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Just went to confession on Saturday and fell again last night. This has been going on for about 10 years now. I go to confession (sometimes taking great risks in inclement weather) and am in a state of grace again for a maximum of 12 hours before falling again.

What's the point of it all?

I'm so sick of going to confession because the graces I supposedly receive do nothing for me. I have not taken a single step forward in 10 years. I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. No progress. No help in overcoming this sin. In fact, I'm more angry with God than ever because I was so close to having a marriage and a fulfilling sexual relationship, and He tore all of that away from me.

And just what am I supposed to do with these desires if I have no way out except praying my Rosary, which works about as well as trying not to think about purple elephants. Do not think about purple elephants. SEE. YOU JUST DID. NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. HAHA.

God is cruel and He demands the impossible from us with no help from Him (and if we're not perfect, then we are flung into eternal damnation). God only gives His graces to an elite, select few. The rest of us losers were born to wander in pain and agony in this brief, ugly world and then suffer in Hell for eternity.

I just can't take this anymore and I'm sick of trying because it doesn't do any good or make any difference. I cannot just keep on keeping on without even just a crumb of consolation, and God won't even give me that. He has taken away literally everything that I had hoped for. He has inflicted me with nearly uncontrollable sexual desires and then tortured me by flaunting marriage in my face and ripping it away at the last possible moment, when it would hurt the most.

What kind of God is this? What kind of loving father is this? Not the kind of God I want to serve.

It's like a father brutally beating his child with a belt and then reassuring the sobbing, bleeding child that the beating was good for him and that someday he'll thank his father for it. That is just sick. That is not a loving father.
If you really can't go more than a day, then maybe you're beyond self-help. 

I could throw out the normal religious stuff: pray the Rosary every day even when you fall into sin, pray "In the name of Jesus Christ, I reject the sin of lust" often, join the Angelic Warfare Confraternity, consider trying daily Communion, set an alarm for each hour (there are apps that can do this) and pray a Hail Mary (or three) at the top of each hour. I guess there are some other things to try. That's not to say that they'll make you successful, but they could help if you're consistent. Consistency is extremely important. One of the great tricks of the devil is to take our shame for sin and make us run away from God. Think of even Adam and Eve who hid themselves. We do the same, we hide ourselves, don't pray until we go to Confession. It's the worst thing to do. Think of how you start building a prayer life for a few days, then you fall into sin, then suddenly you stop prayer until you can get to Confession. All of your work is destroyed. It's hard, but it's also an aspect of pride that we run away from God.

Other than that, have you considered a sex anonymous type thing? Sure, it's embarrassing, and your problems are masturbation rather than sex, but it could be worth looking into. I recall having a priest mention it to me when I confessed masturbating one time per week (he didn't bind me to do it, but offered it as a suggestion).

BTW, here's a video worth watching that I posted a week or so ago:
Keep pushing forward... 

"Whenever you feel guilty, even if it is because you have consciously committed a sin, a serious sin, something you have kept doing many, many times, never let the devil deceive you by allowing him to discourage you. Whenever you feel guilty, offer all your guilt to the Immaculate, without analyzing it or examining it, as something that belongs to her…"

St Maximilian Kolbe

https://www.catholicgentleman.net/2013/0...rious-sin/
I'm sorry you are going through this, but you must try and look at it another way.  Your engagement that you feared for awhile was on the rocks, has ended.  You feel that God has abandoned you, maybe even is mocking you.  After a decade of agonizing and sinning you saw a glimmering hope through Holy Matrimony, which was so close, only to see it slip away.  You think there's no point, but perhaps, just perhaps there is a reason this has happened.  You need a special man in your life, one who will love you and help you, maybe even "keep up" with you.

It could be God, through this miserable fate that has befallen you, was trying to spare you of an even more wretched fate.  You think being single and horny blows,  try being married and horny, and a husband who doesn't give a crap whether you are satisfied or not. (sorry for the crassness) 

Marriage is a tough business, and I'm sure you would be on the verge of suicide if you woke up one day and realized you are married to a man who doesn't return any love, doesn't do anything around the house, doesn't try hard at his job, and doesn't care if you are breathing or not...seldom is in the mood, and when he is...you could blink and miss whether or not he even had sex with you...and he doesn't even have the common courtesy to help you out.  You wake up and realize this has been your life, your marriage, for 10 years, and there's no way out...you cannot divorce, you cannot annul, you no longer can pine, as you can now, about finding Mr. Right because you're married to him and he's a ((Trump voice)) "Total Loser"

So hang in there, keep praying, keep going to Confession, thank God that he preserved you from a wretched marriage and ask him to point you in the right direction, and as someone said consider Catholic counseling for your addiction.  

Remember the heavier the cross, the greater the glory.
Do a novena to our lady of grace - padre pio always recommended it for the impossible.
Unlike the others, I have no consolatory advice or prayerful answers for you. I never had a masturbation problem and any issues I had with lust were quashed by having crucifixes over my bed. One look at that and the mood was gone. (When I lived in Central Asia, I kept framed fotos of the leaders above my bed because one look at them would be a turn off.)
 
