condition or not it didnt save him from me families wrath. he was tossed out and the world took its time with him. hes clean now but it took 12 years and an o.d. to finally get the loser to see his behavior the selfish prick he is has something called consequences. im not saying asperger is the same but the behavior voxpop described really sounded like me cousin.
but he changed. though now the piece of shit is an unrepentant sodomite in Vancouver i don't think what i posted was mainly nonsense it seemed to work for this loser when no talk shop or meds did. just sayin. also again the behavior seemed very similar.

The problem with his son seems to be avoidance of his father, not doing anything dangerous or harmful otherwise.

The reason for this may be because of a severe misunderstanding of him, which could have inadvertently hurt him a lot, which causes him to avoid his father. Now that the father has more understanding, he is trying to repair the relationship for the good of both of them, but his son may not realise this because of the past.

The medical condition to which I refer is not AS, but anxiety, depression, anger, PTSD like symptoms. He may also be more severe (most people with AS can realise it on their own if they know of it) or involve other factors. If one were to stop supporting someone with a form of autism while they had unresolved issues with the world, it would be almost  criminal abuse to do that. As Vox said, he didn't know about it when he was raising him, so all that time when he could have been helped is lost and he may be at a severe disadvantage and have a very disfunctional view of the world based on his experiences.

This is a case of a boy/man who underwent severe stress and hardship for years based on misunderstanding by a person who loves him, not some spoiled kid. If he uses his experiences with his father as the basis for further social interaction (as I noted earlier, people with AS often use their most common social situation, usually a parent, as the basis for all social interaction), it would be a negligent  act to send a person into the world without any proper guidance, especially when the past resulted in unfavourable or counter productive guidance.

If his past and personal disadvantages are ignored, it is quite possible that he won't live well alone and probably end up the victim of a crime or dead. A father should not resign their child to that especially when they have the capability to help. The difference is the reason for his behavior. Why would a son shun his father by choice? You have no way of knowing what he is feeling unless he says it. I know a child (he was 12 at the time) who broke his arm, but didn't tell anyone. He just didn't think to tell anyone. I tore a muscle or tendon in my back (rotator cuff area, not sure which) when I was a child, but I didn't tell anyone either. He could be holding in more pain than you realise. Assuming NT communication with AS is the biggest danger. He isn't like you or any NT, so don't expect him to be like you. A person with AS will not think to tell others of their feelings unless they understand that peson can help, and that understanding usually comes from being taught it. So far, it seems he was taught to avoid his father by his father's reactions to him. He is just doing what he was taught...
Not a fan of drugs. Turns the kid into a zombie today and supposedly contributes to depression at the onset of adolesence.
(07-28-2009, 05:33 PM)DarkKnight Wrote: [ -> ]Not a fan of drugs. Turns the kid into a zombie today and supposedly contributes to depression at the onset of adolesence.
I agree.  And it's not "supposedly."

[Image: chob.gif]

:(

(07-28-2009, 12:57 PM)orate Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-28-2009, 02:15 AM)Dust Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-26-2009, 03:46 PM)orate Wrote: [ -> ]Believe me, generally I have no love for the misuse of pharmaceuticals, but when used properly and followed up on, they can change lives.
I see them (drugs) as a temporary fix at best though. 

Make sure he doesn't become overly dependent, or miss out on being a kid...

Don't worry!  He's still a kid.  And he is being closely monitored with his medication.  I suffered with mild to moderate depression for years.   I hated the idea of drugs for treatment and tried to live without.  Thought I did not have enough trust in God and that's why I always lived under a cloud of sadness.  But when one simple anti-depressant changed my brain chemistry and that cloud of sadness lifted for the first time in years, I wondered why I did not  start sooner to avoid needless suffering.  If the problem is chemical in nature and the pharmaceuticals can reverse or diminish it, I'm all for it. 

After going on ADD medication,  for the first time my 12 year old son does not struggle with staying on task.  He does not suffer the school anxiety that the older one did. 


Dust Wrote:My distrust (of the medical profession) is based on experience...

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences.  I've had them, too.  But my 12 year old has a great doctor who is following both his mental and physical health very closely.  There are good professionals out there.
Like I said, make sure he doesn't miss out on being a kid.  Whatever you do, please...

:pray:
(09-02-2008, 02:11 AM)Traditio Wrote: [ -> ]ADHD is a false "diagnosis" used to gain pharmaceutical profits.

Ya, I'm going to have to call you on this one too.  I work with kids and when there is a child who has severe ADHD and a parent who believes as you do, it's sad because the kid is not getting support, the parents refuse to learn about the disease, and it all ends up in frustration for the child.  Something doesn't have to happen to you in order for it to be real.
(08-07-2009, 08:10 AM)Veronica Wrote: [ -> ]
(09-02-2008, 02:11 AM)Traditio Wrote: [ -> ]ADHD is a false "diagnosis" used to gain pharmaceutical profits.
Ya, I'm going to have to call you on this one too.  I work with kids and when there is a child who has severe ADHD and a parent who believes as you do, it's sad because the kid is not getting support, the parents refuse to learn about the disease, and it all ends up in frustration for the child.  Something doesn't have to happen to you in order for it to be real.
You are both right.  It is over diagnosed.  But ADD is also real.  In the end though, the drugs can't deal with the problem on their own, and should not be necessary and the kid can learn to cope without them.

The kid is bound to get frustrated with work because he doesn't understand how other people manage to get done without getting distracted the way they do. He likely doesn't even realize that he is getting distracted.

Unfortunately, teachers have a way of seeing that a kid has ADD or ADHD and
1.  not understand that there is a difference
2.  assume the kid is going to cause problems.
The dianosis is a black mark that winds up as an obstacle he must overcome.

But if he doesn't understand that it's there it will be far worse for him.

So yeah, I have mixed feelings on this.  I have experience.  I don't like the drugs, but they do work.  Unfortunately, some people never get off them.  Doing so takes a lot of work and willpower.  It doesn't really get much easier, so I cannot hold it against those keep taking them their whole lives.  Plus it may be even harder for some than others.
Some people may never be able to get off of them - so what?  Some people never get off diabetes drugs either.  If the person has a happier life with the meds because they value being able to function in certain kinds of workplaces that are not friendly to people with ADHD, and the meds allow them to do this, why not?

Getting off medicine just because it's medicine is not always the right thing to do.  We should stop taking medicine when we don't need it anymore, and that time may be a long time off or never in some cases.
(08-09-2009, 04:02 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote: [ -> ]Some people may never be able to get off of them - so what?  Some people never get off diabetes drugs either.   If the person has a happier life with the meds because they value being able to function in certain kinds of workplaces that are not friendly to people with ADHD, and the meds allow them to do this, why not?

Getting off medicine just because it's medicine is not always the right thing to do.  We should stop taking medicine when we don't need it anymore, and that time may be a long time off or never in some cases.

Well, getting dependent on medicine because it was in the drug company's best interest isn't a right thing to do either.

Yes, sometimes a substance is useful for an indefinate period of time, but such things should only be done if it is necessary. The comparison to diabetes drugs is always used in the psychiatric sense, but it is very improper usually. In the world of psychiatry, there are no blood tests, rarely useful data on how and why the drug works, and they are prescribed first, rather than having a complete physical evaluation of the person.

This is why I always emphasise on finding the cause of a problem as soon as one can. So it can be treated, not covered up.
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