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I am having a hard time attending Mass, not in a physical sense, but spiritual.  I live in rural Virginia and not far from TLMs in Richmond.  However, the sense that the door is barred against me is overwhelming.  I want so bad to become a devout Traditional Catholic but I feel pushed away.  I was aware of a Saint a couple years ago, that went through the same thing, but I don't remember who it was.

I am conflicted because this desire is so strong, yet, the road seems blocked.

Anyone deal with this?
like your attending but you don't feel like you should be or allowed to. Or are you saying you physically don't go to mass because you feel spiritually pushed away and its manifesting in you not actually attending mass?
(05-04-2018, 11:18 AM)havok579257 Wrote: [ -> ]like your attending but you don't feel like you should be or allowed to.  Or are you saying you physically don't go to mass because you feel spiritually pushed away and its manifesting in you not actually attending mass?

both actually, but more so feeling like i shouldn't attend.  i'll go to confession and even though i still think im not forgiven, i internally beg God to allow me to receive communion even if i believe i did not make a good confession.  then i feel as if i've committed sacrilege.
(05-04-2018, 11:15 AM)capmchuck Wrote: [ -> ]I am having a hard time attending Mass, not in a physical sense, but spiritual.  I live in rural Virginia and not far from TLMs in Richmond.  However, the sense that the door is barred against me is overwhelming.  I want so bad to become a devout Traditional Catholic but I feel pushed away.  I was aware of a Saint a couple years ago, that went through the same thing, but I don't remember who it was.

I am conflicted because this desire is so strong, yet, the road seems blocked.

Anyone deal with this?
Peace.....I am not understanding if you are feeling "barred" in the spiritual sense only, or there is something or someone making you feel "barred"....how is the road "blocked?"  Are you conflicted within or are these blocks more in the physical sense?  In any case, the Lord picks his own flowers as I say, and it sounds as though you are being called to Tradition and perhaps the agitator is hanging around to prevent it.  I'm not aware of the Saint you mention, but most saints have the opposition lurking about and that is why they have an intense prayer life.   Just a thought, and that you need to get to work on your prayers!  God bless, angeltime Heart
(05-04-2018, 11:33 AM)capmchuck Wrote: [ -> ]both actually, but more so feeling like i shouldn't attend.  i'll go to confession and even though i still think im not forgiven, i internally beg God to allow me to receive communion even if i believe i did not make a good confession.  then i feel as if i've committed sacrilege.

Sounds to me like you have a bad case of scrupulosity. I suggest talking to your confessor or any good, preferably Traditional Priest.
You surely need to sit down with a holy priest.  You are under great temptation and scrupulosity may be part of it.  To doubt your forgiveness in confession is to doubt the mercy of God!  And "feelings" cannot be depended upon at all. The absolution does not depend on how you "feel".

To keep yourself from holy Mass is the devil at work on you; counter it, no matter how you "feel" and use your WILL to continue to do what you know you should.
(05-04-2018, 11:15 AM)capmchuck Wrote: [ -> ]I am having a hard time attending Mass, not in a physical sense, but spiritual.  I live in rural Virginia and not far from TLMs in Richmond.  However, the sense that the door is barred against me is overwhelming.  I want so bad to become a devout Traditional Catholic but I feel pushed away.  I was aware of a Saint a couple years ago, that went through the same thing, but I don't remember who it was.

I am conflicted because this desire is so strong, yet, the road seems blocked.

Anyone deal with this?

I have had this problem before. I think that the problem is with the devil. He is placing invisible barriers in order to keep you away from the Faith.