Had to throw my 19 year old out of the house on New Years eve.
#11
(01-02-2011, 12:47 PM)CanadianCatholic Wrote: :pray2: my kids are still babies, so I haven't had to deal with all this stuff quite yet. But from personal experience, and what I have sEen with my 12 brothers and sisters, I think this attitude is normal. He's frustrated and angry about something, it's probably not his parents. If anything, take his lashing out at you as a good thing, it means he knows you love him unconditionally, cause he knows that your not gonna turn your back on him forever. Giving him the boot fir a while is a good thing, tough love will man him up. Probably he just needs a good confession and lotsa prayers :)
thank you, good council. GBU
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#12
The kid's 19.  19 year olds are stupid.  They are highly emotional and don't think things through.  I wouldn't worry too much.  Just show that you love him but aren't going to put up with any unacceptable behavior.  It sounds to me like you've done the right thing so far.

:pray:
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#13
(01-02-2011, 09:27 AM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: Please Pray for my Son Joshua.
We had a controversy about someone stealing something.
When my son was interrogated (whos had a solid reputation in our home of doing this particular thing) by his mother he told her "to Bugger off" in a loud forcefull and aggressive way.
That was it for me...when I got home I told him to leave for a week to reassess his actions. Well then a text barrage began.

It sounds like he was accused of stealing something he didn't steal. This can be extremely hurtful, especially for a young person who looks to their parents for love and support and gets condemnation instead. I'm not surprised he blew up. Kicking him out of the house probably will only make it worse. I think parents often don't realize how incredibly damaging their actions are; they tend not to think of their kids (especially teenagers, for some reason) as human beings. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, because it's clear that you're suffering, but if you are in the habit of accusing your children of stealing and then kicking them out of the house (where is a nineteen year old supposed to go?) it sounds like he might have quite a bit to be upset about. Frankly, it sounds abusive.

:pray2: for all involved.
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#14
(01-02-2011, 03:33 PM)Iolanthe Wrote:
(01-02-2011, 09:27 AM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote: Please Pray for my Son Joshua.
We had a controversy about someone stealing something.
When my son was interrogated (whos had a solid reputation in our home of doing this particular thing) by his mother he told her "to Bugger off" in a loud forcefull and aggressive way.
That was it for me...when I got home I told him to leave for a week to reassess his actions. Well then a text barrage began.

It sounds like he was accused of stealing something he didn't steal. This can be extremely hurtful, especially for a young person who looks to their parents for love and support and gets condemnation instead. I'm not surprised he blew up. Kicking him out of the house probably will only make it worse. I think parents often don't realize how incredibly damaging their actions are; they tend not to think of their kids (especially teenagers, for some reason) as human beings. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, because it's clear that you're suffering, but if you are in the habit of accusing your children of stealing and then kicking them out of the house (where is a nineteen year old supposed to go?) it sounds like he might have quite a bit to be upset about. Frankly, it sounds abusive.

:pray2: for all involved.
I didnt accuse him of stealing I asked him if he stole something...something he has been caught doing before, and caught lieing about it. So this time he didnt actually do it--- the point is one who has spoiled his own trustworthness in the past must understand this to be the result, ----also it wasnt about the stealing but telling his mother to bugger off. And this is the end of a long string of other incidents and events that I didnt feel was necessary to detail. This wasnt by any means a once out of the blue incident with him. Please be careful about throwing around accusations of parental abuse as that can cause terrible unjust misunderstandings to occur. I would never harm my children, I would sooner have my eyes put out. That comment is most unwelcome in the oratory
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#15
(01-02-2011, 03:12 PM)cgraye Wrote: The kid's 19.  19 year olds are stupid.  They are highly emotional and don't think things through.  I wouldn't worry too much.  Just show that you love him but aren't going to put up with any unacceptable behavior.  It sounds to me like you've done the right thing so far.

:pray:
almost word for word what my Priest told us this morning
Thank you.
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#16
:pray:
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#17
:pray2:
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#18
(01-02-2011, 04:01 PM)voxpopulisuxx Wrote:
(01-02-2011, 03:12 PM)cgraye Wrote: The kid's 19.  19 year olds are stupid.  They are highly emotional and don't think things through.  I wouldn't worry too much.  Just show that you love him but aren't going to put up with any unacceptable behavior.  It sounds to me like you've done the right thing so far.

:pray:
almost word for word what my Priest told us this morning
Thank you.

19 year olds are not stupid. They might be vulnerable and emotional, but kicking them out of the house is not a solution, particularly over something as small as mouthing off.

But you've made it clear that you don't want advice, so I'll butt out.
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#19
19 year olds don't have a right to live at home.  They are adults, not children.  They can figure out how to earn a living and shelter themselves.  If they joined the military and told an officer to bugger off, they'd be in for a real treat.

Dad's house, dad's rules.  After 18 if you don't like the rules, leave, because there is nothing keeping you.  My sister moved out at 18 and didn't live back at home except for summers during college because she didn't like the rules (of which, there were almost none in actuality).  I lived at home until I was 25.  My dad lived at home until he got married at 47 (smart man, my dad).

That said, a 19 year old who won't follow simple rules of behavior in return for room and board (even at a discounted rate because I paid my parents something after I was 18) is not "smart".  If voxp let me live in his basement and fed me for a few hundred a month and his rules were not to steal and tell his wife to bugger off, I'd move in tomorrow.
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#20
:pray2:
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