Attending Protestant Weddings
#31
Well, both you ladies have very good points. I never had to deal with a gay family member before.. I definitely couldn't attend any kind of "wedding" nor would I allow the partner to stay at my house. I would, however, attend a family gathering with both of them present, such as a birthday party or Thanksgiving, but nothing to celebrate or "validate" their union.

But wouldn't the same have to apply to heterosexuals living together? I have a son who has lived with the same woman for over ten years. They have a son. They've never asked, but if the situation arose, I'd welcome them into my house. My son, of course, was raised Catholic, but has not practiced for some time. She is not Catholic. If they ever got married by a JP or in a non-Catholic service... I could not NOT attend my son's wedding. There is just no way I could not be there. I, myself, was never married to the father of my children.. and we lived at his parents' house for some time. They accepted us.. married or not. I don't know. My head tells me one thing but my heart tells me another.

- Lisa
Reply
#32
(11-11-2009, 10:21 PM)StrictCatholicGirl Wrote: Well, both you ladies have very good points. I never had to deal with a gay family member before.. I definitely couldn't attend any kind of "wedding" nor would I allow the partner to stay at my house. I would, however, attend a family gathering with both of them present, such as a birthday party or Thanksgiving, but nothing to celebrate or "validate" their union.

But wouldn't the same have to apply to heterosexuals living together? I have a son who has lived with the same woman for over ten years. They have a son. They've never asked, but if the situation arose, I'd welcome them into my house. My son, of course, was raised Catholic, but has not practiced for some time. She is not Catholic. If they ever got married by a JP or in a non-Catholic service... I could not NOT attend my son's wedding. There is just no way I could not be there. I, myself, was never married to the father of my children.. and we lived at his parents' house for some time. They accepted us.. married or not. I don't know. My head tells me one thing but my heart tells me another.

- Lisa
Its sad but true. I wish I could have gone to my bro in laws wedding, in a way. I was really great friends with his "wife" before. She never had any sisters, and we were great friends. Now, its been 2 years and they almost never talk to us. I know I did the right thing, but it still sucks.
My priest said as far as the living together thing (my oldest sister in the same situation) we could visit, but not stay over night, or let them stay in our house, sleeping in the same bed, overnight.
As far as my gay sister, I wouldnt attend anything i knew her "partner" would be. However, the entire family is so against it, I dont think that situation would ever arise.
Reply
#33
I admit I don't feel the same sense of obligation toward a non-immediate family member as I do an immediate member. I remember bowing out of a few cousins' weddings. I wonder how far we take it though? Do we also not attend the shower? Do we refuse to send a gift or even a card? Shouldn't there also be a moral obligation to let them know why we are absent? Or does just being a no-show suffice?

I'm reminded of the time somebody asked me to help him get out of a friend's wedding. The friend had not officially invited him yet, but he knew the invitation was forthcoming. Now, it's a sin to tell a lie.. so I told him to make sure that whatever he told his friend was the truth. So, knowing in advance the wedding date, he went ahead and made other plans for that weekend. Thus when the friend extended the invitation he was able to tell her he had "other plans" which was the truth.

Was my advice off the mark? If our family members/ friends do not know why we refuse to attend their weddings then how is our absence a stand for the faith? It only makes us look like party-poopers, or worse. Funny thing is, my entire family is well aware of where I stand on everything Catholic. I'm the official "family fanatic" and all they get from me are holy cards and spiritual bouquets and reminders to get to confession. They all know I'm praying for them to either return to grace or remain in grace. So if I show up at one of their dysfunctional weddings they know it's because I love them despite their sins, and not for any other reason.

- Lisa
Reply
#34
You can love them despite their sins, but showing up shows a certain amount of acceptance. It shows that you arent %100 against it.  Think of the martyrs. They could have just said one word, and they wouldnt have died. I know its not quite the same extreme, but these little stands are our way of showing, in these modern times, that we dont stand for immorality, no matter who it is.
As for the etiquette, no, you dont attend the shower, you dont send a gift, you dont acknowledge it. If they are very close family members, then they are going to wonder whatsup, and yep, you tell them. Its awkward and no fun, but if they love you, then they can accept you for the way you are, realize its not a personal, because-you-hate-them, thing,and get over it. Why do you have tobe the one to bend your beliefs for them?
Reply
#35
But then see, CC.... the next obvious question is: what about after the wedding?

The wedding ceremony simply launched "officially and formally" their life of sin. When they return from the honeymoon we are still faced with a family member who is not living the Catholic Faith anymore (and probably wasn't long before the wedding). Do we discontinue the relationship altogether? If we didn't buy them a shower gift or a wedding gift or a housewarming gift, why buy them a Christmas gift? Why celebrate their birthdays or invite them over for dinner, and so forth and so on.

If we are to be consistent we shouldn't be associating with them at all. But if I were to sever ties with my family because they were lapsed Catholics then frankly I wouldn't have a family anymore - with the exception of my mother. I'd be disowning my own children the way a Jewish mother does when her children convert to another religion... Or I'd be shunning them the way the Amish do. I don't ever remember Catholics acting like that.

