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Thank you Zubr, I wish you and my daughter lived near and could be friends!  What you describe is what she has gone through, minus the illness, and the way you met your husband gives me hope!  That is how I think God works, and her mindset is the same as yours was at the end, right before your husband-to-be came into your life.  You give me renewed hope!  I know these things can happen, but it is so  hard to wait.  Wait and wait and wait!  God may have a different plan for my daughter, but she doesn't plan to become a religious, so I hope she doesn't have to remain single her whole life.  Thanks for your comments.
I will say a prayer or two for your daughter.  Smile There is no denying that the waiting is difficult and wondering if the blessing of a spouse will ever come. It's difficult to discern a vocation of any kind. Though it may sound extremely difficult, the best advice is to not focus on the waiting and the wondering but to just keep praying and focusing on building a fruitful life. When we are in the process of building a meaningful and fruitful life, we never know who God places into our lives. It's all about timing as well. While we might think that we're totally ready or need something "right now", God has other plans and knows the bigger picture. I'm glad I married when I did. I'm a much different person than I was in my early 20s or even when I was 28. My husband would have been much too wild and uncontrollable at that age too. God knew!

Here's a bit more hope: when my husband (then fiancé) had to have a surgical procedure, I met a woman from Arkansas (of all places!) in the waiting room. She met her husband when she was in her mid-30s (now late 50s) on a vacation in Mexico. She didn't expect to be looking for love and just wanted a break from work...and she met the love of her life. And they were a great couple! So cute together! Let us not forget that Canada's "first supermodel" Monika Schnarre married at 39 to the man she refers to as "the man of her dreams."  Smile And she went on to have her first child.
Zubr,  what a lovely post.  Thank you.  Please do pray for us. 

Don't write off internet Catholic dating sites and hanging out in Catholic internet forums. This forum has put a LOT of now-married couples together.

I wish you and your daughter the best. This can't be easy at all... God bless the both of you...
You are probably right about the success of internet dating, Vox, but she's had so many disappointing experiences with the men she met (she just ended a relationship) online with Catholic men that she thinks that is not the way to go.    She has moved to a bigger city for more options and ended up lonelier than ever!  Of course being single, her job takes up much of her time so that she can support herself.  I should get her to engage in the forum.  Vox, do you think there eligible men  here looking for a wife?
(05-03-2017, 05:52 PM)Zubr Wrote: [ -> ]You honestly never know who God puts into your life, and when, so sometimes the best thing to do is be open to the world and meeting people.  Smile

What if the people we are meeting aren't Catholic let alone religious? When you met your future husband was a necessity that he'd be Catholic and practicing?
(05-05-2017, 02:06 PM)GRA Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-03-2017, 05:52 PM)Zubr Wrote: [ -> ]You honestly never know who God puts into your life, and when, so sometimes the best thing to do is be open to the world and meeting people.  Smile

What if the people we are meeting aren't Catholic let alone religious? When you met your future husband was a necessity that he'd be Catholic and practicing?
No, for me, it wasn’t a necessity that I have a practicing Catholic husband. I’ve been very open on this forum why. When I was younger, I exclusively dated practicing Catholic men but once it hit the point where the guy had to decide if I was “marriage material”, it would end. Catholic men want children so I hold no hard feelings that good Catholic men had to move on and find fruitful relationships elsewhere. However, that meant if I was to marry, which is especially important culturally as well, I’d have to look outside Catholicism. All that mattered, for me, was that a future spouse respected my religious beliefs, let me practice them and we could agree on ethics/a moral code. Since children are out of the picture, we don’t have that hurdle of “how will we raise the children?” in a mixed marriage.

My husband had no religion when I met him. People like to assume he was a Satanist but that's far from the case. He had “an awakening” about 12 years ago that God existed cause of a life event but he didn’t know where to go from there. If he broached the subject with friends (keep in mind, his friends are felons), they’d say, “No one wants you in their church. And Christians are the most judgemental people on the planet so it’s best if you just mind your own business.” He met me, I listened to him without judging or lecturing him and now he’s found a home in Russian Orthodoxy. He's Russian so I understand his reasons; it was practical, predictable and more familiar. He may not be the son-in-law that Catholics dream about (okay, maybe people in general  LOL) but he’s perfect for me.

