I'm feeling vulnerable and in need of advice, please.
#1
In the middle of October, I ran into an Internet predator. I didn't even realize he was an Internet predator until I evaluated the situation I'm about to explain to all of you.

We really got along fine aside from his constant probing at me in an effort for me to taint my purity. I always said no. This night, I was on webcam with him because I wanted to show him something, and he began to probe at me again. I kept saying "No", "Please, no", "I'm not ready", "Please, don't." He would back off for a while but then resume the coaxing later.

Well, as it became later and later, my defenses began to dwindle down. He'd pressure me into one thing and then another until I had done nearly everything he wanted me to do. That night, I felt so physically ill I couldn't sleep for quite some time. I paced my bedroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and scarcely recognized myself. No matter how much I wrapped up in clothing and blankets, I still felt cold and exposed. I took a look at the crucifix that hangs on my wall and broke down sobbing, beating my breast and offering up several Kyries.

When I went to Confession, the priest said that I was abused and firmly told me I should not be around him anymore. When I went to tell this guy I didn't want to speak to him again, he said, "I'm sorry. I want you to know that this is my fault. Completely. But I only coaxed you down a path I thought you'd enjoy."

Another Fish Eater reassured me that this wasn't my fault because I was coaxed and he wouldn't listen to my constant "no"s. I just keep thinking...I could have left. I could have ran from the situation in any of those cases where I had said no. I'm having difficulty believing that this isn't my fault. My own priest said I was sexually abused, but I'm left feeling very guilty.

If anyone could offer some words of comfort or perhaps some advice on overcoming this, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.
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I'm feeling vulnerable and in need of advice, please. - by Historian - 11-09-2010, 09:42 AM



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