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Rolling eyes  I'll try to make this short.   My H's brother is almost 32 . He has spent the last 17 years in and out of various problems; hopping from job to job; I should say "fired" from one job after another; always in some conflict with his bosses; several DUI's;  he's never held a valid driver's license (or insurance or registration) for any significant length of time; he's had multiple girlfriends; lived with a couple (that we know of); he's been involved with drugs and alcohol;  seems to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time, i.e., has had multiple weird at-the-scene-of-the-crime type things; recently had his identity stolen - couldn't work, fortunately that's apparently fixed;  and now?  Now his girlfriend with whom he lived in another state, is pregnant!  She lives in that state and works there ... .BIL is in another state a few thousand miles away living again with his parents ... he has no job, no license, no car, no insurance, no money ... he's supposedly going to be working again in a few weeks.  He can't afford to go see his girlfriend and vice versa, I guess.  And now, the kicker: "she" doesn't want to get married until the baby is born .... you know, the whole "wanting to look good in the dress" thing  Rolling eyes Rolling eyes Rolling eyes >sad sad :o   (how many other expressions apply here?!!!  LOL

Anyway, it's not actually funny of course.  And my H is his brother's confirmation sponser (and eldest brother of the family) and he's been talking to him .... and while he's told him what he should do (i.e., the right thing) BIL likes to say that he has a personal relationship with God that involves being out in the woods and seeing a bear.   Rolling eyes  (can I say .... "Duh!"  here.....?!)  Is there anything we can SAY or DO to get these two idiots (sorry, individuals whose intellects have been darkened by ignorance and sin) married and make sure the baby is baptised?  Any source material that would speak to BIL's dumb statement of supposed unique connection to God?  And yes they're foolish immature people who aren't ready to be married.  but it's past that point now.
I don't personally have much to suggest, but I can offer  Pray.  Just my personal opinion, but the question of when (or even whether) they get married is less impotant than that the baby is brought to life, is baptized, and raised as a Catholic.  While the quality may be "variable", depending on where you live, a local Catholic Charities office for support and counseling may be an option for the BIL.

Sometimes God uses unfortunate situations to cause irresponsible people to finally "wake up" and start being responsible.  Pray that this may be the case here.
I think first and foremost it's important that you just support them, & help them in any way you can.
Don't sever your ties with them, just love & support them. Like Christ would.

Start with small baby steps. Maybe say something like: "we're going to mass at such and such a time, would you like to join us?"
Pray  Pray
(05-05-2011, 01:30 PM)moneil Wrote: [ -> ]Sometimes God uses unfortunate situations to cause irresponsible people to finally "wake up" and start being responsible.   Pray that this may be the case here.

Yes, exactly. That's what we are thinking (and hoping and praying here).  And I also agree that while both of them are in a state of mortal sin, there's not much more we can say (I guess??) to get them on the right track.  No one knows this girlfriend.  I don't know if she's been raised in any Christian faith, I don't know her family situation, nothing.

As I said, BIL is in a different state (Alaska) from her (she's in South Dakota) and they're not going to see each other anytime soon. 
(05-05-2011, 01:38 PM)MaidenofGod Wrote: [ -> ]I think first and foremost it's important that you just support them, & help them in any way you can.
Don't sever your ties with them, just love & support them. Like Christ would.

Start with small baby steps. Maybe say something like: "we're going to mass at such and such a time, would you like to join us?"
Pray  Pray

I agree with the first part.  The second part isn't possible.  We live thousands of miles away.  But BIL is living with his parents who attend Mass weekly and they invite him, I guess.  But they are the most passive novus ordo Catholics you've ever met .... everything their kids' do is a-ok with them, including mortal sin.  Oh, well, prayers and prayers and more prayers!
Actually, marriage doesn't have to be an option and doesn't sound like it would be a very good one in this case since he can't seem to hold a job.  The child does need his father, but the girl doesn't need a bad husband.  They shouldn't live together either.  At least that's what I've been told by a Priest.
Well, I guess the reality is that it's up to the BIL and his girlfriend.  He's not interested in being Catholic or doing what's right.  He's an incredibly self-centered, immature person and while I hope that this turns out to be the kick in the backside that he's been needed to be a man, I realize considering where he's been and where he is now .... it's literally going to take a miracle.

The poor child who's done nothing to deserve this ... .and now with the possibility of being raised in a single mother household ... shuffled off to daycare while his errant father does .... what?!  Rolling eyes

Makes me feel so helpless.  Pray
It does break your heart to see this happen.  Just give them to God and the Blessed Mother and do the best you can when needed.  It might not hurt to have a talk with their Guardian Angels either.  Pray
(05-05-2011, 06:55 PM)verenaerin Wrote:Would they consider adoption?

This was my thought as well.  I think adoption might be the best option for the baby.  Perhaps family members could let the mother know that they would support her if she chooses to give the baby a loving, secure home through adoption.
Here is a Catholic resource for adoptions in South Dakota:  http://www.diocese-of-sioux-falls.org/CFS/Content.aspx?id=117&office=CatholicFamilyServices
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