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Are there any good resources that specifically address modesty for men? I know it's been discussed a lot but nothing works. It seems as though this topic is focused on appearance in public or when visiting a church. What about a general approach to life and at home?

My husband came to Christianity late in life and still struggles with some morality issues. A good blog post said men’s dress becomes immodest when it is meant to increase sex appeal, impress or (adornment to) draw attention to oneself.
 
Though my husband has a muscular athletic body, he claims he doesn’t dress for sex appeal and his body is for/from sport, not a “fake” gym. His clothes are not “tight” (or feminine) but they are well-tailored so they show his form. In the summer, he’ll wear sleeveless shirts (wifebeater style) so stuff is on display. I struggle with accepting this is not for the opposite sex.

He says he doesn’t dress for adornment although his work-clothes are expensive. The blog post said that this is alright in some cases because in some lines of work, it is only respectful to the job. I believe him but, he says since he is dressed that way for work, he can’t wait to come home and get undressed. He argues that if he’s at home with his old lady, what’s the big deal?

Lastly, to draw attention. My husband said he is not seeking attention. I believe him. He has tattoos but they are old (faded) and with esoteric meanings that the average person wouldn’t get or they were not done for art.
 
So, with that covered, the main issues are this: when my husband is done the work-day, he comes home and immediately puts on old ratty sambo shorts. If someone comes to the door, makes a delivery or visits, he's in those shorts. He will argue that he is in his house, it’s his business and he hates wearing clothes. He’s been dressed this way in front of our cleaning lady and other help. This is the main reason why I post this now.
 
Last week, while at a hotel, the maid knocked and he went to the door in a towel. No shame whatsoever. A robe was readily available, which I pointed out, and he shrugged. We’ve had warmer weather days and he’s been outside doing yard work in those damned shorts. Again, he’ll say, it’s his yard, his business. I’ll retort, actually, God expects a certain decorum all the time. He’s started jogging shirtless again too.
 
Only two quotes from another article made some headway:
The moral character and moral value of man's personality depends most of all on the direction and strength of the will. Of course, everyone understands that for a Christian it is necessary to have first, a strong and decisive will, and second, a will which is firmly directed toward the good of his neighbor, toward the side of good and not evil.
 
And then…

Bad, sinful habits are a great obstacle for a Christian moral life. On the other hand, good habits are a valuable acquisition for the soul and, therefore, man must teach himself much good so that what is good becomes his own—habitual. This is especially important in the early years, when a man's character takes shape.
 
I understand that we are countering decades of one line of thought, and my husband doesn’t understand (or want to understand) that his actions are incongruent with a Christian life. It does not reflect well on a couple that claims to be focused on our respective faiths, his religious instruction and in turn, the priest who is his spiritual advisor. Is this too much to overcome or am I being nitpicky?
 
Can modesty be presented in a more "this is good for masculinity" and valor rather than the typical occasions of sin context?
Zubr, your title is totally click bait!   :D

Now for an honest reply:
I think we are all on a journey of understanding about our faith and there are vast differences in what people believe to be modest.  Just revisit the ladies wearing pants debates that flare up here from time to time if you'd like proof of how many diverging opinions there are on this matter.  

In the space of what a year (or is it a year and a half now), your husband has converted, married, given up a lot of extracurricular activities.  He has a spiritual advisor, prays regularly, and has changed his entire lifestyle.  I'd say he's making great progress.  Instead of pushing really hard right now, why not try a different tactic?  Give him time to grow and learn on his own.  Pray for him.  Let God's grace move his heart rather than you nagging.  Honestly, I think you'll get a lot farther.  

Above all, please resist the temptation to accidentally set those shorts on fire.   ;)  If he gets too mad, he might just decide to walk about the house naked instead - just because he knows it upsets you when he does it around the maid.  These passive aggressive games do nothing for your relationship.  Tempting . . .
It's been a year and a half. I concur that he has made major steps and it would be terrible to sour his fervor. There have been times when he really required prayers to stay the course of his faith. So, I understand it is a fine line. It's difficult to find "good" resources that don't make modesty all about sexuality and you're right, the opinions are vast. It is obviously more of a women's issue than male so the literature is in that direction.

