FishEaters Traditional Catholic Forums

Full Version: Why is everyone so afraid of babies?
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6
So, feel free to point me at a thread if this particular aspect has been discussed before, but a)I don't want to discuss the merits/evils of NFP etc. and b)I'm talking about married people here, not single people.

So, here's my question, after Mass yesterday there was a little NFP 'breakout.' Me and the wife decided to drop in primarily to 'show support' when in reality we're not planning anything in the near future, as many babies as we can get in the time we have, we'll take.

But it was weird, there were about 3 couples in the whole thing, out of several hundred Mass attendees. I asked the dude that was doing the 'session' about this, and he said it was pretty typical, he'd see about 5 families per Mass, and we told him we weren't intending to slow down or avoid kids in the near future, so we kinda didn't count.

So, he mentioned something crazy, like 75 or maybe 85% of *Catholics* use birth control or sterilization.

So anyway, I'm rambling, here's my point, why are people afraid of babies? In your opinion. Is it materialism and people just want more 'stuff' and kids cost money?

What is it? Is it the time fear? Money fear? Again, talking about married people here, not the obvious single people who just want to 'have their cake and eat it too' and have sex without commitment, but I'm talking about already (ostensibly) committed people (since they are married, after all).

I guess I've never asked the 'root' question on this, and always debated the morality, etc. I'm just wondering what motivates people to want only 2, or 1, or to limit their families.

My guess is materialism, want of more stuff.

Your thoughts?
(04-27-2009, 06:26 PM)Iuvenalis Wrote: [ -> ]So anyway, I'm rambling, here's my point, why are people afraid of babies? In your opinion. Is it materialism and people just want more 'stuff' and kids cost money?

What is it? Is it the time fear? Money fear? Again, talking about married people here, not the obvious single people who just want to 'have their cake and eat it too' and have sex without commitment, but I'm talking about already (ostensibly) committed people (since they are married, after all).

I guess I've never asked the 'root' question on this, and always debated the morality, etc. I'm just wondering what motivates people to want only 2, or 1, or to limit their families.

My guess is materialism, want of more stuff.

Your thoughts?

I think it varies, but I think you got it right for the most part.

I've seen people who want kids even when they don't have the means at all.

However, I too have seen people who don't want kids when they are in the perfect situation for it. I think it is materialism and selfishness and childishness which drives it. Today's society keeps people children for much longer than they should be and in effect will spoil the people who should be the prime creators of society.
Because babies are EVIL!!!!1111  Run from them!
In seriousness, I think a lot of it is the society we live in and the way we are told to think about certain things.  We are told that it is more important to be rich than anything else, because that will make us happy.  we are told that the world is overpopulated.  There are just a lot of lies out there right now.

Now, if I were the OP I would explore NFP for it's ability to actually help couples have babies.  If it's a priority to have babies quickly, NFP can help.  :-)
(04-27-2009, 06:32 PM)OCLittleFlower Wrote: [ -> ]Because babies are EVIL!!!!1111  Run from them!

Only if they go to church Smile
I think that a fear of taking responsibility may be closely tied to the consumerist lifestyle of the 'well off'.
There also may be a 'environmental' component...like the image of the 'ideal' family is the mom, dad, and 2 kids, being grilled into people's heads...
People in my town do a double take over my having five. I don't really think of five as a large family. I'll tell you what I think it is, to some extent, babies really are expensive. Especially if you don't have good insurance, it can be very, very difficult. It could even bankrupt a family. If you have good insurance, and don't mind sending them to community college, it's doable for many people to have a big family, I'd say. In my opinion, bankruptcy is a grave enough reason to postpone having more children.

But here's the thing: because most people only have a couple of children, so overspend on just those few, buying them all sorts of carp they don't need and trotting them around to every after school activity they can sign up for. And many folks obsess about sending their kids to expensive schools and such.
Physical exhaustion.  Not everyone is up to the physical and emotional demands of raising children, especially babies.

Sometimes there are real health issues involved where the mother is not physically able to handle bearing more children.

Also, today's society is not helpful to mothers.  In the olden days there were many stay-at-home moms in the neighborhood, whether city or suburb, to lend a hand and watch junior or juniors while mom ran down to the store, went to the doctor, or whatever.  Grandmothers and aunts were also nearby.  Now families are spread out all over the place, and everyone is doing their own thing with careers and travel etc.  Mothers are on their own, do it all themselves and this can lead to physical or psychological burnout.

I remember my little boy pointing out the window once and saying "Look, a person!"  -- In our neighborhood, there was no one home all day, all the other mothers worked.  It was an event to see someone walk by.
I think it's a societal thing. We're told when the "right" time to have children is and how many. People who stray from that are labeled as irresponsible, dumb, crazy, too young, etc. In talking to people right after my wedding, they would either ask, "So how many years will you wait until trying?" OR tell us "You gotta wait AT LEAST 2 years before trying.." The next question would be, "How many do you want?" OR "If you don't have a boy and girl will you try for a third?". Having a child in the country seems to have been commercialized, much like the wedding industry. People seem to have the need to complete their checklists, which are dictated by society, in perfect order and within certain time frames. I think kids, for some people, is just something else they check off their list.

The "2 kids" thing started with this idea of the perfect nuclear family, and just has never left. I don't know how many times I've heard, when someone has a third, fourth, or fifth child, "I guess they let one slip..." OR "Time for "tube-tyeage". etc, especially when said family is of lower income. Um, maybe they just wanted another child? At our "Pre-Cana Encounter", one of the married leaders started talking about having children. As though she may have offended someone, said, "I mean if you decide to have any..." Like, What?. Sadly, I think so many Catholic couples contracept or sterilize out of ignorance.

I know that not everyone thinks this way. Also, I know that support for larger-than-average families is very lax. So yeah, why would you want to deal with that? It's just a matter of bending peoples' mindsets and attitudes. I think the best way to combat this attitude is to show what a joy a large family can be... even though it is also extremely difficult.

But, these are just my observations.
(04-27-2009, 06:45 PM)Jacafamala Wrote: [ -> ]But here's the thing: because most people only have a couple of children, so overspend on just those few, buying them all sorts of carp they don't need and trotting them around to every after school activity they can sign up for. And many folks obsess about sending their kids to expensive schools and such.

This is true, and I'd point out that this sort of 'over' spending on 1 or a very few children probably is the same net cost as a larger family.

I think more people can 'afford' it that do it, there kids would just have less 'stuff' too...
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6