So, what am I saying here? It’s a personal decision for a person to pray about. I know for some that a Catholic spouse is a must and that’s what they have to focus on. At what age does a person expand their horizons or understand that marriage to a fellow Catholic isn’t in their life plan? I don’t know. For others, they would prefer a partner that is humble and pious, Catholic or not. At least they can work with that than a liberal nut job. I don't think mixed marriages are ideal (see the page about marriage on the FE home site) but with the right people, things can work out. There has to be an understanding that marriage is much deeper than a secular contract.
See, and I grew up in a household where my mother is Catholic, and my father is nothing. He had no religious practices, although I tend think of him as a upstanding pagan (as in, he's a very good and moral man, but he's not Catholic). As I got older, I found it important that my husband also be Catholic, because I saw the effect of the disparity of cult had in the household where I grew up. I am Catholic by sheer force of will on my part, not because of anything my parents did or didn't do growing up. It was important to me to pass the faith to my children, and I saw that as a nearly impossible task if I was the lone Catholic in the household.

I also know many, many Catholic women who have married non-Catholic men. Some of those men converted after marriage, but not all. I can also tell you confidently that every single one of those couples use birth control, or their husbands had vasectomies, or there's immense pressure if using NFP to "cheat" the rules and push the boundaries (I will spare you the details). The only couples I know that can successfully use NFP and adhere to Catholic sexual ethics with both parties agreeing is where both partners are Catholic

Now, if she's in a situation like Zubr where child-bearing is either impossible or not likely, it's very possible she will find a good match among non-Catholics. But my observations have been that if there's even the inkling of wanting children, it's ill-advised to look outside of the faith. But take heart. My husband and I met online (not a Catholic dating site), and I've been married before and annulled and he was engaged previously. We found each other in the end. I've also known Catholic widowers in their 30's with children that have remarried strong Catholic women willing to take those families on, and they've grown old together and had more children together.
Something I should have said but something important is that culturally we're the same as well. Orthodoxy is so ubiquitous with Russian culture that even I, as a Catholic, am comfortable with it. (And my paternal roots are all with the big O.) So, we can pray together and have a congruent religious life. It's not as if we're from opposite parts of the world and engaging in dissimilar religious practices. Unlike people here, we don't get into deep discussions over schism or dogma because the intricacies and finer points don't have a place in our daily lives. It's not as if he was a Muslim and I was a Catholic, or some New Ager (sometimes, when he's "feeling good" aka drunk, he sounds like he's a master of cosmism but that's just the philosopher inherent in every Slav) or Buddhist.

There's another factor too. We're also from the same generation trying to level Soviet nostalgia with religion. Let's face it, our birth certificates say Soviet Union, were both born in an atheist state and all our heroes were Soviet. It's really not so surprising to find someone who had no religious background or roots in many places of the FSU, although media will tell you different. If I married an Italian or Croatian Catholic, they just wouldn't get me. No Catholic wants a wife that sings Soviet marching songs while washing dishes. It's just wrong. I am trying to say is that religious affiliation may be dissimilar but sometimes ethnicity overpowers that. I guess that sounds weird for Western people in multicultural countries but I'm a stupid immigrant.

I don't think I am explaining myself well but this is something to be considered for ethnicities where Catholics are considered "foreign" or a "minority." Ah whatever, just ignore me, I'm not making any sense.
Zubr, I understand what you are saying and appreciate your comments.  Prairie Mom, thank you for your comments, too, you brought up many good points, and many of them of just exactly why my daughter's relationships haven't gotten to marriage.  She also had a short two year marriage out of the Church  which they have sorted out for her.  She is in good standing now.  She found it was next to impossible to be married to someone with no Faith, although we all hoped it would not turn out that way, ending as it did.  We live in a very "unCatholic" rural area, here where she grew up, but now she is in a bigger city.  Anyway, it's good for me to see how things have worked out for other women, because it is easy to become disillusioned, and especially not knowing many other Catholics.  All the young people in our Parish scatter all over the country and never come back.  Surprisingly, very few ever even come back to visit the Parish!  I thank all of you for the comments that make me feel as if I (my daughter) is not the lone ranger.
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