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I'll try to keep this brief.

Many of you have likely seen my old threads pertaining to either home troubles, scrupulosity (ie, anxiety), or both. Now that I've moved out, I don't have the home troubles, but I still have anxiety. When you grow up in a home that's unstable, it's going to make you more or less unstable until you cultivate healthier habits, which I am working on.

Anxiety seems aimed right at the things I love most, my faith and my fiance (both of which are intertwined), and I don't know how to consistently ease it.

Because of the unstable home life, I have struggled with self-esteem issues and what appears to be a perfectionist-ish attitude...it's hard to explain. I know that I'm not perfect, but my attitude is unbalanced with regard to my good and bad (or at least, ambiguous) actions. I tend to "ignore" (I don't have a better word for it) my good actions because you don't get bonus marks for doing your homework, but when something comes up that's bad or ambiguous, I become really sensitive and take it really hard. It just seems to ruin my whole day. There are certain things in my past I haven't even fully let go.

My brain comes up with all these dumb "what if"s and it's hard to get rid of them all. "What if you get to heaven and *fiance's name* doesn't, or vice versa? Will you be condemned to dislike or hate each other? What if that thing you did needs to be dealt with in Confession? What if the fact that you're thinking this means your scruples are returning? What if you have another nervous breakdown and stop practicing again? What if what if what if?"

I don't want to see a psychologist because I've been there and done that...my fiance doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because he's heard of bad things associated with it. I've tried self-care, but I don't know what will bring lasting results.

All I know is I'm tired of anxiety taking the two things I love most and making them both the biggest loves of my life and the biggest targets for my anxiety. Even thinking of them as anxiety targets makes me upset because it sounds so negative.

Also, if someone could clear up whether or not the mentally ill can incur excommunication for me, that would take a load off my shoulders. I had essentially a nervous breakdown once and I went all over the place before practicing my faith again. I'm not looking for an excuse so much as an assurance that my brain won't get me into a penalty that large. There's a thread on this forum right now about how the "closet" is a cage...my brain feels like a cage some days. Venerating St. Francis Xavier's relic last year brought a ton of relief, and my fiance's love does as well...I just feel weak not being able to get a handle on my own mind. I wish there was a cure for this. I pray for it.

Some days, I have a really hard time with even basic things. Thankfully I've been blessed with a very understanding fiance who loves me unconditionally. Any kind or encouraging post will help. Thank you.
The anxiety meds really aren’t as bad as what you’re probably thinking, especially for things like obsessive anxiety.  Celexa, for instance, is apparently a pretty “weak” med, but it’s pretty effective for some people.  Might help take the edge off — maybe something to talk with a doctor or psychiatrist about.

As for good Catholic self-help: www.chastitysf.com
(02-19-2019, 06:39 PM)FultonFan Wrote: [ -> ]The anxiety meds really aren’t as bad as what you’re probably thinking, especially for things like obsessive anxiety.  Celexa, for instance, is apparently a pretty “weak” med, but it’s pretty effective for some people.  Might help take the edge off — maybe something to talk with a doctor or psychiatrist about.

As for good Catholic self-help: www.chastitysf.com

Thank you, FultonFan. Do general practitioners prescribe Celexa?
(02-19-2019, 06:55 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-19-2019, 06:39 PM)FultonFan Wrote: [ -> ]The anxiety meds really aren’t as bad as what you’re probably thinking, especially for things like obsessive anxiety.  Celexa, for instance, is apparently a pretty “weak” med, but it’s pretty effective for some people.  Might help take the edge off — maybe something to talk with a doctor or psychiatrist about.

As for good Catholic self-help: www.chastitysf.com

Thank you, FultonFan. Do general practitioners prescribe Celexa?

Yes, absolutely, but there’s a whole bunch you can try.  Celexa is supposedly on the weaker end of things.  
I just switched from Celexa to Zoloft and Zoloft is definitely WAY more potent, but also probably better overall for the general OCD shenanigans.
In addition to my last post: keep in mind the first week or two on those meds CAN be a little rough, but after that you tend to start getting better week after week after week.
(02-19-2019, 07:04 PM)FultonFan Wrote: [ -> ]In addition to my last post: keep in mind the first week or two on those meds CAN be a little rough, but after that you tend to start getting better week after week after week.

