Communication with Slightly Autistic People
#41
(07-05-2010, 03:57 PM)Herr_Mannelig Wrote:
(07-05-2010, 01:27 PM)OCLittleFlower Wrote: You're over-generalizing on both counts.
Yes, I do that a lot (in purpose) in discussions like this.

Why do I do it? Because that is how SAPs see it. Neurotypical communication is very complicated, and generalisations fail most of the time. Now, explain to me how to use this knowledge (that people should add filler words to soften the blow...really, that is the sort of advice that makes SAPs say "I don't care anymore, you'll get used to it or leave me alone.".) in everyday situations with a higher degree of certainty of successful communication.

With a lot of effort, time and experience, a SAP may be able to understand the use of such things, but still, it will take a lot of effort and thought to use and will likely not be worth it. General principles which can be followed by habit without much thought are what are useful (this is the focus of the sort of advice for my book).


Quote:  Oh course,  if a man's pants are on fire, you shout and or throw water on him.
But you didn't say that ;)

Quote:  In general discourse, however, especially online where it isn't possible to see a person's expression or hear their tone of voice, it is much better to soften the blow.  Otherwise, a poster could be seen as rude.
On the contrary, if a person with AS actually followed this advice, he'd have no idea to what extent or exactly how to do this filler. The posts would be worse.

Quote:As for the men vs women re advice thing...maybe I'm an atypical woman, but if I go to someone with a problem, I'd like a solution, and most of my female friends are like this.
I read this many times on Neurotypical advice articles.

It's difficult, I think, to see things from "the other side."  I can't really imagine what it's like to be an SAP, and you don't know what it's like to not be.  So it gets confusing for all involved.  I was just trying to explain what it is that tends to confuse/offend others when someone with AS or mild autism posts in a way that seems very blunt and unfeeling to the average poster.  I don't propose to know how to help SAPs post in a way that others would understand more clearly.  I don't propose to know how to help you communicate with people who are not on the autistic spectrum...I can only say what I see/read from the prospective of someone who isn't on the spectrum.  But then, I'm only one person, and I'm no expert.  I don't know what techniques work for those with AS to understand us and to communcicate in a way that we would understand.
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#42
(07-07-2010, 03:26 PM)OCLittleFlower Wrote: It's difficult, I think, to see things from "the other side."  I can't really imagine what it's like to be an SAP, and you don't know what it's like to not be.
I am currently in many situations where people do not realise I am.

It is a simple issue, that I described.

When one is taught with such simple rules or generalisations, it results in very stiff and awkward socialisation (which was described earlier by someone saying a person seemed to be taught how to talk).

I believe that for a SAP to be good around other people, we must be given the freedom to be ourselves and work towards getting along with others. Learning how others think and some general rules is a very good idea, but the driving force behind the interaction should be the individual. This means that one makes mistakes and there are times failures are common, but it also means that one who is experienced truly has useful skills, instead of just following the script better.

Quote:  So it gets confusing for all involved.  I was just trying to explain what it is that tends to confuse/offend others when someone with AS or mild autism posts in a way that seems very blunt and unfeeling to the average poster. 
I know how it appears to others, but it is like being able to understand a written language, but being very bad at speaking it (reading this Latin prayer? Sure. Explain how computers work in Latin? Um....). Such knowledge is actually very difficult to use in practice except when understanding others. Attempts to use it usually result in things being worse (instead of the point being made, with possible following explanations, the point isn't made and everyone is confused).

Quote: I don't propose to know how to help SAPs post in a way that others would understand more clearly.  I don't propose to know how to help you communicate with people who are not on the autistic spectrum...I can only say what I see/read from the prospective of someone who isn't on the spectrum.  But then, I'm only one person, and I'm no expert.  I don't know what techniques work for those with AS to understand us and to communcicate in a way that we would understand.

Maybe you could buy my book when it is published :)

And you make a good point. You are one person. But then again, so is everyone else.

My book states the problems with having a single person with AS writing a book for many people. One only gets my perspective and experiences. But, all the other books have the same problem (even if they have multiple authors, the individual texts have the flaw). So one person, one book or one idea cannot be the only one to follow. I normally wouldn't consider my experiences or thoughts on AS to be significant, except people have told me they were and I've read the books out there and found them lacking. None try to address the actual problem. Reducing stress and improving communication.
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#43
(07-05-2010, 04:40 PM)libby Wrote: oh, I know that one has nothing to do with the other.... but, like you said, occasionally they go hand in hand.

I was just trying to find similarities.... it was the only one that i could think of...

:shrug:

A lot of the ADHD-like traits people observe in people with ASDs are often anxiety related, not attention related.
Pacing, rocking, fleeting eye-contact, walking away in the middle of a conversation etc....don't indicate an inability to pay attention but are often symptoms of anxiety or anxiety coping mechanisms.
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#44
One of my neighbors has a 6-year-old son that I would say is autistic. I wouldn't say he is slightly as you really can't carry a conversation on with him. But he does listen and if you talk about something that he likes like Dora the Explorer, then you can carry on a slight conversation with him. He's a great kid and an excellent artist. He loves to draw and is really good at it. You do have to keep an eye on him because he loves to disappear or walk off.
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