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Difficulty with addiction - IntoTheMystic - 01-18-2019

I have been struggling. I used heroin from 14 - 24. I have been sober over 6 years...but I feel this terrible urge to use again. I recently put a pause on my vocation....which now I think was a help a friend and his wife launch a retail store and the 80+ hour weeks are quite literally killing me. I go to sleep, wake up, go to work, end my shift at 10pm and repeat. I haven't been able to make daily Mass for over a month (although I refuse to work Sundays so I haven't missed our local TLM). However, I haven't worked like this since before I sold everything - my company included - and started living as a hermit. My need to financially survive in the long run got the better of me and I took the opportunity to invest 45k in a retail store and am now working crazy hours again. I pray I can get back to my vocation - I truly feel God is calling me to live as a penitent eremitic - but my need to feel financially secure got the best of trust in my Lord failed and I'm stuck in the rat race again. Please...if you can spare it...pray for me. Pray I don't lose my way to money...and if you can spare the prayers please pray that I can get out of this cycle and care not about money beyond that which my Lord sends to me. I need to trust again that He will take care of me - what I need and not what I want. 

God bless you all. You are all in my prayers.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - Credidi Propter - 01-19-2019

Please get help now. Talk to an addiction treatment counselor. I can and will pray for you right this minute. Addiction is no joke, particularly that one. It’s important that you speak to a professional as soon as possible.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - IntoTheMystic - 01-19-2019

Thank you Credidi Propter <3 I appreciate both your prayers and your advice. I am in contact with a local Church-sponsored group as of this evening, and I'm meeting with a counselor tomorrow afternoon (as long as the snow holds and I can drive to them which it looks like it will). I was warned by my director that I would start to have challenges once I started earnestly on my vocational course. I just never expected I'd fall so far off course...getting mixed up with business again. I sold my commercial janitorial company (where I was working 60+ hours/week since I was 17 (I started the company with high school friends)) for enough to 'retire' at 30 and follow a calling to the eremitical life as a penitent (I lived a rather horrid life prior to my entering the Church) and I thought I was done with these hours...but, in my weakness, I fell victim again to my greatest hidden vice - the need to feel independently secure. It kills me because my director specifically warned me about this personal temptation..and I still gave in (Father said he knew it from my personality and history with business and addiction...he's a wise man).

I have been drinking a lot more than usual lately - this is the weakness that is an indicator to me that I need to watch my heroin addiction if my past is any indicator. I'm changing my schedule tomorrow gradually - taking up more exercise in the morning and evening (I do triathlons so heavy exercise is something that helps me keep busy) at the advice of my sober friends which I hope will help. More importantly, I'm committed to attending Mass tomorrow and every day afterward as that is the greatest help for someone like me (I did since my Confirmation but fell off after I started working all these hours again at the store). Anywa...I'm sorry to vent/ramble. I just don't want to go back to that life. I feel like I should just cut my losses with the store and get back to my vocation. In fact, I know I should...but I'm too weak - and the enemy is too strong - for me to walk away from a 45k investment....even if I should. I just pray for the strength to do so.

I guess it's a minor sacrifice which I am too afraid to make and that makes me question my entire vacation...which is either me being not called or the enemy working very hard to pull me away. Please, I beg you, pray for me and all who are called but struggle with wordly addictions. Ven. Matthew Talbot..pray for all of us who seek to serve God but struggle with addiction.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - IntoTheMystic - 01-19-2019

I apologize for any typos. My keyboard is acting funny tonight with my trackpad - Linux issues. I just realized this was happening.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - jovan66102 - 01-19-2019

You are added to my intentions and I'll remember you at Mass tomorrow.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - Ambrosiano - 01-19-2019

:pray: :pray: :pray: Praying for you.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - dahveed - 01-19-2019

I'm adding you to my Rosary intentions.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - CaptCrunch73 - 01-19-2019

Saint Maximilian Maria Kolbe, your life of love and labor for souls
was sacrificed amid the horrors of a concentration camp
and hastened to its end by an injection of a deadly drug.
Look with compassion upon IntoTheMystic
who is now entrapped in addiction to drugs
and whom we now recommend to your powerful intercession.
Having offered your own life to preserve that of a family man,
we turn to you with trust, confident that you will understand and help.
Obtain for us the grace never to withhold our love and understanding,
nor to fail in persevering prayer that the enslaving bonds of addiction
may be broken and that full health and freedom may be restored to him whom we love.
We will never cease to be grateful to God who has helped us
and heard your prayer for us.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - St Patricks Helpmate - 01-19-2019

ITM, I am very sorry you are going through a hard time. I've heard that people with an alcohol addiction never really get over it but have to manage their condition by keeping off alcohol. I appreciate that your temptation is with a different substance than alcohol. A Catholic friend of my late mother (the friend lived to be 99 only dying a few years ago) had a saying that "he" (he being the father of lies) bothered about those who he thought were a challenge. I think many of us have been through difficult periods in our lives albeit not necessarily fighting an addiction. I think St Theresa of Avila experienced a "dark night of the soul". I know sympathetic messages may not directly assist you but they are sincere.

Are there any old acquaintances that are trying to lure you back into your old way of life? I know it is not always easy to cut contact with such people if they live close to you. I will "say one" for you.

RE: Difficulty with addiction - FultonFan - 01-19-2019

You already have enough intelligence and insight to have brought you THIS far — now it’s time
to resolve to go a step further.  In your post, you show a very keen insight into your own weakness and failures; DON’T WASTE THAT INSIGHT.  Allow your current temptations to be turned into an opportunity for profound purgation in THIS life.  That means daily, extensive time in mental prayer with Our Lord.  Tell Him you’re all alone and tempted.  Tell Him you want to be purged of all addictions, worldliness, and selfishness.  Tell Him that you want to serve Him, and Him alone.  Ask Him that you may be converted entirely to Him, from the very depths of your heart.

ALSO, to assist you with your current situation, I can’t recommend enough the two following items: 1) ; this is an Autogenics program, that will teach you PROFOUND relaxation, provided by a traditional Catholic Clinical Psycholost. and 2) look up “Raymond LLoyd Richmond on Apple Music and get his relaxation recordings.

God bless you.