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Impurity within Marriage - SacraCor714 - 02-27-2021

Most of you old-timers on the forum know this, but I've struggled with masturbation since childhood (I am female) and it has only continued within my marriage of almost two years with two kids. I have been very open and honest with my husband about this and he has been nothing short of loving and understanding, but I still hate myself and feel like he deserves so much better. I feel like every time I commit this sin, I am cheating on him.

My husband is a very pure man and I trust him completely, even though he works at a place where he is surrounded by pornography (his boss has porn hung up on the shop walls and magazines lying around everywhere). Our sex life is excellent and he satisfies me completely, but I still have very strong urges to masturbate several times a week, especially at night when I am struggling to fall asleep. 

I have no hesitation in saying that I am addicted. I have been to four therapists and completed two online addiction recovery programs to no avail. Furthermore, my husband and I are looking at a long period of abstinence after #2 is born in July since we have decided we cannot afford to have any more children until he has gone to school and gotten a better job. I fear that I will struggle all the more with masturbating during this time even while my husband remains continent, which is as unfair as it is reprehensible. 

I once heard Fr. Ripperger say that children often inherit the sins of their parents. My father was a chronic masturbator. I am now afraid that my two sons will also inherit this disgusting sin from their mother, the very person who is supposed to protect them from evil and foster in them a strong devotion to purity. I am a horrible role model and a hypocrite to be sure. I am not fit to raise these boys well. 

Has anyone else here struggled with impurity within their marriage, and if so, what did you do about it?


RE: Impurity within Marriage - MagisterMusicae - 02-27-2021

(02-27-2021, 03:42 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I once heard Fr. Ripperger say that children often inherit the sins of their parents.

Fr Ripperger preaches the Protestant idea of "generational spirits" and is dead wrong on this.

Ez 18.20 : "The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, and the father shall not bear the iniquity of the son."

Dt 24.16 : "The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, nor the children for the fathers, but every one shall die for his own sin."

Further, the whole notion of generational spirits undermines Baptism including its exorcisms. In fact, it approaches heresy, suggesting the despite Baptism and the exorcisms attached, a soul still have some sin remaining (which Baptism is unable to remove, yet we assert Baptism works ex opere operato).

What is true about the "passing on" of sins, does not need devils or "spirits". People who live badly and do not try to live as Saints do not produce children who will try to live like Saints. Parents who are not striving to stay in the State of Grace so they can always fight for the souls of their children will do a great disservice to their children. Children will pick up on their bad habits, and volia, like Father, like son.

Even if you struggle with sin, struggle, and don't give up the fight. If you fail, fix it, and then do penance, at the very least for your children. In doing this, you will prevent passing on any bad habits, because you will be teaching them good habits.

If your higher driver is genetic, then it is possible the boys will have trouble, but then, you will teach them well as they grow up, and will be sure to not try to keep the innocent by keeping the ignorant. You will teach them to be generous and to never do anything to dishonor their Father in Heaven by sin, and if they do, then they go to that loving Father for His help to fix it.

Do that and you will not "pass" on anything but the best to your children, and will have no regrets. In doing this you will win a high place in heaven, and perhaps in turning the focus to them, you will also help conquer your bad habits.

Keep on fighting. Be assured we're here praying and making sacrifices for you.


RE: Impurity within Marriage - FultonFan - 02-28-2021

I have to wonder if the therapists you saw truly knew how to address this issue. You need a therapist (or Spiritual Director) that can give you truthful interpretations of your experiences. Quite often, especially these days, CBT seems to be the therapy of choice. CBT can help, certainly, and behaviour modification is what you need. However, perhaps there are subtle issues from your childhood that haven’t been properly addressed. 

This piece might help: http://www.chastitysf.com/q_masturbation.htm

On that webpage, there’s also a link about telephone consultation, if that’s something you’d like to inquire about. 

Be assured of my prayers!


RE: Impurity within Marriage - XavierSem - 02-28-2021

The Three Hail Marys Devotion, Morning and Night, is recommended by many Saints precisely for obtaining the Grace of Purity. You may have heard of it, Sacra Cor? Hope it is helpful to you. http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/three.htm "One of the first to say the three Hail Marys and to recommend them to others was the illustrious St. Anthony of Padua. His special aim in this practice was to honor the spotless Virginity of Mary and to preserve a perfect purity of mind, heart and body in the midst of the dangers of the world. Many, like him, have felt its salutary effects. ...