- Lisa
Reply
#36
chiming in to share one of my stories, albeit less intense than a brother or sister.  My cousin, who is more like a little brother to me than a cousin (his mom and brother lived with us occasionally when their lives hit the skids a few times in the 70's), "married" a woman with 3children.  I spoke with his brother and found out she was divorced.  This brother, an evangelical, understood my position being an apostate Catholic himself.  Everyone in the family thought I was being a jerk, they came to my wedding (at Assumption Chapel in St. Mary's, KS I might add) yet I stood my ground.  He's now divorced a mere 2 years later.  She was a gold digger and he had some money from a law suit.  Sorry situation for the guy, but at least I was being consistant with principals I've held for many decades now.  Someday maybe some fruit will bear I hope. 
Reply
#37
(11-12-2009, 01:39 AM)CanadianCatholic Wrote: You can love them despite their sins, but showing up shows a certain amount of acceptance. It shows that you arent %100 against it.  Think of the martyrs. They could have just said one word, and they wouldnt have died. I know its not quite the same extreme, but these little stands are our way of showing, in these modern times, that we dont stand for immorality, no matter who it is.
As for the etiquette, no, you dont attend the shower, you dont send a gift, you dont acknowledge it. If they are very close family members, then they are going to wonder whatsup, and yep, you tell them. Its awkward and no fun, but if they love you, then they can accept you for the way you are, realize its not a personal, because-you-hate-them, thing,and get over it. Why do you have tobe the one to bend your beliefs for them?

What if one of your sisters got pregnant and she wasn't married?  Would you skip the shower?  Not send a gift?  Refuse to visit her in the hospital?  Would your mother do those things to her?
Reply
#38
(11-14-2009, 11:37 AM)ErinIsNice Wrote:
(11-12-2009, 01:39 AM)CanadianCatholic Wrote: You can love them despite their sins, but showing up shows a certain amount of acceptance. It shows that you arent %100 against it.  Think of the martyrs. They could have just said one word, and they wouldnt have died. I know its not quite the same extreme, but these little stands are our way of showing, in these modern times, that we dont stand for immorality, no matter who it is.
As for the etiquette, no, you dont attend the shower, you dont send a gift, you dont acknowledge it. If they are very close family members, then they are going to wonder whatsup, and yep, you tell them. Its awkward and no fun, but if they love you, then they can accept you for the way you are, realize its not a personal, because-you-hate-them, thing,and get over it. Why do you have tobe the one to bend your beliefs for them?

What if one of your sisters got pregnant and she wasn't married?  Would you skip the shower?  Not send a gift?  Refuse to visit her in the hospital?  Would your mother do those things to her?
lol thats happened to me, and 3 other of my sisters. There was no religious ceremony to attend, when it came to the pregnancy.  Its a COMPLETELY different situation.  When we celebrated the babies, we were celebrateing that, THE BABIES. I didnt say "Congratulations on having pre-marital sex!" That was the sin, it was confessed, its all good. The baby is not a sin. So of course its not sinful to celebrate the baby. (My priest himself told me this, as we consulted him before throwing baby showers for me and my sisters)
Having a baby isnt a sacrament, marriage is. So no, if the sacrament is done wrong, I would not attend. My sister has a baby? Completetly different scenario, thats quite a reach Erin.  She committed one sin, and that is between her and God. People commit mortal sins all the time, that one just has some lasting consequences...
Seriously, why am I getting crap for this? Its not my opinion, its just the way it is. Dont like it? Take it up with your priest.
Reply
#39
(11-11-2009, 09:35 PM)CanadianCatholic Wrote: But you can love without accepting. Sometimes you have to make a strong stand for God. If you cant do the very least (not attending an invalid ceremony) then where are the lines? By being there, you are misleading them and others into thinking you , a Catholic, accept it. People are going to assume you do, unless you hold a billboard over your head explaining your views. And thats giving Catholicism a bad name, it looks hypocritical. My little sister is a lesbian, and I love her SO much. But I would and will NEVER allow any "partner" of hers in my house, or near my children. Nor would I EVER attend any kind of "marriage" she would try to enter. Its no different, in the long run, then an invalid marriage. Both are invalid, in the eyes of God. Would you attend a gay wedding, if it was a family member? Its really no different.

CC (and SaintRafael), I may be misunderstanding the teaching of the Church in my previous statement, but what I bolded is exactly my contention with your earlier rebuttal.  Whether it's a wedding of two non-Catholics or and invalid "Catholic" wedding, by your presence (as a Catholic) you give credence to heretics.  See what I mean?  I think VO got my point with his comment about the satanist wedding.
Reply
#40
(11-26-2009, 10:52 PM)Beware_the_Ides Wrote:
(11-11-2009, 09:35 PM)CanadianCatholic Wrote: But you can love without accepting. Sometimes you have to make a strong stand for God. If you cant do the very least (not attending an invalid ceremony) then where are the lines? By being there, you are misleading them and others into thinking you , a Catholic, accept it. People are going to assume you do, unless you hold a billboard over your head explaining your views. And thats giving Catholicism a bad name, it looks hypocritical. My little sister is a lesbian, and I love her SO much. But I would and will NEVER allow any "partner" of hers in my house, or near my children. Nor would I EVER attend any kind of "marriage" she would try to enter. Its no different, in the long run, then an invalid marriage. Both are invalid, in the eyes of God. Would you attend a gay wedding, if it was a family member? Its really no different.

CC (and SaintRafael), I may be misunderstanding the teaching of the Church in my previous statement, but what I bolded is exactly my contention with your earlier rebuttal.  Whether it's a wedding of two non-Catholics or and invalid "Catholic" wedding, by your presence (as a Catholic) you give credence to heretics.  See what I mean?  I think VO got my point with his comment about the satanist wedding.

If its a valid marriage, theres nothing sinful happening, and you arent misleading anyone. They arent doing anything wrong by being ignorant of Gods truth. Unless they are being ignorant of it on purpose, but thats a whole other discussion...
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)