Our cleaning lady is older so he feels she is more like a mom figure than anyone to impress. However, she is a strict Catholic and has a sense of humor but I know it makes her uncomfortable.

Sometimes I don't realize I nag, I guess. :blush:  As for the title, he says he is allergic to pants and since people get safe spaces for lesser things, I need to respect his feelings. He's being a smart ass, and I know it, but yeah.....
(05-03-2018, 10:08 PM)Fontevrault Wrote: [ -> ]Zubr, your title is totally click bait!   :D

Not to derail the thread, but I was accused of the same thing earlier today! I made a post on my blog about the Traditional (pre-1960) Feast today, the 'Invention' of the Holy Cross. That's exactly its title in Latin, tho' 'invention' in this case means 'finding'.
(05-03-2018, 11:24 PM)jovan66102 Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-03-2018, 10:08 PM)Fontevrault Wrote: [ -> ]Zubr, your title is totally click bait!   :D

Not to derail the thread, but I was accused of the same thing earlier today! I made a post on my blog about the Traditional (pre-1960) Feast today, the 'Invention' of the Holy Cross. That's exactly its title in Latin, tho' 'invention' in this case means 'finding'.

"Invenire" in Latin means "to find".
I know. The Latin title of the Feast is 'Inventione Sanctæ Crucis'.
(05-03-2018, 08:51 PM)Zubr Wrote: [ -> ]Are there any good resources that specifically address modesty for men? I know it's been discussed a lot but nothing works. It seems as though this topic is focused on appearance in public or when visiting a church. What about a general approach to life and at home?

My husband came to Christianity late in life and still struggles with some morality issues. A good blog post said men’s dress becomes immodest when it is meant to increase sex appeal, impress or (adornment to) draw attention to oneself.
 
Though my husband has a muscular athletic body, he claims he doesn’t dress for sex appeal and his body is for/from sport, not a “fake” gym. His clothes are not “tight” (or feminine) but they are well-tailored so they show his form. In the summer, he’ll wear sleeveless shirts (wifebeater style) so stuff is on display. I struggle with accepting this is not for the opposite sex.

He says he doesn’t dress for adornment although his work-clothes are expensive. The blog post said that this is alright in some cases because in some lines of work, it is only respectful to the job. I believe him but, he says since he is dressed that way for work, he can’t wait to come home and get undressed. He argues that if he’s at home with his old lady, what’s the big deal?

Lastly, to draw attention. My husband said he is not seeking attention. I believe him. He has tattoos but they are old (faded) and with esoteric meanings that the average person wouldn’t get or they were not done for art.
 
So, with that covered, the main issues are this: when my husband is done the work-day, he comes home and immediately puts on old ratty sambo shorts. If someone comes to the door, makes a delivery or visits, he's in those shorts. He will argue that he is in his house, it’s his business and he hates wearing clothes. He’s been dressed this way in front of our cleaning lady and other help. This is the main reason why I post this now.
 
Last week, while at a hotel, the maid knocked and he went to the door in a towel. No shame whatsoever. A robe was readily available, which I pointed out, and he shrugged. We’ve had warmer weather days and he’s been outside doing yard work in those damned shorts. Again, he’ll say, it’s his yard, his business. I’ll retort, actually, God expects a certain decorum all the time. He’s started jogging shirtless again too.
 
Only two quotes from another article made some headway:
The moral character and moral value of man's personality depends most of all on the direction and strength of the will. Of course, everyone understands that for a Christian it is necessary to have first, a strong and decisive will, and second, a will which is firmly directed toward the good of his neighbor, toward the side of good and not evil.
 
And then…

Bad, sinful habits are a great obstacle for a Christian moral life. On the other hand, good habits are a valuable acquisition for the soul and, therefore, man must teach himself much good so that what is good becomes his own—habitual. This is especially important in the early years, when a man's character takes shape.
 
I understand that we are countering decades of one line of thought, and my husband doesn’t understand (or want to understand) that his actions are incongruent with a Christian life. It does not reflect well on a couple that claims to be focused on our respective faiths, his religious instruction and in turn, the priest who is his spiritual advisor. Is this too much to overcome or am I being nitpicky?
 
