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Atheist girlfriend - __Al__ - 07-20-2021

Hi all,

I'm new to this Forum, which seems to be a vibrant and encouraging place for Catholics to discuss about any topic, I'm really happy I found it :)

I would like to ask for advice regarding my girlfriend, since I'm in a situation that is difficult for me to "process". Basically, my girlfriend and me are a good couple, and aligned in almost everything, which in general is rare to find nowadays. She's a good person and I can tell she loves me, which is also rare to find nowadays. We love each other, however, there's a topic source of many discussions that does not seem to settle, and sadly it is religion.

I'm a moderate Catholic, and she is an atheist. After a lot of patience and digging, I have found out that her grandmother, Jehovah Witness, sadly tried to impose religion on her when she was a child really hard, and her rebel personality together with the fact that she's not a spiritual person led to a really bad opinion and to aversion against religion. If you put yourself in her place, an approximate example would be to have a family which are all painters and they want and expect you to be a vocational painter, when you don't have any skill or sensibility for art at all, and they also try to make you follow that path really bad.

So basically we can collide a lot about that, and it is worrying me seriously. My question is, I'm not sure where Catholics should stand regarding atheist partners, what are the most common cases / approaches? Is it ok to have patience and believe that by living as a Christian and doing my best I might change her perception about religion through the years? (not that I want her to start a religious life, just open her eyes about the great things that Christianity has done and is doing every day).

Any opinion will be welcomed :)


RE: Atheist girlfriend - Suggestions - 07-20-2021

In time many Atheist believe through witnessing Jesus's works . Pray for discernment in pointing those works out . ///But if I do, though you will not believe me, believe the works: that you may know and believe that the Father is in me, and I in the Father. John 10:38


RE: Atheist girlfriend - Justin Tertius - 07-20-2021

(07-20-2021, 06:18 PM)__Al__ Wrote: So basically we can collide a lot about that, and it is worrying me seriously. My question is, I'm not sure where Catholics should stand regarding atheist partners, what are the most common cases / approaches? Is it ok to have patience and believe that by living as a Christian and doing my best I might change her perception about religion through the years? (not that I want her to start a religious life, just open her eyes about the great things that Christianity has done and is doing every day).

Any opinion will be welcomed :)

Do you intend to marry her?


RE: Atheist girlfriend - VoxClamantis - 07-20-2021

Atheist + Catholic isn't a good mix marriage-wise. Your kids need to be raised in the Church, with the Sacraments, and they need to hear a consistent message from their parents about the basic things in life. An atheistic partner can't give your kids that.

You could try sending her this page I wrote for those nasty atheists who engage in Christian-bashing. Because it's a page written for the nasty types, the tone is snarky, and a few F-bombs are dropped, but if you can ignore that, it might help get through to her: https://www.fisheaters.com/seculars.html


RE: Atheist girlfriend - FultonFan - 07-20-2021

Welcome!

Well, as asked before, do you intend on marrying this girl?
Your intentions are admirable. However, if she does indeed remain atheist, you’d likely be in one seriously brutal marriage.
Where does she stand on contraception within marriage? Does she express her disdain for all sins against chastity? Is she OK with not living together until you’re validly married?

In the meantime, yes, pray ardently that she may receive an abundance of grace, so that she can see the Truth with clarity.


RE: Atheist girlfriend - Marmot - 07-21-2021

Welcome!

I hated religion when I first met a bunch of Catholics (I was an adult). After a couple of years of getting to know them and asking loads and loads of questions and getting good answers, I changed my mind, or rather, God changed my mind. I asked to become a Catholic.

Perhaps by listening to your girlfriend's reasons for being opposed to our faith, you can help her come to a proper understanding of what we actually believe. This may involve you learning more about what the Church actually teaches (for example, not answering her objections at once but taking the time to come up with a good reply perhaps the next day). If she shows no openness at all, no willingness to at least hear what the Church has to say in response to her objections, I think it doesn't seem prudent to continue the relationship.

I don't think it makes sense to talk about "the fact that she's not a spiritual person". Every human being has a spirit, that belongs to human nature.

It's hard to raise children in the Catholic religion today even when your wife is a good Catholic, because of influences outside the family. As a single Catholic parent, it's even harder, and if your wife is opposed the Catholic religion, harder still. I wouldn't attempt it.


RE: Atheist girlfriend - __Al__ - 07-21-2021

(07-20-2021, 07:13 PM)Suggestions Wrote: In time many Atheist believe through witnessing Jesus's works . Pray for discernment in pointing those works out . ///But if I do, though you will not believe me, believe the works: that you may know and believe that the Father is in me, and I in the Father. John 10:38

Thanks for the advice.

That's one of the things that encourage me in general to convince atheists, through hard work and actions.


RE: Atheist girlfriend - __Al__ - 07-21-2021

(07-20-2021, 07:20 PM)Justin Tertius Wrote:
(07-20-2021, 06:18 PM)__Al__ Wrote: So basically we can collide a lot about that, and it is worrying me seriously. My question is, I'm not sure where Catholics should stand regarding atheist partners, what are the most common cases / approaches? Is it ok to have patience and believe that by living as a Christian and doing my best I might change her perception about religion through the years? (not that I want her to start a religious life, just open her eyes about the great things that Christianity has done and is doing every day).

Any opinion will be welcomed :)

Do you intend to marry her?

That is the most important question,

It's been months since we started dating and marriage is obviously in the horizon. That is actually one of the reasons that bring me here, I want to have a second opinion besides my family / friends to have a proper and grounded reference as well.


RE: Atheist girlfriend - Justin Tertius - 07-21-2021

(07-21-2021, 07:14 PM)__Al__ Wrote:
(07-20-2021, 07:20 PM)Justin Tertius Wrote: Do you intend to marry her?

That is the most important question,

It's been months since we started dating and marriage is obviously in the horizon. That is actually one of the reasons that bring me here, I want to have a second opinion besides my family / friends to have a proper and grounded reference as well.

I would just be frank with her, in a gentle and charitable way of course. If you are serious about marriage, then I would say that you should lay before her your concerns and what you want for this relationship.

How staunch is she in her atheism? Would she be open to changing her opinion? Also, how old are you two? (Early 20s?) Are you both employed and could you (alone) be able to support her and a family in due time?


RE: Atheist girlfriend - __Al__ - 07-21-2021

(07-20-2021, 07:38 PM)VoxClamantis Wrote: Atheist + Catholic isn't a good mix marriage-wise. Your kids need to be raised in the Church, with the Sacraments, and they need to hear a consistent message from their parents about the basic things in life. An atheistic partner can't give your kids that.

You could try sending her this page I wrote for those nasty atheists who engage in Christian-bashing. Because it's a page written for the nasty types, the tone is snarky, and a few F-bombs are dropped, but if you can ignore that, it might help get through to her: https://www.fisheaters.com/seculars.html

Thanks, the kid's topic is also important and I'm trying to find out where exactly she stands. She is against putting a kid in a Catholic school, even if it keeps the kid out of trouble, gangs and other issues that sadly many youngsters have to face depending on the city / neighbourhood they are raised, which can ruin their lifes (and their parent's).

I'm reading through the web page you wrote. I'm really thankful you provided me the link, it is the complete guide to be engage with sometimes difficult conversations of those that have nothing better to do than dictate to religious people what to do. I'll keep in mind the key points, thanks again!