I'm feeling vulnerable and in need of advice, please.
#1
In the middle of October, I ran into an Internet predator. I didn't even realize he was an Internet predator until I evaluated the situation I'm about to explain to all of you.

We really got along fine aside from his constant probing at me in an effort for me to taint my purity. I always said no. This night, I was on webcam with him because I wanted to show him something, and he began to probe at me again. I kept saying "No", "Please, no", "I'm not ready", "Please, don't." He would back off for a while but then resume the coaxing later.

Well, as it became later and later, my defenses began to dwindle down. He'd pressure me into one thing and then another until I had done nearly everything he wanted me to do. That night, I felt so physically ill I couldn't sleep for quite some time. I paced my bedroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and scarcely recognized myself. No matter how much I wrapped up in clothing and blankets, I still felt cold and exposed. I took a look at the crucifix that hangs on my wall and broke down sobbing, beating my breast and offering up several Kyries.

When I went to Confession, the priest said that I was abused and firmly told me I should not be around him anymore. When I went to tell this guy I didn't want to speak to him again, he said, "I'm sorry. I want you to know that this is my fault. Completely. But I only coaxed you down a path I thought you'd enjoy."

Another Fish Eater reassured me that this wasn't my fault because I was coaxed and he wouldn't listen to my constant "no"s. I just keep thinking...I could have left. I could have ran from the situation in any of those cases where I had said no. I'm having difficulty believing that this isn't my fault. My own priest said I was sexually abused, but I'm left feeling very guilty.

If anyone could offer some words of comfort or perhaps some advice on overcoming this, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.
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#2
Coax sounds like such an innocent word, but when you are being coaxed by a persuasive person who has bad intentions it can be anything but. We are all weak, and if a person is able to influence us into doing something sinful then that reduces your culpability. Especially in this case, I should think. You went to confession, you expressed sorrow for committing a sin, even a sin that someone more or less forced you to do. You did the correct thing, now continue to do the correct thing and cut off this guy...we face enough temptation in this world from ourselves, we don't need people coaxing us into situations that we could resist on our own. I have been in a similar position to yourself, except a girl was coaxing me into doing much much more. She was gentle, yes, but that did not change what she was trying to get me to do and I cut her off because of it.
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#3
(11-09-2010, 10:01 AM)Bearded Man Wrote: Coax sounds like such an innocent word, but when you are being coaxed by a persuasive person who has bad intentions it can be anything but. We are all weak, and if a person is able to influence us into doing something sinful then that reduces your culpability. Especially in this case, I should think. You went to confession, you expressed sorrow for committing a sin, even a sin that someone more or less forced you to do. You did the correct thing, now continue to do the correct thing and cut off this guy...we face enough temptation in this world from ourselves, we don't need people coaxing us into situations that we could resist on our own.

I haven't spoken to him since my priest asked me to cut off contact with him. I told him I forgave him for what he did, but I couldn't speak to him anymore.
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#4
(11-09-2010, 10:04 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 10:01 AM)Bearded Man Wrote: Coax sounds like such an innocent word, but when you are being coaxed by a persuasive person who has bad intentions it can be anything but. We are all weak, and if a person is able to influence us into doing something sinful then that reduces your culpability. Especially in this case, I should think. You went to confession, you expressed sorrow for committing a sin, even a sin that someone more or less forced you to do. You did the correct thing, now continue to do the correct thing and cut off this guy...we face enough temptation in this world from ourselves, we don't need people coaxing us into situations that we could resist on our own.

I haven't spoken to him since my priest asked me to cut off contact with him. I told him I forgave him for what he did, but I couldn't speak to him anymore.

Good move.
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#5
This seems to be a matter of human weakness.

We are weak, vulnerable and truly helpless without God.

Quote:Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak: heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. And my soul is troubled exceedingly: but thou, O Lord, how long? Turn to me, O Lord, and deliver my soul: O save me for thy mercy's sake.

You should avoid all such people, even if they are not malicious. We can easily be led astray by the social influence of others unless we are constantly on our guard. I have done many things because of the influence of others that I should not have done (in my case, mainly mild gossip or crude jokes). Now, the guilt of such things is quite low in the beginning, but it increases if we continue to seek it out. Think of this, you feel ill because of this. If you were truly guilty, you would not feel any at all. The grace to feel this way is a powerful reminder of God's love, our choices (to follow God...the feeling would disappear if we hardened our hearts):  http://nonpeccabis.blogspot.com/2010/10/...d-sin.html

Whatever you did, it is forgiven (in confession). Whatever this other person did, there is clearly a hardness of heart involved to pressure anyone to violate natural virtues. Cut off contact. Even if he was honest there, he is clearly blind and unable to be a good influence.

Now, the "fault" is not simple. Adam sinned because of being coaxed also, but he was forgiven. It is not possible to normally absolve ourselves of the responsibility, but once we recognise the extent of our responsibility and seek forgiveness, then we can be at peace. Our wills are weak and easily influenced. Often times, the sin is only in not being vigilant enough in avoiding the incident.
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#6
Sounds like a skilled manipulator. You've already confessed so now you need to forgive yourself and let go. Live and learn though, there are more of them out there.
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#7
Thank you, Rosarium. :)

I essentially confessed impurity and giving in to the situation that caused it. I just seem to carry the blame around now like dead baggage.

I try to remind myself of the woman caught in adultery and how the Lord said he didn't condemn her and to go and sin no more, but I'm just having such a hard time with this. I mean, I'm 19 and prone to this sort of thing, but...it's just really hard. :/
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#8
(11-09-2010, 10:20 AM)kimbaichan Wrote: Sounds like a skilled manipulator. You've already confessed so now you need to forgive yourself and let go. Live and learn though, there are more of them out there.


This
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#9
(11-09-2010, 10:23 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: Thank you, Rosarium. :)

I essentially confessed impurity and giving in to the situation that caused it. I just seem to carry the blame around now like dead baggage.

I try to remind myself of the woman caught in adultery and how the Lord said he didn't condemn her and to go and sin no more, but I'm just having such a hard time with this. I mean, I'm 19 and prone to this sort of thing, but...it's just really hard. :/

Many saints have one big darkness in their past which eventually caused them to choose God and be saints.

Like Adam and Eve, we needed God, but knew nothing else, then we had our comfort stripped away and felt extremely exposed, and then we found shelter in choosing the Light of God. We will not forget the cold, but that just makes us stay closer to the hearth.

I am trying to express an idea here, not get points for poetry.

The only thing worse for you would be if you felt nothing and had knowledge of what was going on and had nothing but your own will to rely on in guiding your decision.
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#10
Don't beat yourself up over it lass! Just always keep your wits! Also be very smart it's an ugly fallen world!
Maintain and keep control and u will be fine
just be very carefully what info u share and post online and really I sugest not posting your pics and such on line
anyhoooo
stay safe!!!
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