I'm feeling vulnerable and in need of advice, please.
#31
(11-09-2010, 12:45 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 12:31 PM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: I guess I should remind myself that I am the only one dwelling on this, as Jesus has moved on and no longer remembers (:o)!

Exactly.  Lutherans have the dung heap covered in snow theory (i.e., God throws a tarp over them and pretends they don't exist), but for Catholics, our sins are truly blotted out and we return to a state of Sanctifying Grace.  We have the intention to sin no more and try hard to live up to that and life goes on and we fight the good fight.

Just shove it in the back of your brain for reference, and if you ever feel tempted again remember how crappy you felt and realize it isn't worth it.  And do that with any sins that you run into.  Confession is our life raft when we fall out of the boat.  It's our Second Chance, and the leftover guilt after being forgiven helps us to make good use of it.  If the guilt is paralyzing or somehow stops us from doing other things, it's inordinate and scrupulous.  The guilt should be painful, but not make us curl up into balls.

So, you know, just say an Ave and keep going.  I'll say one for you, too. :pray:

Thanks so much, Quis! :D I feel so much better now.

And a big thank you also goes to everyone who has given me advice on this thread. :)
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#32
(11-09-2010, 09:42 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: e
Another Fish Eater reassured me that this wasn't my fault because I was coaxed and he wouldn't listen to my constant "no"s. I just keep thinking...I could have left. I could have ran from the situation in any of those cases where I had said no. I'm having difficulty believing that this isn't my fault. My own priest said I was sexually abused, but I'm left feeling very guilty.

I think that people telling you it wasn't your fault  is one reason you are having trouble getting past this.  You can't accept God's forgiveness until you accept that you did something wrong.  You do have some responsibility for what happened.  Face that and rejoice in God's forgiveness and goodness.  God brings good out of evil.  He is the One who made the Crucifixion into the Resurrection.  Entrust yourself to Him.

(And if it makes you feel any better, I was doing much worse stuff when I was your age.)
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#33
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.
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#34
(11-09-2010, 05:51 PM)Rosarium Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.

We are not talking about a child or someone who is mentally deficient here.  She is a morally responsible adult who understood what she was doing.  While the other person behaved badly, these terms are not appropriate.
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#35
(11-09-2010, 06:09 PM)JayneK Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 05:51 PM)Rosarium Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.

We are not talking about a child or someone who is mentally deficient here.  She is a morally responsible adult who understood what she was doing.  While the other person behaved badly, these terms are not appropriate.
I understand those terms are strong but I don't think Pax is using them to deny her culpability. Obviously she feels horrible about the entire thing. I do think there's a difference between a nineteen yr. old female (esp. one raised in a Christian home) and a male even just a few years older that can be taken into account in this situation.
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#36
(11-09-2010, 06:09 PM)JayneK Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 05:51 PM)Rosarium Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.

We are not talking about a child or someone who is mentally deficient here.  She is a morally responsible adult who understood what she was doing.  While the other person behaved badly, these terms are not appropriate.

Age does not change nature.

Calling a person as described a predator is appropriate, Like the great serpent, he led her astray. Yes, it was ultimately her choice, but exactly was her choice? I think it was primarily not being careful in avoiding the situation, not in whatever it was that she did.
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#37
(11-09-2010, 06:46 PM)Rosarium Wrote: Age does not change nature.

Calling a person as described a predator is appropriate, Like the great serpent, he led her astray. Yes, it was ultimately her choice, but exactly was her choice? I think it was primarily not being careful in avoiding the situation, not in whatever it was that she did.

I would second this.  When I was that age, once I was in a compromising situation it was pretty much guaranteed that I would give in to temptation.  With experience and maturity comes the ability to foresee what circumstances in which one is likely to fail.  The true moment of choosing against God comes well before the actual "acts" take place, but when one is young and/or inexperienced in these matters, it can be somewhat difficult to know beforehand when that "line" is crossed.

As for the young (or not so young?) man that she was talking to, I believe the Biblical passage about millstones, necks, and the bottom of the ocean applies.  If he is the same age or only a year or two older, then there is probably some reduced culpability on his part as well, but if he's in his mid-twenties or beyond, there's no excuse.
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#38
Thank God men wanting to see girls naked is a rare phenomenon these days. 
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#39
(11-09-2010, 06:37 PM)kimbaichan Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 06:09 PM)JayneK Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 05:51 PM)Rosarium Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.

We are not talking about a child or someone who is mentally deficient here.  She is a morally responsible adult who understood what she was doing.  While the other person behaved badly, these terms are not appropriate.
I understand those terms are strong but I don't think Pax is using them to deny her culpability. Obviously she feels horrible about the entire thing. I do think there's a difference between a nineteen yr. old female (esp. one raised in a Christian home) and a male even just a few years older that can be taken into account in this situation.

She was not using the term "sexual abuse".  This was the term the priest used.  It is beyond any of us to say who had how much culpability in that situation, but using the term "sexual abuse" is pretty much saying she had no culpability at all.  She knew it was wrong and she could have prevented it.  She had some culpability.  I am not saying that to be mean.  She cannot accept God's forgiveness if she does not accept there is something she needs to be forgiven for.
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#40
(11-09-2010, 07:08 PM)JayneK Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 06:37 PM)kimbaichan Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 06:09 PM)JayneK Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 05:51 PM)Rosarium Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:59 AM)PeterII Wrote: "Internet predator" "Sexual abuse"?  Ummm, no, that's silly. 

This is a good point to a degree, but there is the issue of nature.

By nature, she (I assume) is a 19 year old single girl trying to live in the faith. Nature dictates a relationship between men and women and a man who violates his responsibility and leads a woman astray has the more blame I think. Note, the fall did not occur until Adam sinned.

We are not talking about a child or someone who is mentally deficient here.  She is a morally responsible adult who understood what she was doing.  While the other person behaved badly, these terms are not appropriate.
I understand those terms are strong but I don't think Pax is using them to deny her culpability. Obviously she feels horrible about the entire thing. I do think there's a difference between a nineteen yr. old female (esp. one raised in a Christian home) and a male even just a few years older that can be taken into account in this situation.

She was not using the term "sexual abuse".  This was the term the priest used.  It is beyond any of us to say who had how much culpability in that situation, but using the term "sexual abuse" is pretty much saying she had no culpability at all.   She knew it was wrong and she could have prevented it.  She had some culpability.  I am not saying that to be mean.  She cannot accept God's forgiveness if she does not accept there is something she needs to be forgiven for.
I was making the assumption she may have told her priest more information than she posted. Still I don't think she's using these words to deny that she needed forgiveness.
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