Melancholic Falling
#11
(01-05-2010, 12:59 AM)BrevisVir55 Wrote: I am unnerved by the almost perfect accuracy with which the "Melancholic temperament" section on this site describes me. Even the unattractive aspects of the temperament that I am loath to admit I posses, If I am honest with myself I do in at least some small measure. The thing I am struggling with constantly is summed up to the letter in this excerpt-
"The melancholic by committing sin falls into the most terrible distress of mind, because in the depth of his heart he is, more than those of other temperaments, filled with a longing desire for God, with a keen perception of the malice and consequences of sin. The consciousness of being separated from God by mortal sin has a crushing effect upon him. If he falls into grievous sin, it is hard for him to rise again, because confession, in which he is bound to humiliate himself deeply, is so hard for him. He is also in great danger of falling back into sin; because by his continual brooding over the sins committed he causes new temptations to arise. When tempted he indulges in sentimental moods, thus increasing the danger and the strength of temptations. To remain in a state of sin or even occasionally to relapse into sin may cause him a profound and lasting sadness, and rob him gradually of confidence in God and in himself. He says to himself: "I have not the strength to rise again and God does not help me either by His grace, for He does not love me but wants to damn me." This fatal condition can easily assume the proportion of despair."

I am there now. I mean, this is EXACTLY how I feel. I could have written this paragraph! I am in paradise when I can go to confession and be free but then it is only a matter of time before I fall and I go into this mode. I prayed for hours and hours every day after going to confession this past week and I still committed a mortal sin. I do not want to offend God but I do and I cannot confess this sin right away because the SSPX priest will not come back for two weeks. So for two weeks I will be in agony and feel cut off from God. I have noticed more than a few fellow Melancholics here and I was hoping that some of you feel this way and have found a way to get up after you fall because I cannot.

pax

Brevis Vir

Man, I know EXACTLY how you feel!  That paragraph could just as easily describe me.  Mine has probably gotten a little bit further, I'm not at the point of turning my anger at myself for doing wrong anymore, but have kind of given up on myself and directed my anger and hatred at God for allowing me to be in my situation.  The quote about the self training scares me a little bit.  I have a low pain threshold and so no love whatsoever for suffering; I absolutely despise it.  In my current situation, I can definitely see myself as refusing to carry my cross.  It is definitely something I have no will to voluntarily and joyfully carry at this time, so if my salvation is dependant upon doing that, I'm screwed!  And then the 6th point really describes me, I very much want to have my own way, and in my present situation, I want happiness on my terms, and in not finding that happiness, I become angry and hateful of God.  My cross right now lies in abandoning hope in that hapiness, they way I want it, and giving up hope in that hapiness is precisely what I can't voluntarily and joyfully do.  Ugh!
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#12
Brevis and Melkite,

I encourage you to read the link I posted.  It is beautifully written by Archbishop Sergius of Prague (1881-1952).  Beyond that I will say to you both that you need to take the advice of the Desert Fathers and monitor your thoughts!  You both have got to get a handle on your thoughts.  I guarantee you it is your thoughts that are making you miserable. Fulton Sheen often gave this advice, to paraphrase:  If you are depressed/miserable, then go out and help someone else. 

It may sound harsh of me but both of you need to stop thinking about YOU so much.  Begin your day with gratitude.  It is impossible to be depressed and grateful at the same time.  You cannot hold those 2 contradictory thoughts in your head simultaneously.  You both are so young.  Don't spend another day dragging your soul around.  I say all of this having "been there."  If you continue on this path you will drive yourself crazy.  I did.  There is nothing "holy" about being crazy.  It's just crazy. 

Begin by saying the Jesus Prayer every morning or when these thoughts come into your head:  "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."  Mercy in the sense of the Greek meaning...eleison which has the same root as oil (eleos) more specifically olive oil which was used as a soothing agent for wounds in ancient times.  Therefore when you pray this prayer you are in essence saying "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, pour healing oil on my soul." 

I will keep both of you in my prayers and I mean that sincerely having been where you are.  :pray2:

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#13
(01-05-2010, 03:49 AM)Iolanthe Wrote: I also recommend a book called Light and Peace...I think it's by St. Francis de Sales.

Thank you, I will check it out.

(01-05-2010, 08:53 AM)quoprimumV Wrote: If you say a good act of contrition then you are forgiven and still have to go to the sacrament of confession before your next communion. 
I strongly suggest two books and TAN has both - One is Light and Peace and it has many quotes from Saint Francis de Sales in it.  Has some beautiful, conforting thoughts.  The other book is Growth in Holiness by Father Frederick Faber.  WOW is all I can say - there is even a chapter about discouragement and "what keeps us back."  I strongly suggest both. 

If you exhaust those two - go to Self Abandonment to Divine Providence by Caussade (also TAN) .  He was a spriritual director/confessor for many souls, especially nuns, and some of the letters in the second half of the book will feel like they are being written to you personnaly.

Best wishes and perservere!

Thanks, I have been meaning to read some of those.

(01-05-2010, 11:42 AM)glgas Wrote: I would exercise the Christian humility and go to confession to an available priests.

I have done this in the past but the only priest I could go to doesn't think the sin I need to confess is even a sin so I am out of luck with that I'm afraid.

(01-05-2010, 12:31 PM)salome Wrote: Brevis and Melkite,

I encourage you to read the link I posted.  It is beautifully written by Archbishop Sergius of Prague (1881-1952).  Beyond that I will say to you both that you need to take the advice of the Desert Fathers and monitor your thoughts!  You both have got to get a handle on your thoughts.  I guarantee you it is your thoughts that are making you miserable. Fulton Sheen often gave this advice, to paraphrase:  If you are depressed/miserable, then go out and help someone else. 

It may sound harsh of me but both of you need to stop thinking about YOU so much.  Begin your day with gratitude.  It is impossible to be depressed and grateful at the same time.  You cannot hold those 2 contradictory thoughts in your head simultaneously.   You both are so young.  Don't spend another day dragging your soul around.  I say all of this having "been there."  If you continue on this path you will drive yourself crazy.  I did.  There is nothing "holy" about being crazy.  It's just crazy. 

Begin by saying the Jesus Prayer every morning or when these thoughts come into your head:  "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."  Mercy in the sense of the Greek meaning...eleison which has the same root as oil (eleos) more specifically olive oil which was used as a soothing agent for wounds in ancient times.  Therefore when you pray this prayer you are in essence saying "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, pour healing oil on my soul." 

I will keep both of you in my prayers and I mean that sincerely having been where you are.   :pray2:

Thank you for the link, good reading that. I agree with gratitude and depression thing. I have been thinking about that actually. I say the Jesus Prayer often during the day- it does help.
Thank you for your prayers!  :)


pax
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