Prospective Questions on Conflict in Marriage.
#1
Hello,

I have been thinking lately about what it must be like to marry and to adjust to being married, especially in the first few years. From married ladies (gentlemen are also welcome), I am wondering what kinds of conflicts you faced and how you worked on solving them? My parents were seperated when I was small, and my family does not practise the Faith, so they are not great to ask. I am especially wondering how to continue feeling motivated, as a wife, to cook for, clean for, go on dates with, etc., somebody whose faults, I'm sure, will become more obvious to me once I am married. Do you ask your spouse to change annoying habits? Do you carry a water gun? Do you just keep a crucifix close by to raise your soul to? Is there a relation you can talk to for sympathy without being gossipy or unfaithful? Do you just focus on your children a lot?

I hope this is not too personal a subject to ask about. Other discerning brides can feel free to join!

SH
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#2
Just remember that he is the boss, and his wants and needs come before everything else in your life.  Never criticize, always wear make up and look pretty, and never argue.
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#3
ErinIsNotNice Wrote:Just remember that he is the boss, and his wants and needs come before everything else in your life.  Never criticize, always wear make up and look pretty, and never argue.


Erin has finally seen the light!! [Image: laff.gif]
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#4
I'm pretty sure that a couple needs to be honest with each other if the marriage is ever going to hold...so you may have to cough up some things that you're uncomfortable with sometimes.
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#5
Cephas Wrote:I'm pretty sure that a couple needs to be honest with each other if the marriage is ever going to hold...

The ability lie can be very useful at the end of a long, ugly day. "Darling, you look as beautiful as the day I met you" said just the right way can work wonders.
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#6
DarkKnight Wrote:
Cephas Wrote:I'm pretty sure that a couple needs to be honest with each other if the marriage is ever going to hold...

The ability lie can be very useful at the end of a long, ugly day. "Darling, you look as beautiful as the day I met you" said just the right way can work wonders.

Are you telling me Mr. Not Nice is lying to me?!!
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#7
ErinIsNotNice Wrote:
DarkKnight Wrote:
Cephas Wrote:I'm pretty sure that a couple needs to be honest with each other if the marriage is ever going to hold...

The ability lie can be very useful at the end of a long, ugly day. "Darling, you look as beautiful as the day I met you" said just the right way can work wonders.

Are you telling me Mr. Not Nice is lying to me?!!

A lie is a mighty hard thing to call it. Besides, I'd call him Mr. Very Nice at that point in the day.

Think of it as a one of the charismas that attend marriages. You can tell when you look at an old couple, they're not seeing the decrepit, spindly shell in front of them - but the person they stood next to on their wedding day. I'd call it a blessed myopia.
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#8
My suggestions go for both the husband and the wife, in general.

Work hard, all the time.  If you are busting your butt, then time with the loved one is that much more precious.  You also don't have time to think about their faults because you're too busy working to notice the small things that become big things in some marriages.

If something doesn't matter to you, just say, "OK".  If it does matter to you, still say "OK" unless it's something that is a Bad Idea™ like using the house money to buy a sports car.  The less times you say "no" the more effect it will have when you do.

Die unto yourself.  People who aren't humble will have big problems because they usually think they are entitled to more than they get from the spouse, and in reality, we aren't entitled to much from our spouses.  Sure, the marital debt, faithfulness, etc., but we aren't entitled to affection, smiles, flowers and gifts, a happy disposition, etc.  However, it is our duty to try to give that to the other spouse even if we don't get it in return.  Especially for the man who is to love his wife as Christ loves His Church.  Christ gives us, the Church Militant, way more than we deserve or are entitled to.  A husband should try to do the same for his wife.

People who aren't humble also get upset when they realize with a spouse and kids they can't afford their favorite hobbies, they can't go out with their friends, etc.  Humble people can accept their lot in life much better than someone who isn't.

Delight in every act of kindness from your spouse, and don't take to heart any act of unkindness.  Your spouse is human, too, and he will make mistakes, have a bad day, say something without thinking, etc.

Don't go to bed angry.

I could write more, but I'm probably boring everyone.  You'll figure it out, if you try.

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#9
ErinIsNotNice Wrote:Just remember that he is the boss, and his wants and needs come before everything else in your life.  Never criticize, always wear make up and look pretty, and never argue.

I'm sending an exorcist to Erin's house.  She's been taken over by Colleen Hammond. :P
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#10
I may get in trouble for saying this, but I think the idea that you should go on dates with your husband is stupid. There's pressure to maintain a period of your relationship that served a specific purpose and died a natural death -- to keep on thinking of each other the way you did when you were just getting acquainted. I think married people, especially women, make themselves very unhappy by trying to revive a particular kind of romance instead of seeking something deeper and lasting.

Which is not to say that the husband should never tell his wife she looks as beautiful as the day he met her.
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