What side effects did you experience on these meds? I'll talk this over with my fiance and see what he thinks, too.
I'd like to clarify that there are some days where I have a very secure and stable peace, but other days, anxiety can rise up suddenly and very quickly become overwhelming.
Hi 'In His Love'

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]My brain comes up with all these dumb "what if"s and it's hard to get rid of them all.


'Jesus, I trust in You' can't work with 'what ifs'.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]"What if you get to heaven and *fiance's name* doesn't, or vice versa?


You just do what you can and the rest is in God's hands, in Heaven we neither marry or are given in marriage, as Christ says in the Gospels when they ask him the question about marrying a widow. Until 'death' do they part.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]What if that thing you did needs to be dealt with in Confession?


Venial sins are covered at Mass, and Mortal Sins are covered in the confessional, nevertheless, you should not be overly anxious, since as Christ said to St Faustina 'I never reject a contrite heart'.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]What if the fact that you're thinking this means your scruples are returning? What if you have another nervous breakdown and stop practicing again? What if what if what if?"

'Jesus, I trust in You' pray often and don't neglect spiritual reading and you'll be fine.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]I don't want to see a psychologist because I've been there and done that...my fiance doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because he's heard of bad things associated with it. I've tried self-care, but I don't know what will bring lasting results.

I've never been to a psychologist and I don't think I ever would, I am also extremely skeptical of this medication stuff. Sometimes psychologists can make things all the more worse, I've heard some bad stories.

Not to mention, instead of running to Christ in times of trouble and anxiety, it teaches people to run toward worldly consolations and more and more pills and medication instead, which is the Devils playground.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]All I know is I'm tired of anxiety taking the two things I love most and making them both the biggest loves of my life and the biggest targets for my anxiety. Even thinking of them as anxiety targets makes me upset because it sounds so negative.

When you feel it coming, run to prayer, say the engravings on the St Benedicts medal "Begone satan, do not suggest to me thy vanities, evil are the things thou profess, drinketh thou thy own poison." "Cross of the Holy Father Benedict" "Holy Cross be my light, let not the dragon be my guide"

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]Also, if someone could clear up whether or not the mentally ill can incur excommunication for me, that would take a load off my shoulders.


Wear a St Benedict's medal, nobody can be possessed and wear that medal.

(02-19-2019, 06:26 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]Some days, I have a really hard time with even basic things. Thankfully I've been blessed with a very understanding fiance who loves me unconditionally. Any kind or encouraging post will help. Thank you.

And in times of trouble, remember Christ's Passion and Death, and things will not appear as bad. There are numerous graces for those who meditate on Christ's Passion and Death. Even looking upon a Crucifix brings grace. Make sure you get a Crucifix, Sacred Heart, Immaculate Heart and Divine Mercy image in your home.

Read St Faustina's Diary from 1485 to 1489

God Bless You
St Faustina's Diary - https://liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.c...y-soul.pdf

1485 to 1489, Just press 'Ctrl+F' then type in '1485' and press enter and start reading.

God Bless You
(02-19-2019, 07:25 PM)In His Love Wrote: [ -> ]I'd like to clarify that there are some days where I have a very secure and stable peace, but other days, anxiety can rise up suddenly and very quickly become overwhelming.

Yes, I suspect you just have bad anxiety some days.  Some days you feel fine, but other days not so much.  That’s normal for anxiety.  An SSRI like Celexa could certainly help level things off, but there are other routes that could help.

Actually, in that link I sent you there’s a pretty incredible tool for anxiety disorders called “Autogenics”. I think if you google “Catholic Autogenics” it will take you right to it.

Actually, do me a favour and try the first day of Autogenics (right arm heaviness), and then post back and see if you feel any different at all.  After a few weeks you’ll feel like you can almost “turn off” the anxious, nervous system arousal voluntarily with a powerful technique.
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