You've got bigger problems than NFP. I do sympathize. Your wife's behavior is cruel and you are right to be hurt.

Are you members of the Couple to Couple League? They have dealt with this problem in other couples and can offer advice. If good Catholic counseling is possible, that would clearly be necessary, too -- and of course, prayer for your wife's conversion, for conversion is what she needs.
Yes to everything Satori has said.

Don't despair; keep praying. I'll pray for you and your wife, too.

Does she respond to romance? Write her letters. Tell her how pretty she is. Have some dinners without the kids, where you don't talk about the mundane things that spouses usually have to talk about.

Oh my Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything.--Fr Dolindo Ruotolo

Persevere..Eucharist, Holy Rosary, Brown Scapular, Confession. You will win.
Let me start by admitting that I am unmarried and celibate, so my $.02 may be worth even less.

I don't recommend bringing up the refusal of spousal relations as sinful. It'll likely exasperate an already volatile situation. I do, however, recommend professional Catholic counseling.

I know guys have a hard time with this one, but you might just try opening up to her with your feelings. Let her know you're hurt and that you're worried about the state of the marriage. One of the benefits of NFP is increased communication between husband and wife and it sounds like from your brief description that communication is the problem.

But, like I said, I'm kind of on the outside looking in.


I'm sorry to hear of your marital problems. I'll pray that you'll work it out.

I don't want to seem overly pessimistic, but that is not a good sign. I would also recommend opening communication channels more, and consider counseling.
BeateMariae Wrote:btw Satori, great avatar. I love Moz! [Image: ani_clapping.gif]

Thanks, he does photograph well, doesn't he?

I thought of this old article from the Couple to Couple League's magazine when I read about your situation:

You know, I looked over your original post again and something jumped out at me that slipped past before -- that NFP knocks out three weeks of the month for marital relations. This isn't true! The average number of abstinence days is about a week to 10 days, depending on the wife's cycle and how strict a version of the rules you use. Stress and some physical problems can also lead to long periods of abstinence, but this is the exception, not the rule.

Perhaps both you and your wife have a poor understanding of NFP and should be trained by a qualified teaching couple. It may be that your wife doesn't understand the method very well and fears getting pregnant. If she felt more confident, maybe she wouldn't refuse so often. I'm thinking if her relationship with you got back on track, there would then be a possibility that she would become more open to children, which is often a result of practicing NFP properly and prayerfully.

Prayers for you.
oh moz, how i do love thee.....

OH right.  Back the topic at hand.  I strongly advise against telling your wife it's a sin to refuse you.  Best case scenario, she sleeps with you and to put it bluntly, it's not very good.  "Fulfilling the marital debt" sounds fun, right?  Not so much.

I have a friend in a similar situation.  I think that you really need to keep visiting this, not as a "I'm a man, I have needs" thing, but rather a "I love you and want to express it in this way" manner.  Encourage her to go to talk to a priest with you.  Become involved in the NFP process.  The fact that you don't know what's going on in her fertility isn't a good thing - you should be involved just as much, seeing as it has a direct bearing on your life together.  Perhaps by expressing an interest, she will feel less like you are not concerned with her fears, and be more relaxed about them.

Hope that helps!

reginacaelorum Wrote:I strongly advise against telling your wife it's a sin to refuse you.

So do I. Not only is it not a sin, that is coercion and suitable for charges of rape.


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