Head Covering as a Bridesmaid in the N.O.?
#11
Monica Wrote:If the bride is opposed to a short veil or doily, here's an insane left field suggestion. I don't know if it would even work for you, however it's worth a try and nobody but you would really know: have your hair done in a twist with an updo, but use a hairpiece on the top. Your head will be covered, right? People do it in weddings all of the time. Something along these lines:

http://www.oliverssalon.com/images/updo1_1.jpg

You can get a hairdresser to do something a little more conservative if you want. I know it's not a veil or a hat or what you wanted, but if you feel strongly about participating in the wedding then it's something you may consider.

Kind of like how Hasidic Jewish women can wear wigs over their real hair and it counts as a head covering.

This wouldn't work for me though, because everyone would be wondering where I suddenly got all that hair [Image: laff.gif]
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#12
ErinIsNotNice Wrote:This wouldn't work for me though, because everyone would be wondering where I suddenly got all that hair [Image: laff.gif]

Nah, they'd think you'd gone "Cali"  and gotten extensions.
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#13
I was talking about something like one of these:

[Image: pic1.jpg][Image: pic1.jpg]

The head is obviously covered, but it doesn't necessarily stand out.

It's really up to the wearer as to what is comfortable and appropriate for her. If your head is covered, and you feel covered, I think its appropriate. A veil is always preferable, but in this situation, its tough.

I was looking at my grandmother's wedding photos the other day (1958) and the bridesmaids were wearing a sort of hoop with white tulle (?) on top of their heads.

Just offering some ideas. [Image: smile.gif]


[img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg[/img][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.jpg[/img][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-2.jpg[/img]
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#14
SaraLucille Wrote:I


I was looking at my grandmother's wedding photos the other day (1958) and the bridesmaids were wearing a sort of hoop with white tulle (?) on top of their heads.

Just offering some ideas. [Image: smile.gif]


[img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg[/img][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.jpg[/img][img]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/SARABR%7E1.CHE/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-2.jpg[/img]

A grandmother married in 1958?  Wow, makes one see the wide range of ages here.  I'm in my 40's and my grandmothers were married around 1918!

 

Christina

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#15
how would you go about informing the bride that your head must be covered?

I think that we have all had sticky situations wherein we had to participate in something which we at least found questionable. This is just one of many which you will encounter as a traditional Catholic. God allows these things to test us and also to instruct others. 

Sometimes there is no way out without some brand of ugliness. I didn't attend either the wake or funeral of a cousin because his body was cremated. His sister, with whom I have been good friends since we were children, has now broken all contact with me even though I did have a traditional Mass offered for the repose of his soul. I do continue to pray for her as she is herself in an irregular situation.

Some of the suggestions for at least a modest head covering are good ones but I doubt if you can avoid telling the bride about your dilemma.

At the very least I would not offend God or at the minimum make the very best attempt possible not to do so. It should be a strong consideration overriding everything even your concern for your friend's good opinion.

May God bless your efforts.

~In JMJ
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#16
My best friend is like a sister to me and we've been friends since we were children. Declining to be in her wedding because of headcoverings would have strained my relationship with her. Was I picking my friendship over God? Hardly. 1.) Although I think veiling is important, I can think of worse sins that can committed at mass and 2.) I would stick out like a sore thumb being the only bridesmaid up there with a veil. It is in poor taste to wear anything that detracts from the bride, regardless if you are in the wedding or not. All the bridesmaids would have to wear it, in order to pull it off. I think, anyways.