Like you, confession and falling shortly after are the story of my life. You are obviously not alone. While you have your issues, mine are anger and blasphemy. Again, like you, this anger is related to my lot in life and we have some similarities.
 
I was raised in a Trad family and becoming a nun or wife/mother was the ultimate goal. As fate would have it, as a child, no fault of my own, I developed chronic illness that led to double organ failure. Try finding a suitable Catholic husband with that black cloud. For a long time, I blamed God too. Ranted, raved and like you, thought God was cruel.
 
Many a priest told me to unite my suffering with Jesus and offer it up. So, you go on with that message for a while and see a point comparable to being lost in the desert. You get into a routine of daily devotions, saying the Rosary, reading helpful spiritual readings and you can hold off your most-committed sins at bay. Other priests would say my life situation was guiding me towards my vocation of celibacy, probably 50 cats and a bad perm. I liked boys and boys liked me. Naturally, I raged at God and when I rage, I rage. RAGE. 
 
For the last two years, every day was a struggle. You pray, people say they’ll pray for you, most people don’t give a squat and others say, “In your situation, you better get right with God” (in other words, since you have one foot in the grave and it’s more of a threat of damnation) so you go to Confession constantly. A day or so later, something happens, or you come to a realization you’ll never be good enough, and there goes the blasphemin’.

I finally got married and took flack for that. Accusations I got married just to get laid. I can’t have 10 babies and homeschool them all, and past my Trad expiry date, so get off the Trad bus! Further snide remarks that there really is no point to my marriage and anything we do is illicit. I got so angry, especially at Catholic culture, Canons of the church and like you, question whether this is a God I want to serve. Currently, this is my struggle and a lot of times, I err on the side of not wanting to serve.

And then, I finally get my big breakthrough. Life-saving surgery and make plans. Have that baby in a year! Maybe another! But like the Yiddish proverb, “Man plans, God laughs.” No, more problems in my way and I just feel like I am a jester for God on this earth. Not even at the level of a holy fool. You phrased it perfectly by saying there is a flaunting of something and then having it ripped away in the moment when it would hurt the most. If this is spiritual warfare brought on by nefarious forces, it feels more like a defeat than a consolatory “crumb” of which you speak.
 
Many faithful will tell you, as you have seen advice on this thread, that sometimes, bad things happen because we are to learn a lesson and something better awaits us in the future. We don’t understand God’s big picture of our lives or as the Annales School would say, la longue durée. In your situation, I believe this is true. You will find a suitable partner when you are ready but what must you learn now? Perhaps God wants you to re-examine what is the point of marriage and not sexual relations as the logical purpose, or release, for it. Perhaps God is leading you to address your “uncontrollable sexual desires” and find the root of it before you are at the proper point to move on in your life. Maybe you learned you can't "make" someone love you no matter how good you are and sometimes it pays to be discerning before we commit for life. I don't know. Many of your posts illustrate a lot of thoughts and concerns that would remain even if your choice of future spouse changed. But, I don’t have a psych degree. You need a good spiritual advisor, not an average priest, to guide you here.
 
Unfortunately for me, I have to throw myself at the foot of the cross and scream “Why?” because there is no real lesson to be had for my situation. But I am not alone and being selfish. People have faced cancer and rare disease with more grace than I will ever know. Children have faced worse as well, what is the reason for that? God knows, we don’t. We need complete trust in God but it is hard when we seek crumbs. Maybe this seeking of crumbs illustrate our faith needs to be stronger to reap blessings? Who knows... I ask for prayers, say novenas, pray the Rosary like no tomorrow but some days, I connect more with Mercyful Fate’s “Last Rites” than any prayer. So, back to confession over and over again.

You are always going to be tempted with sexual matters and this is probably a lifelong cross for you. Try going a day, and then two, and then three, I don’t know, where you do not engage in this sin. If the thought comes into your mind, and you are aware of it, change it to something else and get busy doing something else. You know what they say about idle hands... and the same for idle minds. At least you can say that you tried, and truly tried, which God asks.
 
God knows we are fallen and sinners. It’s true that only a select few attain such admirable holiness but we are all called to be saints. Saints didn’t become saints because their lives were easy or they didn’t face temptation. This is your war and you need a long plan to defeat it. Something all inclusive. It won’t happen right away but with constant trying, and maybe seeking outside help, and occupying your mind with other thoughts, perhaps your need for confession will subside too.

That's my advice but it's probably really tainted so ignore it.
(04-16-2018, 09:50 AM)SacraCor714 Wrote: [ -> ]Just went to confession on Saturday and fell again last night. This has been going on for about 10 years now. I go to confession (sometimes taking great risks in inclement weather) and am in a state of grace again for a maximum of 12 hours before falling again.

What's the point of it all?

I'm so sick of going to confession because the graces I supposedly receive do nothing for me. I have not taken a single step forward in 10 years. I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. No progress. No help in overcoming this sin. In fact, I'm more angry with God than ever because I was so close to having a marriage and a fulfilling sexual relationship, and He tore all of that away from me.

