FishEaters Traditional Catholic Forums

Full Version: so..
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2 3 4
I have met "feminist" men who are actually egalitarian, but don't know that that's the word for it.
And I have met legit Feminist men who are staunchly pro-Choice and sound like the women on those blogs we all mock/pity.  It's frakin bizarre.

And men who don't want SAHWs are the men who don't want to have to give up all their toys, bc you know- Sacrifice is HAAAAARD, y'all!
(07-14-2014, 04:23 AM)PatienceAndLove Wrote: [ -> ]Ugh--
What I have found is that most guys (Catholic or non-Catholic) aren't all that interested in an insta-family (I have a 10 year old daughter), or if they don't mind the insta-family, they think that bc you already have a child that you are amiable to certain activities (again, Catholic and non-Catholic).

Attracting trad men when you have a child and are annulled is even harder. 

AAAAAAND if you do find one that doesn't mind that you have a child, that you are annulled, and that you have a colourful past-- he's no where local, which leads to even bigger problems.

OH! And let's add to that that he wants more children with you, agrees that you do in fact have a vocation to be a SAHM, and has the type of employment that would allow for the rapid expansion of your family-- he's STILL NOT LOCAL.  Which, because you have a child with another man, makes life pretty much difficult and in the end, incredibly disappointing.


Sorry---- still smarting from a break-up

That sounds really frustrating.  I will pray for your situation.

(07-14-2014, 11:08 AM)divinesilence80 Wrote: [ -> ]I think most guys would leap at the opportunity to have a SAHW. No guy wants to come home to an empty house or a wife made angry by her unappreciative coworkers / boss.

Being a stay at home wife is one thing.  When I was a stay at home wife, I greeted my husband with a home cooked meal, a smile, and a beer.  Then, babies happen and he comes home to a sloppy house, dinner that's not even done yet (and half of it is probably burned) a screaming, fussy baby, and piles of laundry everywhere.  Usually he says something like "Why isn't dinner ready yet?  What do you do all day?" and that makes me want to stabby stab stab him.

Working mothers don't have messy houses, because they're empty all day.  Kids are at daycare, mom and dad are at work, no one's around to make much of a mess.  These families are more likely to share in household chores.  Most kids around my area go to daycare from 7am to 7pm.  That doesn't leave much time for coloring on the walls and spilling apple juice.  I used to work 12 hour days when I had a job, and it was a breeze compared to being a stay at home mom, where I usually go nonstop from sunrise to 10pm.  At work, my boss appreciated me a lot more than my husband appreciates me, too.  So, it depends. 

I know my husband still would rather I stay at home.  But that is because he thinks it is best for the children, not because he wants a housewife or values housekeeping.
(07-14-2014, 11:44 PM)PatienceAndLove Wrote: [ -> ]I have met "feminist" men who are actually egalitarian, but don't know that that's the word for it.
And I have met legit Feminist men who are staunchly pro-Choice and sound like the women on those blogs we all mock/pity.  It's frakin bizarre.

And men who don't want SAHWs are the men who don't want to have to give up all their toys, bc you know- Sacrifice is HAAAAARD, y'all!

That's because some guys have this weird condition where they're so depraved they'd cut off their fingers to earn the "favor" or the "privilege to exist" from their feminist masters. I guess some guys are just so empty on the inside they feed off unholy femininity. God will deal with them.....

(07-15-2014, 12:22 AM)JubilateDeo83 Wrote: [ -> ]Being a stay at home wife is one thing.  When I was a stay at home wife, I greeted my husband with a home cooked meal, a smile, and a beer.  Then, babies happen and he comes home to a sloppy house, dinner that's not even done yet (and half of it is probably burned) a screaming, fussy baby, and piles of laundry everywhere.  Usually he says something like "Why isn't dinner ready yet?  What do you do all day?" and that makes me want to stabby stab stab him.

Working mothers don't have messy houses, because they're empty all day.  Kids are at daycare, mom and dad are at work, no one's around to make much of a mess.  These families are more likely to share in household chores.  Most kids around my area go to daycare from 7am to 7pm.  That doesn't leave much time for coloring on the walls and spilling apple juice.  I used to work 12 hour days when I had a job, and it was a breeze compared to being a stay at home mom, where I usually go nonstop from sunrise to 10pm.  At work, my boss appreciated me a lot more than my husband appreciates me, too.  So, it depends. 

I know my husband still would rather I stay at home.  But that is because he thinks it is best for the children, not because he wants a housewife or values housekeeping.