(bridesmaid VENT alert. apologies in advance)
I had already thrown a minor fit about the dresses and counted that as somewhat of a victory. She initially had picked out these hideous skin tight, low cut, satin MERMAID DRESSES in varying colors (champagne pink, brown, and bright orange/coral - lucky me, I got coral. tacky tacky tacky) I had just had a baby a few months before and this dress let everything hang out, highlighted every lump and bump, left little to the imagination, and (surprisingly) would have to be completely removed if I was to breasfeed - it was a nightmare. Later, in private, I told her I didn't care much for them and why. She was cool about it, and said she wasn't set on them anyways and would keep my wardrobe needs in mind in the future. She called me later to say she found another dress that she liked and reserved one for me to try on. I found a babysitter, got to the shop, took one look at the dress and burst into tears. It was a STRAPLESS, sequined, brown/aqua hawaiian print dress that hit a good inch above the knee. I could see how this dress might look stylish on a supermodel but on my post-natal body it looked like a muu-muu for hookers. I called her later both laughing and crying and saying there is no way I would ever wear this dress. I asked her if she would let us wear a dress style that we wanted in whatever fabric and color that she wanted. No. But she did end up picking the dress that I chose (I didn't love it, but it was lesser of 4-5 evils) so I took that as a small nod in my direction.
(end)

Quote:If a woman feels it is important to cover her head while attending Mass, why would she try to hide this by wearing something quite unrecognizable as a head covering? Wearing flowers in one's hair or a little cap that covers the crown of the head only, seems to me to deny the purpose of the head covering in the first place. Either it is important or it is not. If it is important, then to "fake it", especially in something so public as a wedding seems to me to be totally Pharisiacal.

I hear stuff like this every once in a while and it makes me cringe because you can keep using that logic until women are in burqas. Wearing flowers or a little cap isn't faking it. Wearing a wig might be, but it is creative.

I actually think SaraLucille's idea is cute (juliet caps?) Though I'm thinking of my short hair at the time of the wedding and it might have looked mildly ridiculous (a bit nurse-like, though maybe I'm just hung up on the white.) I've also seen small veils that are so sheer they are almost unnoticable. That could have been an option.

Obviously, if this is something that you feel is worth fighting for, bring it up to to the bride. Put your foot down - though you may end up needing to compromise. I fall on the light side of the trad spectrum so it wasn't a huge deal for me. I could begrudgingly go veil-less for one saturday. I actually considered it a small sacrifice for peace.
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#17
How about a discreet little snood?
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#18
Paloma Wrote:
Quote:If a woman feels it is important to cover her head while attending Mass, why would she try to hide this by wearing something quite unrecognizable as a head covering? Wearing flowers in one's hair or a little cap that covers the crown of the head only, seems to me to deny the purpose of the head covering in the first place. Either it is important or it is not. If it is important, then to "fake it", especially in something so public as a wedding seems to me to be totally Pharisiacal.

I hear stuff like this every once in a while and it makes me cringe because you can keep using that logic until women are in burqas. Wearing flowers or a little cap isn't faking it. Wearing a wig might be, but it is creative.

I certainly wasn't suggesting burqas, but I was trying to say that a veil or mantilla or other head covering would not be one if no one noticed it!  Now, if a scarf or whatever is required, it need not be showy.  The bridesmaids should not outshine the bride.  It sounded to me like the ErinIsNotNice did not want anyone to realize she was actually wearing a head covering.  The Pharisees followed the letter of the law (yes, there is some sort of head covering) but not the spirit of the law (no one knows she is being obedient as a traditional Catholic).  My opinion is that if the cap or whatever cannot be noticed for what it is, then one might as well not wear it at all.  I did like SaraLucille's pictures of the little scarves, very feminine and traditional, and, frankly, elegant.
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#19
How 'bout skip the veil and go to Confession? Chances are you'll get the talk on "scrupulosity."

For the sake of argument, if you were the bride, would it be fair to make a veil part of the uniform of the day?
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#20
Sonoman Wrote:For the sake of argument, if you were the bride, would it be fair to make a veil part of the uniform of the day?

I think that would be expected from most trad brides.
I'm just glad that only one wedding I'm in is a church wedding.  Secular weddings are so much easier on the bridesmaids [Image: laff.gif]
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