FishEaters Traditional Catholic Forums

So I joined this forum a while ago and then my life fell apart so I kinda left. But now I'm in sore need of prayers or advice.

The abridged version is, I got married three years ago to a man who, while not Catholic, said he agreed to marry a Catholic girl (me) and was in agreement to most of the teachings of the Catholic church, and he'd be willing to convert in his own good time, blah blah blah, which was fine. We went to pre-Cana counseling for six months and got married by my priest. This was all after four years of dating.

Fast forward to now. We have two children together. A few months ago my husband said he wants a divorce. He said he's tired of marriage and just wants to be free. He has started doing things that I would never have imagined him capable of because he never even hinted at "being that kind of person" while we were dating. During these last few months, I have found out that he lied to me pretty much during our entire relationship, hiding important details of his past from me which, while I'm not upset about what he *did*, I'm upset that he never allowed me to see the real him, and that he fooled me. 

As of right now, he says he has lost his faith completely--he doesn't believe that Jesus is the Son of God, he doesn't believe that God has a personal interest in any of us, etc. He says he blames me and my Catholicism for his loss of faith. This is something I can barely wrap my mind around.


There's a lot of hurtful things happening to my family right now and details that I don't want to go into, but if you all could pray for my children, specifically--that they don't have to grow up in a fractured family, that God can somehow preserve their love of their faith despite their father's influence. Edit: kiddos are two and a half and six months, so...it's not like they know. But they'll grow up eventually.

Also...did God ordain this split between my husband and I? Is it really okay if I just disengage and just pray about all of this happening instead of trying to chain my husband down and keep him with us? I read "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence", and while it helped, I am filled with so much doubt and fear. I really don't know how any of this could have happened. I tried to do everything "right" while dating, and it's all blown up in my face. What do I do now?

Anyway. Thanks for reading my ramble. God bless all of you.

I will certainly pray for you.  I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. 

In answer to your question, flatly in the negative, it is definitely not the ordained will of God for someone to forsake his vows in a sacramental marriage.  Yet there may not be too much you actively can do either to prevent it if he is resolute, other than praying fervently for him and remaining true to your own vows regardless of his infidelity to his own.  That example of yours will give a strong and wonderful witness to the faith to your children.

Another thing I would encourage you is please to not try to internalise this and handle it on your own.  Surrender to divine providence is important, but it neither contradicts nor negates our emotional and interpersonal needs as humans.  It is not wrong to seek counsel, reassurance or support from those around you -- preserving in charity at all times, of course -- as if it somehow undermines your purported trust in God.  Christ wept in the garden as an example for those who are betrayed and suffering, both of the legitimacy of human emotion and also as the proper way to manifest it whilst remaining wholly united and docile to God's will.

If you haven't already, I would suggest speaking to your parish priest or another trustworthy confessor.  He will be able to give you guidance both spiritually and practically in both the short and long term.

(10-14-2019, 10:44 AM)Steven Wrote: [ -> ]I will certainly pray for you.  I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. 

In answer to your question, flatly in the negative, it is definitely not the ordained will of God for someone to forsake his vows in a sacramental marriage.  Yet there may not be too much you actively can do either to prevent it if he is resolute, other than praying fervently for him and remaining true to your own vows regardless of his infidelity to his own.  That example of yours will give a strong and wonderful witness to the faith to your children.

Another thing I would encourage you is please to not try to internalise this and handle it on your own.  Surrender to divine providence is important, but it neither contradicts nor negates our emotional and interpersonal needs as humans.  It is not wrong to seek counsel, reassurance or support from those around you -- preserving in charity at all times, of course -- as if it somehow undermines your purported trust in God.  Christ wept in the garden as an example for those who are betrayed and suffering, both of the legitimacy of human emotion and also as the proper way to manifest it whilst remaining wholly united and docile to God's will.

If you haven't already, I would suggest speaking to your parish priest or another trustworthy confessor.  He will be able to give you guidance both spiritually and practically in both the short and long term.

Thank you kindly. I will take your advice.