"PRACTICE: Recite morning and evening the Consecration and Three Hail Marys in honor of the three great privileges of Mary,
together with this invocation at the end of each Hail Mary:

By thy holy and Immaculate Conception, O Mary,
make my body pure and my soul holy;
preserve me this day [this night] from mortal sin."

I highly recommend it. It's very efficacious. Praying 5 decades of the Rosary morning and evening would give even additional protection from mortal sin.

Of course, God's Grace, through Christ's Blood, always washes away all our mortal sins in the Confessional. Even if we fail a hundred of times, the Love and Mercy of God picks us up and remits our guilt. So we should make use of the Sacraments. After Confession, we should go often to Holy Communion. 

St. Alphonsus says Holy Communion gives us the Grace of Perseverance. As we know, it also takes away our venial sins, and gives us the Grace not to fall into mortal sin in future, as the Council of Trent and Pope St. Pius X said. For that reason, the Sacred Heart promised final perseverance for 9 First Fridays.

There's also a lesser known Double Great Novena of the Twin Hearts of Jesus and Mary together. It consists in going to Mass after Confession for 9 consecutive First Fridays and First Saturdays. One of the promises is, "11. The sinners will not fall back into their previous state. They will not only receive forgiveness for their sins, but also a perfect contrition and, through love, they will recover the innocence of their Baptism." https://sites.google.com/site/doublegreatnovena/the-33-promises

I had the blessing to have a book with this devotion called "Pilgrim's Guide to Paradise" in my youth. It was very helpful. Your children also, Sacra Cor, can be encouraged to make it in their youth itself, shortly after their First Holy Communion, since the Lord also promised, "12. Those who make this Novena in the innocence of their Baptism (particularly the the children) will not offend My Heart by a grave fault until the time of their death." The Grace of never committing mortal sin again is a priceless Grace, that also gives final perseverance.

I will pray for you and your family. Hope you become Saints. :) God Bless.


RE: Impurity within Marriage - Bonaventure - 02-28-2021

(02-27-2021, 10:55 PM)MagisterMusicae Wrote: Fr Ripperger preaches the Protestant idea of "generational spirits" and is dead wrong on this.

https://youtu.be/kDjy_K9--Ls?t=1152


RE: Impurity within Marriage - newenglandsun - 02-28-2021

(02-27-2021, 03:42 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: Most of you old-timers on the forum know this, but I've struggled with masturbation since childhood (I am female) and it has only continued within my marriage of almost two years with two kids. I have been very open and honest with my husband about this and he has been nothing short of loving and understanding, but I still hate myself and feel like he deserves so much better. I feel like every time I commit this sin, I am cheating on him.

My husband is a very pure man and I trust him completely, even though he works at a place where he is surrounded by pornography (his boss has porn hung up on the shop walls and magazines lying around everywhere). Our sex life is excellent and he satisfies me completely, but I still have very strong urges to masturbate several times a week, especially at night when I am struggling to fall asleep. 

I have no hesitation in saying that I am addicted. I have been to four therapists and completed two online addiction recovery programs to no avail. Furthermore, my husband and I are looking at a long period of abstinence after #2 is born in July since we have decided we cannot afford to have any more children until he has gone to school and gotten a better job. I fear that I will struggle all the more with masturbating during this time even while my husband remains continent, which is as unfair as it is reprehensible. 

I once heard Fr. Ripperger say that children often inherit the sins of their parents. My father was a chronic masturbator. I am now afraid that my two sons will also inherit this disgusting sin from their mother, the very person who is supposed to protect them from evil and foster in them a strong devotion to purity. I am a horrible role model and a hypocrite to be sure. I am not fit to raise these boys well. 

Has anyone else here struggled with impurity within their marriage, and if so, what did you do about it?
I know in the East, we celebrate the Feast Day of St. John Cassian on the 29th unless it's a normal year, otherwise it's on the 28th. What does he say of lust? It's the most difficult of sins to rid ourselves of and can only be gotten rid of by putting away other sins. Anger drives us to passion and passion burns us with lust. This sin torments you more because you want to be a faithful wife and yet see yourself falling short. You must rid yourself of all of your sins though first. And don't worry about your children inheriting this sin. Pray for them and teach against it and if they realize you struggle with this sin (which they might not), use it as an opportunity to show them that the spiritual life is constant combat against the forces of evil.


