How to convert her??
#28
A few points:
  • [o] Dating is about marriage, so be clear to yourself. If you planning on dating someone for more than two years before thinking about marriage, you're probably doing it for the wrong reasons and you may be committing serious sins. Traditional guidelines were that one should not "court" for more than 12-18 months (usually it was shorter), and an engagement should not be longer than 9 months without a just reason, since such a relationship is a necessary occasion of mortal sin, and delay does not help keep vigilance against sins, but invites more temptation to sin. In the modern world, especially with non-traditionalists or those who are going to convert, I could see possibly going 24-30 months for a maximum length. The whole idea, though, is to keep you on track to marriage, not comfortable at the "significant other" stage.
    [o] Don't put off serious conversations until later. The result will be much more emotional trauma for everyone involved if the big points aren't agreed upon early along.
    [o] Don't approach serious conversations like a lecture, where she's the student and you the teacher. Bring the subject up casually without trying to "prep" her for some big serious talk. Talk over some coffee or something just as you would any casual conversation. In any marriage (and that's what you're looking toward), the serious conversations have to happen. It's best when you're open and don't have to prepare for battle beforehand.
    [o] Be clear about your limits. You attend the traditional Mass exclusively. You aren't going to go to the Novus Ordo outside of a wedding or a funeral and even then maybe not. She's going to have to be willing, if married to do the same. You don't have to drop it on her like you're ordering her around, but you have to make clear that this is what you'd want things to be like. Approaching it in a humorous fashion often works best, but she needs to know where you're limits are and what you expect. If she knows this, she's much more willing to bend to your desires than if you try to order her around.
    [o] If you want her to become a traditionalist, expose her to some good, easy-going, traditionalists -- especially some good families and young couples. Make sure they're reasonably "normal" people, not wackos that are going to be talking about "The Third Secret" and the "False Pope Paul" at dinner.
    [o] Don't give her documents or books to read unless she asks for them. Talk to her. Answer her questions and make sure to let her talk, too. Make her ask you to explain if she's confused, and then interact, don't lecture. You'll learn more from it anyway.
    [o] When talking to her, don't be afraid to admit you don't know and you'll look it up or ask for her. You might even consider when you do know an answer, but she asks a good question saying, "You know, that's a really good question. I'm going to have to look that one up!" to encourage her as well. Last thing you want to do is come off looking like a know-it-all and pushy.
    [o] On the issue of contraception. I dated a reasonably moral girl whose doctor had her on the pill for "reproductive issues" and not for contraceptive purposes. Eventually asking in more detail, when the whole issue of contraception arose, I asked what kind of issues we were talking about (since ultimately those would affect me if we were to marry). She told me that she had just had some very painful menstrual periods so the doctor told her to stop them by using the pill. Aside from a one or two really bad days each month, she was perfectly fine without the pill. While we never ended up marrying, I've heard lots of similar stories, and it seems that many doctors overprescribe hormonal contraceptives so women can avoid difficult periods. In my opinion, given the side-effects, even if a woman is chaste and continent, the benefits don't outweigh the risks of this. You might bring up that you've heard that doctors over-prescribe the pill and mention the Catholic teaching, so again, she's clear where you stand. Again, no lecturing, causal questions that don't go to far are far more effective. When I dealt with the issue, I approached it with a joke or two at first and then gently asked a few questions and let her talk.
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Messages In This Thread
How to convert her?? - by crusaderfortruth3372 - 04-20-2010, 04:36 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-20-2010, 04:38 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-20-2010, 04:48 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by The_Harlequin_King - 04-20-2010, 04:53 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-20-2010, 04:58 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by cgraye - 04-20-2010, 05:10 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by cgraye - 04-20-2010, 05:22 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Walty - 04-20-2010, 05:27 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-20-2010, 05:36 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-20-2010, 05:37 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by JayneK - 04-20-2010, 05:45 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-20-2010, 06:02 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-20-2010, 06:39 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-20-2010, 06:58 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-20-2010, 07:09 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-20-2010, 07:16 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-20-2010, 07:42 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Mhoram - 04-20-2010, 07:50 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by TraceG - 04-20-2010, 07:55 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-20-2010, 08:00 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-20-2010, 08:11 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by MagisterMusicae - 04-20-2010, 08:35 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-20-2010, 08:42 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by JayneK - 04-20-2010, 08:49 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by MagisterMusicae - 04-20-2010, 09:44 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by MagisterMusicae - 04-21-2010, 02:50 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-21-2010, 06:04 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Mhoram - 04-21-2010, 10:31 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-21-2010, 10:41 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-21-2010, 10:44 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by CollegeCatholic - 04-21-2010, 11:17 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by The_Harlequin_King - 04-21-2010, 12:48 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by amasimp - 04-21-2010, 01:21 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-21-2010, 01:35 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by amasimp - 04-21-2010, 01:42 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by CollegeCatholic - 04-21-2010, 02:39 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-21-2010, 03:25 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-21-2010, 05:48 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Dust - 04-21-2010, 10:26 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Baskerville - 04-21-2010, 10:32 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Baskerville - 04-21-2010, 10:36 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-22-2010, 11:48 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-22-2010, 11:49 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 12:00 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-22-2010, 12:35 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-22-2010, 12:44 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Mhoram - 04-22-2010, 02:18 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 02:47 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-22-2010, 03:03 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-22-2010, 03:04 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 03:21 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-22-2010, 04:04 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 04:08 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-22-2010, 04:10 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Bonifacius - 04-22-2010, 04:23 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-22-2010, 05:12 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by amasimp - 04-22-2010, 05:18 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-22-2010, 05:31 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 05:45 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Iolanthe - 04-22-2010, 05:54 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Satori - 04-22-2010, 05:59 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by The_Harlequin_King - 04-22-2010, 06:00 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-22-2010, 06:38 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-22-2010, 08:09 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-23-2010, 08:03 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by HotRod - 04-23-2010, 09:12 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by ggreg - 04-23-2010, 11:43 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-23-2010, 11:59 AM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Augstine Baker - 04-23-2010, 12:15 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-23-2010, 12:42 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Augstine Baker - 04-23-2010, 02:17 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by James02 - 04-23-2010, 03:06 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Vetus Ordo - 04-23-2010, 03:09 PM
Re: How to convert her?? - by Historian - 04-23-2010, 03:09 PM