Can modesty be presented in a more "this is good for masculinity" and valor rather than the typical occasions of sin context?

When I was married I used to do something similar. For work business casual dress is required, so when coming home I just want to get comfortable and kick back so a comfy pair of shorts and t-shirt was the first thing on my agenda. When married this really bugged my wife. For her she seemed to be upset that I wore nice clothes to work and wore scrubs at home.. We compromised, I kept my work clothes on until after eating dinner together and then afterward got in my comfy clothes.

My wife left for greener pastures so now I do whatever... I can be allergic to pants or any clothes for that matter. However I just retreat to my comfy shorts and t-shirt or sweat shirt.
CaptCrunch,

Thanks for your input. It's most likely the norm to want to decompress after a suit and tie all day. I am willing to compromise! There is a wide valley between modesty and this. A t-shirt or sweatshirt and shorts (of longer length) are fine. I'm not that rigid to have an issue over t-shirt/shorts but rather, at least to me, it is immodest to have that much skin on display around other people.

Now, in general, I forgot to ask something else in the OP. TV5 is rerunning the television series Le sexe autour du monde. I know it's especially important to heed what we watch/listen because it sticks in our brains and in turn, not good for our souls or spiritual development. From the title, you can imagine there is a lot of immodesty and disordered sexuality. (And topics like abortion and feminism...) My husband watches the series because it is "educational" and even the network says it is suitable for 13 year olds. (I wouldn't allow it if I had children...)

He doesn't have any issues with pornography or masturbation and doesn't get aroused by the show. He contends that these programs are issues for Christians because it leads them to sin and since it's not leading him to sin, it's just educational. To me, it sounds like people that try to rationalize their sins. It just fits into the whole modesty issue at home.
I work at home and wear a t-shirt & gym shorts almost every day. I surely wouldn't answer the door in a towel or without a shirt and my gym shorts are baggy enough that they don't show off much, but they sooo comfy. I have an average body type, some muscle, certainly not ripped. However, I personally don't like going out in public without a shirt. The only time I ever really do so is at the beach/pool.

If the shorts are an issue, why not buy him some shorts that are less revealing, but are super comfy? It's almost like switching from briefs to boxers :).
Well, I am not sure what to suggest. How about some loose pants & shirts, kind of a pajama style, like Mexican peons wore, or East Indian men from the Punjab. If they are in the drawer at the top, where you have Silently placed them, he might just grab them instead of bothering to rummage through a pile of other clothes to find his grunge wear. It would help if some other men in the neighborhood wore loose pants and shirts as well, as men seem to be notoriously conventional about the "norm". Perhaps a tropical shirt that one may just pull over the top of the head, not to bother with buttons? And those pants should have an elastic waist. If there is an older man family member who can say a few words to him about answering the door in a towel, words such as "you slob" and "don't be a jerk", he might listen better. Physically, a good source tells me that men do not have as good hearing as women do. You may have to simply say what you want in a loud, simple but relaxed manner, if you can do that. It seems to me that there is a respect and boundary issue, here. But that is for another discussion. One may only change oneself, and if you give respect, he might follow.

A son had a problem opening his mother's bedroom door without knocking, simply because he did not think and wanted to talk. Finally, the lady said to him, You know, I Always knock before entering your bedroom and you hardly ever knock before barging into mine without knocking!!! This really upsets me, and I would appreciate it if you would knock and wait for me to answer before you enter. Then I would be more in a mood to listen to you. Said in an even, firm, motherly dignified voice tone with an even look right at him. It worked! One woman corrected her husband by asking if he was retarded! Men actually like to be corrected by a composed person, if they are being unjust, for they do have a keen sense of justice.

I do not believe this man when he says attention is not involved in his slob habits. He knows he is getting a reaction from you and the neighbors. Men always test you with a story to see if you really mean it, or what they can get away with and still be loved. Perhaps he needs more respect and attention from a positive situation than he is getting at home, or perhaps he is being selfish and needs That pointed out to him. There is a lesson in tolerance, also. He may not change. Is it worth the battle, then? What was the name of that British sitcom of a wife who dearly loved her slob of all slob husbands? You might have to learn to just laugh it off.
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