RE: Impurity within Marriage - Matas - 03-01-2021

Have you tried sexaholics anonymous? https://www.sa.org/


RE: Impurity within Marriage - Evangelium - 03-01-2021

I second the recommendation of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).  It is a highly reputable 12-step group.  You will find the members to be overwhelmingly male, but women are welcome and do attend.


RE: Impurity within Marriage - Catholic_Sheepdog - 03-02-2021

(02-27-2021, 10:55 PM)MagisterMusicae Wrote:
(02-27-2021, 03:42 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I once heard Fr. Ripperger say that children often inherit the sins of their parents.

Fr Ripperger preaches the Protestant idea of "generational spirits" and is dead wrong on this.

Ez 18.20 : "The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, and the father shall not bear the iniquity of the son."

Dt 24.16 : "The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, nor the children for the fathers, but every one shall die for his own sin."

Further, the whole notion of generational spirits undermines Baptism including its exorcisms. In fact, it approaches heresy, suggesting the despite Baptism and the exorcisms attached, a soul still have some sin remaining (which Baptism is unable to remove, yet we assert Baptism works ex opere operato).

What is true about the "passing on" of sins, does not need devils or "spirits". People who live badly and do not try to live as Saints do not produce children who will try to live like Saints. Parents who are not striving to stay in the State of Grace so they can always fight for the souls of their children will do a great disservice to their children. Children will pick up on their bad habits, and volia, like Father, like son.

Even if you struggle with sin, struggle, and don't give up the fight. If you fail, fix it, and then do penance, at the very least for your children. In doing this, you will prevent passing on any bad habits, because you will be teaching them good habits.

If your higher driver is genetic, then it is possible the boys will have trouble, but then, you will teach them well as they grow up, and will be sure to not try to keep the innocent by keeping the ignorant. You will teach them to be generous and to never do anything to dishonor their Father in Heaven by sin, and if they do, then they go to that loving Father for His help to fix it.

Do that and you will not "pass" on anything but the best to your children, and will have no regrets. In doing this you will win a high place in heaven, and perhaps in turning the focus to them, you will also help conquer your bad habits.

Keep on fighting. Be assured we're here praying and making sacrifices for you.

May I ask if you have any experience in the field of exorcism? I know of certain laypeople who do accompany exorcists in their ministry, and I wonder if you are one of them.

I would also ask if the concepts of "generational spirits" elucidated by Fr Ripperger are the subject of any critique from any reputable theologian or church condemnation?

I have to say as someone who has STEM and Philosophy background with some theology, that as far as I can see this Priest is probably one of the more intelligent and indeed faithful clergymen in these times, and since he is preaching that these things actually exist I would find him to be a credible source, especially since this idea of generational spirits seems to be something that he has as it were "discovered" from his practice of exorcism and discussion with other exorcists. 

I also would note that your argument against his position as currently elucidated seems to me to be incorrect. Fr Ripperger's explanations do not suggest that there is some "sin" left because the baptism could not remove it. Baptism working ex opera operato does so to remove the mark of original sin and to confer sanctifying grace, but there was obviously some reason that the old rite had exorcisms in the rite, and baptism does not remove concupiscence. 

Since we both believe in the existence of angels and demons, it is quite clearly possible that we could hypothesize that a demon who tormented your father might torment you and then your son as well. What grounds do you have personally for denying that such a circumstance is possible? Do you have church documents/reputable theologians or similarly reputable currently living exorcists who agree with you?


RE: Impurity within Marriage - ChairmanJoeAintMyPresident - 03-02-2021

(03-02-2021, 10:42 AM)Catholic_Sheepdog Wrote: I also would note that your argument against his position as currently elucidated seems to me to be incorrect. Fr Ripperger's explanations do not suggest that there is some "sin" left because the baptism could not remove it. Baptism working ex opera operato does so to remove the mark of original sin and to confer sanctifying grace, but there was obviously some reason that the old rite had exorcisms in the rite, and baptism does not remove concupiscence.

Yeah... The sacraments work ex opere operato. Exorcism is not a sacrament, and exorcism works ex opere operantis ecclesiae.