Lord James' profile (Male, San Antonio, Texas)
#11
diotima Wrote:It´s not so much the "have nothing" aspect, but the emotional maturity one I had in mind... while you certainly are a mature 20year old, most 20 year olds are NOT ready, emotionally, for a serious, life-long committment, such as marriage. And why should you be? There is sooooo much in life for you to try first, before taking on the responsibilities of married life and possible fatherhood!
I couldn't disagree more.
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#12
gjwalberg Wrote:
diotima Wrote:It´s not so much the "have nothing" aspect, but the emotional maturity one I had in mind... while you certainly are a mature 20year old, most 20 year olds are NOT ready, emotionally, for a serious, life-long committment, such as marriage. And why should you be? There is sooooo much in life for you to try first, before taking on the responsibilities of married life and possible fatherhood!
I couldn't disagree more.
As someone who was married at 19..i couldnt AGREE more. Trust me kid, dont get married till your 35-40...i love being married and having kids and whatnot, but when i see all my freinds, out at college, getting careers, traveling, and knowing I'll never be able to do any of that, its depressing. I was married at 19, with 2 kids (I have a step-daughter, as well as we had a baby before marriage together) and thats it...my life for me was over, i now have to live %100 for my children. Its fine and all, i made that choice i guess, but yuh, theres times i wish i had waited a few years.
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#13
CanadianCatholic Wrote:As someone who was married at 19..i couldnt AGREE more. Trust me kid, dont get married till your 35-40...i love being married and having kids and whatnot, but when i see all my freinds, out at college, getting careers, traveling, and knowing I'll never be able to do any of that, its depressing. I was married at 19, with 2 kids (I have a step-daughter, as well as we had a baby before marriage together) and thats it...my life for me was over, i now have to live %100 for my children. Its fine and all, i made that choice i guess, but yuh, theres times i wish i had waited a few years.
Odd because I'm a man and even though I'm only going to community college (which I don't want to) I couldn't care less about a career or traveling. I'd much rather have a family of my own but I know I cannot afford it and that society makes it basically impossible with today's socio-economic situation. Men and women should be marrying around their teenage years though anyway today because from what I hear they're doing it already anyway, why not have they be married and not lose their souls? This just shows how much we've reverted to paganism with a thin puritan blanket.
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#14
Catholicmilkman Wrote:
CanadianCatholic Wrote:As someone who was married at 19..i couldnt AGREE more. Trust me kid, dont get married till your 35-40...i love being married and having kids and whatnot, but when i see all my freinds, out at college, getting careers, traveling, and knowing I'll never be able to do any of that, its depressing. I was married at 19, with 2 kids (I have a step-daughter, as well as we had a baby before marriage together) and thats it...my life for me was over, i now have to live %100 for my children. Its fine and all, i made that choice i guess, but yuh, theres times i wish i had waited a few years.
Odd because I'm a man and even though I'm only going to community college (which I don't want to) I couldn't care less about a career or traveling. I'd much rather have a family of my own but I know I cannot afford it and that society makes it basically impossible with today's socio-economic situation. Men and women should be marrying around their teenage years though anyway today because from what I hear they're doing it already anyway, why not have they be married and not lose their souls? This just shows how much we've reverted to paganism with a thin puritan blanket.

Am not so much thinking of travels or career (though making the most of the gifts God gave one is also part of what we should strive to do), as of knowing oneself, so one really understands, what marriage is about, what one is looking for in a spouse... at that age, one CHANGES so much! When I think back at the person I was at that age ... and men take even longer to "mature" than women.
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#15
I got married at 19, too. I didn't even "have to," so go figure.

It seemed the right thing to do at the time. I'm not sure that the regrets that I have stem from making the decision to get married - deciding on the wrong partner a big yes.

The problems could have been at least identified if we HAD premarital sex, but that's not allowed and there was no way of knowing.

It's like everything else in life, it's a crap shoot and just have to throw the dice and take your chances.
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#16
DarkKnight Wrote:I got married at 19, too. I didn't even "have to," so go figure.

It seemed the right thing to do at the time. I'm not sure that the regrets that I have stem from making the decision to get married - deciding on the wrong partner a big yes.

The problems could have been at least identified if we HAD premarital sex, but that's not allowed and there was no way of knowing.

It's like everything else in life, it's a crap shoot and just have to throw the dice and take your chances.

well, it´s just my point - with a few more years of life and experience, you two might have realised earlier, that you weren´t made for each other. Am not saying, marrying that young NEVER works, just that the risk seems higher to me. (and bad sex can be overcome in many cases, leastways, if you feel attracted to one another, and are close enough to talk about it, love one enough to be patient with one another and are able to ask for help)
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#17
diotima Wrote:well, it´s just my point - with a few more years of life and experience, you two might have realized earlier, that you weren´t made for each other. Am not saying, marrying that young NEVER works, just that the risk seems higher to me.

I'm not arguing for 19 year olds marrying, however, it is the only sanctioned "outlet."

By the time people are 25, they seem to have over-inflated opinions of themselves and what a "catch" they are. Sometimes, I think that younger/flexibility might be a good thing. By the time they hit their 40s they can be downright cantankerous.
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#18
DarkKnight Wrote:
diotima Wrote:well, it´s just my point - with a few more years of life and experience, you two might have realized earlier, that you weren´t made for each other. Am not saying, marrying that young NEVER works, just that the risk seems higher to me.

I'm not arguing for 19 year olds marrying, however, it is the only sanctioned "outlet."

By the time people are 25, they seem to have over-inflated opinions of themselves and what a "catch" they are. Sometimes, I think that younger/flexibility might be a good thing. By the time they hit their 40s they can be downright cantankerous.
Lol.... wouldn´t you say, MATURITY gives you a more relaxed and realistic attitude about yourself? Especially young men tend to overestimate themselves... age gets one more balanced, imo. Also, one had a chance to develop a HEALTHY - not inflated - self-respect, that comes with knowing about one´s weaknesses... one learns to be more patient and accepting of those in oneself - and others. And hey - wasn´t arguing to wait until you hit your 40ies... just a few more years to find your place in the world, and are more sure of who you are, and what you want from life and a spouse.
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#19
Oh for crying out loud, the man isn't getting married next week...
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#20
Spooky Wrote:Oh for crying out loud, the man isn't getting married next week...
ja, ja... am just trying to offer helpful advice.
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