Aspergers and ADHD
#91
(07-26-2009, 03:36 PM)ResiduumRevertetur Wrote: Mine (12 y.o.) only looks me in the eye when I make him do it. It's as tho somehow that's going to fix the problem. All of a sudden, maybe, just maybe, this time, I'll break through. But it doesn't happen. He just stares and I hug him and he goes away again. Sometimes I despair that we'll never have a better relationship and it frustrates him, too, because he compares himself to other people all the time.

The reason why he (if he is Asperger's) only looks you in the eye when you make him do it is because it is meaningless to him. It only distracts him and gives him no information. He likely also doesn't know why you tell him to do it. He, like all humans, will automatically see others through his own eyes and see others as seeing the world as he does (just like you ;)) and he doesn't know the depth on non verbal communication and the amount of communication that NT's do with their faces/eyes. That blank look he probably has is a result of this; communication is not done that way for him. He doesn't communicate that way and he doesn't receive communication from others in that way (if he is young enough, other people's faces are very confusing and looking away from your face is a necessity for communication). Interestingly (to me) a collection of people with AS also do not look at each other's faces. From what I've noticed, eye and facial movement isn't important at all, as long as you can hear the other. You will never "break through" because there is nothing to break through, you can however probably greatly increase communication and understanding with him if you do it in a way he and you can understand. (If you want discuss these things more, you can PM or email me. I'm always glad to help.) I've noticed that the most problems for people with AS and society are doing this time of pre-adulthood, and those who are mature are able to overcome problems, but do not feel a need to share that information. I'm trying to write about the subject more to help others and I hope to get a useful book written soon about it. I would write more about this, but it isn't something which should be written publically because I'd have to write it generically and it may give the wrong impression for those looking for more personal responses.

Also, assuming average physical development, he is about to be confronted with an entirely new social structure (teenagers) which is confusing enough for NT's. It may be in his and your best interest to establish good communication before he is confronted with this difficult time so he thinks to come to you with problems (especially if he is going to be around NT people his age in any great numbers, especially at school).
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Messages In This Thread
Aspergers and ADHD - by VoxClamantis - 08-22-2008, 05:53 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by kjvail - 08-22-2008, 09:17 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 08-22-2008, 10:37 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by britmum - 09-01-2008, 10:45 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 09-02-2008, 02:11 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by jovan66102 - 09-02-2008, 03:52 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 09-02-2008, 08:01 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by kjvail - 09-02-2008, 08:08 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 09-02-2008, 10:21 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by kjvail - 09-02-2008, 10:28 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 09-02-2008, 10:43 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 09-02-2008, 10:44 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by mom - 09-02-2008, 03:03 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by ronyu02 - 09-03-2008, 09:01 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 09-03-2008, 06:07 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 09-03-2008, 06:12 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by JesusFreak84 - 09-04-2008, 11:55 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 12-31-2008, 03:38 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 12-31-2008, 06:14 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 12-31-2008, 06:35 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 12-31-2008, 06:38 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 12-31-2008, 06:52 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 01-01-2009, 11:53 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by AdoramusTeChriste - 01-01-2009, 07:57 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-01-2009, 09:21 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by AdoramusTeChriste - 01-01-2009, 09:32 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-01-2009, 09:41 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by AdoramusTeChriste - 01-01-2009, 10:16 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-01-2009, 10:21 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by AdoramusTeChriste - 01-01-2009, 10:37 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-01-2009, 11:24 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Quaesumus - 01-01-2009, 11:33 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-01-2009, 11:37 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Quaesumus - 01-02-2009, 02:09 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-02-2009, 05:12 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-02-2009, 05:14 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-02-2009, 05:18 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by WhollyRoaminCatholic - 01-02-2009, 05:26 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-02-2009, 07:07 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Stephanos - 01-02-2009, 07:12 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by orate - 01-02-2009, 07:19 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-02-2009, 08:25 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by bluecarmel - 01-02-2009, 09:21 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-02-2009, 09:45 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-02-2009, 09:55 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-04-2009, 10:28 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-05-2009, 12:00 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by mom - 01-05-2009, 07:30 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-05-2009, 07:55 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Melita - 01-05-2009, 08:09 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-05-2009, 08:17 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Melita - 01-05-2009, 08:21 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-05-2009, 08:41 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-05-2009, 10:57 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by AdoramusTeChriste - 01-05-2009, 11:41 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by mom - 01-06-2009, 12:51 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by mom - 01-06-2009, 12:52 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by mom - 01-06-2009, 01:03 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-06-2009, 03:08 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-06-2009, 03:15 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-06-2009, 03:16 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-06-2009, 09:10 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-06-2009, 01:06 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by VoxClamantis - 01-17-2009, 09:06 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-17-2009, 09:16 PM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-18-2009, 06:23 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-18-2009, 06:37 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-18-2009, 07:56 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by somerset76 - 01-18-2009, 09:24 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-18-2009, 10:05 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by somerset76 - 01-18-2009, 10:37 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 01-18-2009, 10:45 AM
Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 01-18-2009, 07:36 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Lee Timmer - 07-25-2009, 04:09 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-25-2009, 04:43 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-25-2009, 06:11 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-25-2009, 06:35 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-25-2009, 07:21 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-25-2009, 08:24 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-25-2009, 08:27 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Joamy - 07-25-2009, 08:42 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by libby - 07-25-2009, 08:43 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by WhollyRoaminCatholic - 07-26-2009, 02:11 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-26-2009, 02:24 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-26-2009, 02:56 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 07-26-2009, 03:36 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by orate - 07-26-2009, 03:46 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by libby - 07-26-2009, 04:09 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-26-2009, 04:30 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-26-2009, 04:47 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-26-2009, 05:25 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Melita - 07-26-2009, 05:38 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-26-2009, 05:46 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-27-2009, 06:16 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 07-27-2009, 08:36 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by WhollyRoaminCatholic - 07-27-2009, 09:42 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 10:40 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 11:01 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 07-27-2009, 11:36 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 11:48 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 07-27-2009, 11:49 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 12:14 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 12:43 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by orate - 07-27-2009, 01:21 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 07-27-2009, 02:33 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 02:37 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by ResiduumRevertetur - 07-27-2009, 02:41 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 02:48 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 04:05 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Melita - 07-27-2009, 04:09 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 04:12 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Satori - 07-27-2009, 04:35 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 04:52 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 05:02 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-27-2009, 07:31 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 07:34 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-27-2009, 09:45 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-27-2009, 10:18 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-27-2009, 10:43 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-27-2009, 11:16 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 07-27-2009, 11:41 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 12:18 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 12:21 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 07-28-2009, 12:27 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 12:28 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 12:30 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Dust - 07-28-2009, 02:15 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Dust - 07-28-2009, 02:15 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by voxpopulisuxx - 07-28-2009, 08:34 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 11:50 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 12:47 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by orate - 07-28-2009, 12:57 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by devotedknuckles - 07-28-2009, 01:23 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 07-28-2009, 01:34 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by DarkKnight - 07-28-2009, 05:33 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Dust - 07-29-2009, 05:15 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Veronica - 08-07-2009, 08:10 AM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Dust - 08-07-2009, 07:22 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 08-09-2009, 04:02 PM
Re: Aspergers and ADHD - by Historian - 08-09-2009, 06:03 PM



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