Jubi, we've been over this many times. You situation is in a class of its own. Most guys are happy as long as they have a place to eat, a throne to take a dump on, and a bed to sleep in. I take it your husband has all the above. Why he is not happy who knows. I use SAHW / SAHM interchangeably although I will admit the latter has more responsibility. Any guy who doesn't cut his SAHM wife some slack needs a reality check.
(07-15-2014, 03:44 PM)divinesilence80 Wrote: [ -> ]Jubi, we've been over this many times. You situation is in a class of its own. Most guys are happy as long as they have a place to eat, a throne to take a dump on, and a bed to sleep in. I take it your husband has all the above. Why he is not happy who knows. I use SAHW / SAHM interchangeably although I will admit the latter has more responsibility. Any guy who doesn't cut his SAHM wife some slack needs a reality check.

I'm pretty baffled by the idea of a man not appreciating his wife, but that might be because I'm not married yet.
(07-14-2014, 12:23 AM)divinesilence80 Wrote: [ -> ]Really?!?!?!?!? Good luck trying to tell your non-trad wife you don't think she should use birth control and go the NFP route! That will go over REAL big in today's "rah rah career girl" atmosphere. You have heard of the "war on women" being raged by us straight, white, practicing Catholic guys right? The last thing today's women want is to "look up to a man." I think many of today's women have bigger egos than their great great great great grandads did and following men is the last thing on their "maybe never" list.

I think you greatly underestimate the power of influence women have. Most women can reduce most men to a drooling idiot without even saying a word. Look at the liberal men out there. Liberal women say jump and they say "how high to 1,000,000th place and should I bow on the way down?"

I think you greatly underestimate the power of authority men have. The only reason liberal men today have become drooling idiots, is themselves. They are are the ones who allowed feminism to flourish, because, let's face it, feminism has rid them of many of their traditional responsibilities. And now, liberal men are afraid of putting their foot down, for fear of being dumped, or legally sanctioned, or called SCARY words such as MISOGYNIST or MACHO. Because they've turned into cowards, and they revel in this comfortable state of utter spinelessness. If they had a little more courage, trust me, they could set this world straight again.

Trad men need to be careful not to act like liberals; instead, they need to take the reigns. Trust me, deep down, most women aren't raging feminists who'll rip you apart and take all your money. Most liberal women are simply brainwashed, and a capable man with guts could easily convert them. It's not for everyone, of course, but those who are naturally outspoken shouldn't be afraid of giving it a shot.

It all boils down to having guts. Most people respond to that, believe me.

(Yes I'm angry, but not with you, DivineSilence.)
(07-17-2014, 03:03 PM)Andùril Wrote: [ -> ]I think you greatly underestimate the power of authority men have. The only reason liberal men today have become drooling idiots, is themselves. They are are the ones who allowed feminism to flourish, because, let's face it, feminism has rid them of many of their traditional responsibilities. And now, liberal men are afraid of putting their foot down, for fear of being dumped, or legally sanctioned, or called SCARY words such as MISOGYNIST or MACHO. Because they've turned into cowards, and they revel in this comfortable state of utter spinelessness. If they had a little more courage, trust me, they could set this world straight again.

Trad men need to be careful not to act like liberals; instead, they need to take the reigns. Trust me, deep down, most women aren't raging feminists who'll rip you apart and take all your money. Most liberal women are simply brainwashed, and a capable man with guts could easily convert them. It's not for everyone, of course, but those who are naturally outspoken shouldn't be afraid of giving it a shot.

It all boils down to having guts. Most people respond to that, believe me.

(Yes I'm angry, but not with you, DivineSilence.)

You mean the kind of guts the 5 men on the Supreme Court showed followed by the dozens of female journalists that thought the decision was the end of world (oh wait its still here....darn)??? Capable man with guts convert liberal women?!?!?!? Did I hear that right?

Also, men have 0 authority. That was a tale cooked up many millenia ago by elitist men to organize the passing on of their stuff to their own offspring, and not illegitimate offspring their wife/wives may have had. For the rest of the men out there, it just made them feel important to the cycle of life. Given that government and women usurped even the faux authority the men of old had, men these days aren't left with much even to play pretend with anymore. I tend to find that a good number of women are happy to "yield authority" when there is a chance a responsibility coming with that "authority" that they don't like. Perhaps trad women are different, but even if that  were the case, trad women are VERY small in number.

