I'm feeling vulnerable and in need of advice, please.
#21
(11-09-2010, 11:46 AM)ies0716 Wrote: I think that the first step to overcoming this is to accept your responsibility for what happened.  Certainly you were manipulated, but you also had the option of getting yourself out of what was obviously a near occasion of sin.  Your culpability may have been lessened, but you do bear a certain amount of responsibility.  I'm also not certain if the term "Internet predator" is quite appropriate, especially since the type of thing you experienced seems to be very common in the "dating" scene these days (as frightening as that is).  I've had several male co-workers tell me that women they had just started dating would send them nude photos unsolicited.  The fact that this is so common has skewed perceptions of what is normal and acceptable.  It is possible that the man you met has dated many other young women who engaged in the conduct he was pressuring you into quite willingly and expressed no regrets afterward.  In his mind, he probably thought he was "freeing" you from some Christian "hangup."

All that being said, you just made a mistake.  You are very young, and at 19 it is very common to dive into sexual sin without considering the consequences.  This is especially true if you are being coaxed/coerced by someone older.  I made many mistakes in this area when I was in college (many completely of my own free will, sadly), so I know how you are feeling.  The important thing is that you went to confession; regardless of your level of culpability, you are forgiven.  The horror you still feel over this sin is a good thing, and it should move you to do penance to cleanse any remaining effects of the sin from your soul.  You have also made a very wise decision in cutting off contact with this man.  I would take this as a lesson learned, and use the memory of how you felt afterward to deter you from putting yourself in such a position in the future.

I will keep you in my prayers.  :pray:

Thank you. This was very helpful.

Thank you for your prayers. :)
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#22
(11-09-2010, 11:49 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: I can't throw the webcam away, I'm afraid. It's built into my laptop.

Then get some Tipex correction fluid or nail varnish and paint over it.

The most valuable thing is learn from the lesson.  You really don't want to date or indeed marry perverts.  They make lousy boyfriends and husbands.  A man who treats you with respect now will more likely continue doing that for the rest of your adult life.

Take my word for it, the excitement and the buzz wears off.  What matters is whether the person sticks with you for better or worse.
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#23
(11-09-2010, 11:49 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: @ Quis: Yes, I do realize that what I did wrong was not walking away. I try to comfort myself a bit by reminding myself that I'm only nineteen and I'm hormonally predisposed to these sorts of things.

Well, that is true.  I vaguely remember 19  :laughing:  But the comfort should be in the fact that you're forgiven.  The guilt that remains after confession is part of the temporal punishment, and properly used helps us not to make the same mistake again.  That's the right thing to do with it - next time we're tempted think about how crappy we felt and realize it isn't worth it.  But, for sure, do not beat yourself up and know that God has completely forgiven you.

Quote:I can't throw the webcam away, I'm afraid. It's built into my laptop.

What ggreg said.  Or if you can't permanently paint it over, put a piece of tape over it.  At least that is one more hurdle that you will have to pass if you feel tempted.
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#24
(11-09-2010, 11:49 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: @ Quis: Yes, I do realize that what I did wrong was not walking away. I try to comfort myself a bit by reminding myself that I'm only nineteen and I'm hormonally predisposed to these sorts of things.

I can't throw the webcam away, I'm afraid. It's built into my laptop.

Software exists that can disable the webcam on laptops.  Many corporations use it when the laptops they issue to their employees have webams built-in.  You could also simply install any type of monitoring/blocking software, set it to block any webcam applications or sites, and have someone else set the password (so you don't know it).
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#25
(11-09-2010, 12:02 PM)ggreg Wrote: Then get some Tipex correction fluid or nail varnish and paint over it.

American translation: liquid paper or nail polish.   ;D
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#26
(11-09-2010, 12:07 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 11:49 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: @ Quis: Yes, I do realize that what I did wrong was not walking away. I try to comfort myself a bit by reminding myself that I'm only nineteen and I'm hormonally predisposed to these sorts of things.

Well, that is true.  I vaguely remember 19   :laughing:  But the comfort should be in the fact that you're forgiven.  The guilt that remains after confession is part of the temporal punishment, and properly used helps us not to make the same mistake again.  That's the right thing to do with it - next time we're tempted think about how crappy we felt and realize it isn't worth it.  But, for sure, do not beat yourself up and know that God has completely forgiven you.

Thank you. Like I've said previously, I'm a new Catholic, baptized and confirmed this Easter, and I suppose a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to the Faith: I want so much not to offend God in any way that this just really hurt. But like I've also said, it has helped me in some ways. It's helped me to realize how weak I am ("The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" comes to mind) and how much I need to rely on God, which will help me to grow in my faith. It's given me a great distaste for sins of the flesh, keeping future temptations at bay. It's also reminded me that I am going to make mistakes and when I do, God is there to help me.
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#27
These Bible verses have reminded me that Jesus not only forgives our sins, but also forgets them.

Hebrews 8:11-12

And they shall not teach every man his neighbour and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me from the least to the greatest of them: Because I will be merciful to their iniquities, and their sins I will remember no more. (emphasis mine)

Psalm 102:12

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our iniquities from us.

Isaiah 43:25

I am, I am he that blot out thy iniquities for my own sake, and I will not remember thy sins.

I guess I should remind myself that I am the only one dwelling on this, as Jesus has moved on and no longer remembers (:o)!
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#28
(11-09-2010, 12:07 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(11-09-2010, 11:49 AM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: @ Quis: Yes, I do realize that what I did wrong was not walking away. I try to comfort myself a bit by reminding myself that I'm only nineteen and I'm hormonally predisposed to these sorts of things.

Well, that is true.  I vaguely remember 19   :laughing:  But the comfort should be in the fact that you're forgiven.  The guilt that remains after confession is part of the temporal punishment, and properly used helps us not to make the same mistake again.  That's the right thing to do with it - next time we're tempted think about how crappy we felt and realize it isn't worth it.  But, for sure, do not beat yourself up and know that God has completely forgiven you.

Quote:I can't throw the webcam away, I'm afraid. It's built into my laptop.

What ggreg said.  Or if you can't permanently paint it over, put a piece of tape over it.  At least that is one more hurdle that you will have to pass if you feel tempted.

Get one of those pricing stickers they put on items you buy in stores.  They never come off properly.  I guess it is because they don't want you swapping the prices with other items.
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#29
(11-09-2010, 12:35 PM)ggreg Wrote: Get one of those pricing stickers they put on items you buy in stores.  They never come off properly.
:laughing:
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#30
(11-09-2010, 12:31 PM)Pax et Bonum Wrote: I guess I should remind myself that I am the only one dwelling on this, as Jesus has moved on and no longer remembers (:o)!

Exactly.  Lutherans have the dung heap covered in snow theory (i.e., God throws a tarp over them and pretends they don't exist), but for Catholics, our sins are truly blotted out and we return to a state of Sanctifying Grace.  We have the intention to sin no more and try hard to live up to that and life goes on and we fight the good fight.

Just shove it in the back of your brain for reference, and if you ever feel tempted again remember how crappy you felt and realize it isn't worth it.  And do that with any sins that you run into.  Confession is our life raft when we fall out of the boat.  It's our Second Chance, and the leftover guilt after being forgiven helps us to make good use of it.  If the guilt is paralyzing or somehow stops us from doing other things, it's inordinate and scrupulous.  The guilt should be painful, but not make us curl up into balls.

So, you know, just say an Ave and keep going.  I'll say one for you, too. :pray:
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