And just what am I supposed to do with these desires if I have no way out except praying my Rosary, which works about as well as trying not to think about purple elephants. Do not think about purple elephants. SEE. YOU JUST DID. NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. HAHA.

God is cruel and He demands the impossible from us with no help from Him (and if we're not perfect, then we are flung into eternal damnation). God only gives His graces to an elite, select few. The rest of us losers were born to wander in pain and agony in this brief, ugly world and then suffer in Hell for eternity.

I just can't take this anymore and I'm sick of trying because it doesn't do any good or make any difference. I cannot just keep on keeping on without even just a crumb of consolation, and God won't even give me that. He has taken away literally everything that I had hoped for. He has inflicted me with nearly uncontrollable sexual desires and then tortured me by flaunting marriage in my face and ripping it away at the last possible moment, when it would hurt the most.

What kind of God is this? What kind of loving father is this? Not the kind of God I want to serve.

It's like a father brutally beating his child with a belt and then reassuring the sobbing, bleeding child that the beating was good for him and that someday he'll thank his father for it. That is just sick. That is not a loving father.

I don't see what's so darn great about sex. It lasts for a moment, then comes the really hard part.. getting along with  that person, which if you are married as u should be.. is not as problematic (you wouldn't think) as if you were fornicating.. but in any case..

I have often had the same anger at God, so i can relate to  THAT at least. I do often feel that God is uncaring and cold and aloof and just doesn't care about particular problems. He has taken (uh... WE have taken) sex and marriage out of the picture but that is the absolute least of my worries. I chose to ditch that insanity. I mean, you know.. a person loves you one day, wants to leave you the next.. or maybe doesn't want to leave, but you w ant him/her to... either way... forget that hell...

well, anyway
SacraCor, have you ever gone on a spiritual retreat? Would you seriously consider doing so now? Especially an Ignation retreat? You need to hit the reset button (in more ways than one) and I think a good retreat would do just that.
(04-16-2018, 04:38 PM)TheQueenMother Wrote: [ -> ]SacraCor, have you ever gone on a spiritual retreat? Would you seriously consider doing so now? Especially an Ignation retreat? You need to hit the reset button (in more ways than one) and I think a good retreat would do just that.

I don't think I could second this advice with more emphasis!

Firstly, I think you're expecting too much of grace, and not enough of yourself. Grace is not a magical pill or silver bullet. Confession doesn't magically prevent sin, we have to do the ground work.

Consider the story of Lazarus. Yes, Jesus came and did the Divine work, he brought him back from the dead and restored a rotting corpse to a condition where it could sustain life, and then reinfused his soul. Only God can do that. But then Lazarus comes out of the tomb and what?

"Whereupon the dead man came out, his feet and hands tied with linen strips, and his face muffled in a veil. Loose him, said Jesus, and let him go free." (Jn 11.44)

Jesus commanded the men around to do the human work necessary.

You need to confess, you need to pray. That's extremely important, but more has to happen. You need to set yourself up for success.

You need to occupy your time so there is less chance of sin. You need to have outlets for the frustration. Perhaps there are other medical or psychological issues that need to be addressed. That is all work you need to do, or you need help in doing.

Without that work grace is water off a duck's back. You, and only you can dispose your soul and life for grace to have an effect. Even then, given the history of sins, you also will

As I've said before, marriage is not a solution to bad sexual habits. Those habits will continue in some form or another. You need to work on conquering those habits, but also with the assurance that if you're trying your best and consistently working, even though you are terribly weak, God will work with this.

That does not mean an overnight success, but a path to start down. It may mean confessing over and over and over and over. That's okay. That's why the confessional is there.

Use the Sacraments to help. Confess, then come back to confession (schedule it, if necessary) before you sin again. Use confession as a medicine and not just CPR.

Perhaps you can setup direction with a priest. You come at 9 am for confession, and again at 5 pm every day. Start by using that grace to go 6 hours, then 12 hours, then once strong enough 24 hours, then perhaps 2 days, then a week. Allow that grace to work.

But to get there, you may need to "reset" things a bit. For that I cannot recommend enough a traditional Ignatian Retreat.
As I mentioned before on a different post, I really see evidence of spiritual oppression going on in your life. Please take the suggestions of the others, but also consider deliverance prayers for yourself. Father Chad Ripperger has a really good book on prayers for deliverance . . . there may be a soul tie that may need to be renounced, or generational healing that is needed.

I would also recommend as much time in front of the Blessed Sacrament as possible . . . in addition to "live" visits, I have been recently streaming the Blessed Sacrament (via savior.org), with much fruitful result.

Lastly, have Masses said for yourself and for reparation of unforgiven sins of your ancestors.

If it is indeed spiritual oppression, it may get worse before it gets better (especially if you are reciting the deliverance prayers and intent on purging evil from your life). Keep praying and asking for prayers, especially intercessory prayers of Mary and the saints.
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