I agree liberal men allow feminism to flourish, but so do conservative men. Conservative men put their princess on pedestal. Then when she finds out that society doesn't indulge her like daddy does, she throws a hissy and becomes just as rotten as her feminist sisters who think they are entitled to something special. I also think some trad people feel that as long as they are at home raising 5 kids and homeschooling them that they get off the hook on fighting against feminism. What kind of world are you leaving your kids if you ignore the devastation feminism is causing and has caused? It is SAD that people were cheering the recent extremely narrow Hobby Lobby decision as some victory. The fact that things have gotten this bad in the first place is disgusting. The "not in my backyard" attitude doesn't work.
I guess I'm weird :-)

I don't want a pedestal, but I do want respect. I also want my husband to be the one in charge.
I also want traditional gender roles- I want my husband to be the bread winner, and I want to be at home with the children (hopefully 4+ children  :))

Having been married, and been a "bad girl" in my former life, I feel like I can say there is also a sexual disconnect between men and women in terms of dominance and submission (not in the BDSM manner). 
Women have been pumped so full of sexual nonsense that they have no idea about how to be submissive- both in and out of the bedroom.  I cannot tell y'all how many times I threw men off when I wanted them to take charge in the bedroom.  Most of them didn't know how, they had never had the opportunity before.  And, unsurprisingly, when given the chance to be in charge and Dominant, most backed out of the encounter, because they didn't know what to do, or they literally were no longer able to perform because the whole situation threw them off.  The handful-ish of men who stayed around and learned to be men in the bedroom really enjoyed it, and I actually saw changes in them outside the bedroom- more confidence.
(07-18-2014, 02:36 AM)PatienceAndLove Wrote: [ -> ]I guess I'm weird :-)

I don't want a pedestal, but I do want respect. I also want my husband to be the one in charge.
I also want traditional gender roles- I want my husband to be the bread winner, and I want to be at home with the children (hopefully 4+ children  :))

Having been married, and been a "bad girl" in my former life, I feel like I can say there is also a sexual disconnect between men and women in terms of dominance and submission (not in the BDSM manner). 
Women have been pumped so full of sexual nonsense that they have no idea about how to be submissive- both in and out of the bedroom.  I cannot tell y'all how many times I threw men off when I wanted them to take charge in the bedroom.  Most of them didn't know how, they had never had the opportunity before.  And, unsurprisingly, when given the chance to be in charge and Dominant, most backed out of the encounter, because they didn't know what to do, or they literally were no longer able to perform because the whole situation threw them off.  The handful-ish of men who stayed around and learned to be men in the bedroom really enjoyed it, and I actually saw changes in them outside the bedroom- more confidence.

What if "traditional gender roles" are just as artificial as "non-traditional" ones?

I don't have any problem being dominant, but there seems to me to be something a little unbalanced (or even warped) about women desiring to be subdued by men and men desiring to subdue women (erotically or otherwise).  The reverse s equally strange to me (women desiring sexual dominance).  Not every society in human history exhibits that dichotomous tension.

Some societies (and I would argue the most successful societies) exhibited and exhibit sexual cooperation.  That is the rarer situation it would seem.

But what is best is always the most infrequently achieved.
(07-20-2014, 01:37 PM)Joseph11 Wrote: [ -> ]What if "traditional gender roles" are just as artificial as "non-traditional" ones?

I don't have any problem being dominant, but there seems to me to be something a little unbalanced (or even warped) about women desiring to be subdued by men and men desiring to subdue women (erotically or otherwise).  The reverse s equally strange to me (women desiring sexual dominance).  Not every society in human history exhibits that dichotomous tension.

Some societies (and I would argue the most successful societies) exhibited and exhibit sexual cooperation.  That is the rarer situation it would seem.

But what is best is always the most infrequently achieved.

Some good points here. I'm still waiting for an explanation of substance as to why millenial women (including feminists) went crazy over 50 Shades of Gray. The standard explanation was that the story was "an extreme example of love" that was "just so powerful and touching." (http://blogs.indiewire.com/womenandholly...es-of-grey) Of all the "great examples of love" what's so special about 50 Shades? I think American women (especially feminist influenced ones) need to get their stuff straight.
(07-20-2014, 05:26 PM)divinesilence80 Wrote: [ -> ]Some good points here. I'm still waiting for an explanation of substance as to why millenial women (including feminists) went crazy over 50 Shades of Gray. The standard explanation was that the story was "an extreme example of love" that was "just so powerful and touching." (http://blogs.indiewire.com/womenandholly...es-of-grey) Of all the "great examples of love" what's so special about 50 Shades? I think American women (especially feminist influenced ones) need to get their stuff straight.

1. It was a fad.
2. The ordinary sexual practices made it even more of a fad.
3. Women naturally tend to crave male dominance, so when they don't get it in small doses like they would in a traditional marriage, they get it in extreme doses instead, hence the massive explosion in women desiring debasing sexual practices of late [BDSM, group sex, etc]. I could theorise as to why men desire these things if anyone would care to hear it.

That's the best explanation I can come up with. 50 Shades is a gentle entry into that sort of world for inquisitive women, who then come up with these absurd justifications for why they like it so much, because "I want a man to dominate me" sounds wrong in feminist ears.
Pages: 1 2 3 4