Mother of grown daughter wondering if I have any kindred spirits
#1
It would be so comforting to hear from other moms if there are any who have the heartache of a grown daughter not finding a suitable spouse , trying to trust in God's time and discern His will.  I have been through a lot with this particular daughter and it's hard to be the mom and be supportive without sounding like a broken record.  Are there any  moms out there that can chime in on this subject so I don't feel like the lone ranger?  My daughter is 35, quite lovely and accomplished, and is a professional.  There have been a lot of frogs so far, and a lot of dead ends, but she still has hope of marrying and having a family.  I would like to hear if any other mothers have been in this position, an aching heart sort of place.  If you have, you will know what I am talking about.
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#2
I don't have a grown daughter yet, but perhaps a novena to St. Valentine would help. Smile
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#3
[quote='In His Love' pid='1340956' dateline='1493835002']
I don't have a grown daughter yet, but perhaps a novena to St. Valentine would help. Smile
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I was thinking of starting another novena. I have not done one in quite awhile.  I have always used St. Therese.  Perhaps St. Valentine is a good idea.
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#4
Oh how I wish my mother wasn't petrified of computers. She would talk (type?) your ear off with her experiences and despair. The good news is that I'm finally married and her nervous breakdown can get put on hold for awhile.  Unsure
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#5
My girls are still young, but I have a friend who's sister that's in that position. She's in her 30's, self-employed working professional, and wants to settle down and have a family. She's the oldest in that family, her sisters are married with kids and her brother is getting married in a couple of months. But it just eludes her. There few guys there's been are toads. She would rather marry a Catholic gentleman (neither of her sisters did), but that seems pretty much impossible. The few Catholic men that are around are already married, or they left for careers (usually politics).

I've maintained for years that there's a defininate shortage of Catholic men, especially in Novus Ordo Land. And most young (under 40) that I've met have been nearly exclusively trad-leaning.
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#6
(05-03-2017, 04:35 PM)PrairieMom Wrote: I've maintained for years that there's a defininate shortage of Catholic men, especially in Novus Ordo Land. And most young (under 40) that I've met have been nearly exclusively trad-leaning.
Novus Ordo parishes = usually women EMHCs + altar girls = less men.
Traditional parishes = no EMHCs + altar boys = more men.

Coincidence? I think notShocked

Moral of the story: let the men be the leading head of the parish and let the women be the nurturing heart. It works better for everyone.
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#7
(05-03-2017, 03:22 PM)Zubr Wrote: Oh how I wish my mother wasn't petrified of computers. She would talk (type?) your ear off with her experiences and despair. The good news is that I'm finally married and her nervous breakdown can get put on hold for awhile.  Unsure
I wish she would get on the computer too!
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#8
Yes, Prairie Mom, that is what I mean.  My daughter is the oldest, two younger sisters married with kids.  She is such a great woman!  Perhaps it means God has a special plan.  She's open to that, but even the last two Catholic men she has been interested in turned out to be not the right choice.  It's not that she's picky or unrealistic, it's more like fighting the culture everyone has grown up in and some guys that age don't seem to even want to get married.  I guess the ship sails, so to speak.

Zubr, tell me how you found your husband, I'd love to hear the general story and were you at the point where you wondered if you would ever find someone?  Are you 20's?  30"s?
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#9
(05-03-2017, 04:42 PM)In His Love Wrote:
(05-03-2017, 04:35 PM)PrairieMom Wrote: I've maintained for years that there's a defininate shortage of Catholic men, especially in Novus Ordo Land. And most young (under 40) that I've met have been nearly exclusively trad-leaning.
Novus Ordo parishes = usually women EMHCs + altar girls = less men.
Traditional parishes = no EMHCs + altar boys = more men.

Coincidence? I think notShocked

Moral of the story: let the men be the leading head of the parish and let the women be the nurturing heart. It works better for everyone.

I know sister. You're preachin' to the choir!

The funny thing is, we keep talking about keeping our kids in the Church. Studies have shown that the #1 predictive factor for children to keep practicing their faith is if their father practices. So we need more men practicing! But current church practice is driving men away.

If for no other reason, that is a reason why we *need* Tradition.
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#10
(05-03-2017, 05:01 PM)Jeanannemarie Wrote:
(05-03-2017, 03:22 PM)Zubr Wrote: Oh how I wish my mother wasn't petrified of computers. She would talk (type?) your ear off with her experiences and despair. The good news is that I'm finally married and her nervous breakdown can get put on hold for awhile.  Unsure
I wish she would get on the computer too!
She threatens us with buying a laptop so maybe! If you'd like, I could talk to her and relay any messages if feel you like that could help you? If so, PM me anytime.

I'm in my early 30s and I honestly believed that I would never find someone. Definitely, there are a lot of toads out there. I have no problems getting/finding a date but no one with whom to settle down. Admittedly, I was a "hard sell" because I am chronically ill and can't have children. That was a deal breaker for Catholic men when I was young (around 20?). As well, it was extremely important for me to marry a fellow Slav. They'd better understand my superstitions and temperament. Men from this region marry young, so the older I  got, I figured that marriage wasn't for me. This won't reflect well on me but I am also extremely picky. At first that really bothered me but as I grew older, I became secure in myself that it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't get married. Meanwhile, to my mother, IT WAS!

When I met my husband, I wasn't actively looking for a boyfriend/husband/date. (Early last year.) If it was going to happen, it would happen, if it wasn't, my life wouldn't be over. He came into my life by luck, honestly. I was helping my judo coach/gym owner one night with coaching and his brother brought a friend with him. A friend who was looking for a place where he could get back into sambo (a martial art) or have a grappling partner otherwise. As a joke, my coach suggested me because the size difference was humorous. 97 kg vs 57 kg. We started talking and that was it, I was smitten that night. My husband was single because he had no plans in his lifetime to get married (late 30s) but things changed in his mind. You honestly never know who God puts into your life, and when, so sometimes the best thing to do is be open to the world and meeting people.  Smile
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