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Finding a Wife - Printable Version

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Finding a Wife - Historian - 06-12-2005

The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)



Finding a Wife - Historian - 06-12-2005

That's great, lol. I love it.



Finding a Wife - Historian - 06-13-2005

That's excellent!!! Now I'll share a joke...

God said to Adam, "Adam, I want to give a wonderful companion. Someone who will listen to you, and keep you company. I will make her beautiful and she will give you joy. She will give your beautiful children and won't complain. She will be yours for as long as you live!"

Adam was shocked and said, "Ok God, that sounds really good, but what's this going to cost me?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam replied, "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest fellows, is history...




Finding a Wife - Historian - 06-13-2005

[Image: rofl.gif] LOL


Finding a Wife - Jarrod_D - 06-16-2005

I know most of my friends go by this one "Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) "  then agian when you find your wife at a bar ...
 
Jarrod



Finding a Wife - francis - 06-16-2005

LOL! I suppose this list is of Protestant origin, otherwise they would have added:

Find a woman who despairs of having a husband survive the wedding night. On your wedding night burn some fish liver as an exorcism, and spend the first three nights in prayer only. Then you're safe.

Tobit chapters 6-8.




Finding a Wife - Historian - 06-17-2005

Ok, one more joke in this arena:

Adam asks God, "Wow, this woman you gave me is wonderful! She is beautiful, friendly, and we get along just great. I just have one question."

God says, "Ok what is it?"

Adam asks, "Why did you make her so dumb?"

God replies, "So that she could love you too."

That joke makes women laugh as well.