My husband, Jesus and original sin
#61
(01-12-2011, 09:15 PM)Iolanthe Wrote: Okay. So what should be done about it?

[i]...that's what I would like to know.

She's fighting for her soul, and he just wants to look good in front of his buddy. So, she has to be the adult in this and stand alone.

the man that should be listening to her and supporting her and leading her is picking off her sanity bit by bit with an idiot leading HIM and guffawing at every hit.

Everyone has a cross... if you're married, you're married. But call a spade a spade. Her husband is a cowardly low-life abusing little *****. He has already abandoned his wife just to make himself look good to the kook he's hanging around with. Well, perhaps I shouldn't say abandoned, exactly.More like keeps her just within reach, so that he can taunt his wife whenever his buddy needs to feel like a man.



 
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#62
(01-12-2011, 09:38 PM)Iolanthe Wrote:
(01-04-2011, 05:33 PM)traditionalmom Wrote: PS my husband has brow beaten me so many times I (sadly to my shame) have cowed down to him and "agreed" just so he'll treat me like a person again not some feminist rebel heretic under his roof. He can be quite brutal verbally if I dare disagree with him and take the "Pope's side"....

This is abuse. A normal person does not start acting this way because he became friends with a "freak." This is much more than acting like an "idiot."

iolanthe, it's only abuse if it leaves a mark.

::)
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#63
it just occurred to me that some people aren't going to recognize sarcasm....

yes, the op is in an abusive situation -

And, yes, it would really be easier for everyone concerned if he hauled off and hit her once, because that's all it takes for society to point a finger in the right direction.

One picture of one bruise, and that will be proof enough that she lives with a brute.

The problem is that most abusers are too smart for that and know that they can't get the satisfaction of systematically destroying someone bit by bit if they do it all at once.

Take your time and involve a friend and it's better than porn.

It would be great if she can get her husband out from under this guy's spell.

But even if she can't, God comes first.
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#64
(01-12-2011, 09:38 PM)Iolanthe Wrote:
(01-04-2011, 05:33 PM)traditionalmom Wrote: PS my husband has brow beaten me so many times I (sadly to my shame) have cowed down to him and "agreed" just so he'll treat me like a person again not some feminist rebel heretic under his roof. He can be quite brutal verbally if I dare disagree with him and take the "Pope's side"....

This is abuse. A normal person does not start acting this way because he became friends with a "freak." This is much more than acting like an "idiot."

Actually, if you read through her posts, she said he didn't act this way until after he hooked up with this idiot.  I also don't think anyone denied there was abuse.  I didn't.

Quote:My point does stand. I know what condone means and I'm good with words and I don't play that game.

Well, apparently you are not good with words if you think people are condoning abuse even with the dictionary definition of the word before you.

No one is condoning abuse, they just don't agree necessarily with your solution to the abuse:  divorce.  Maybe someone thinks her father should go over there and beat his ass.  I would vote for that.

Really, to me it sounds like if this guy would just STFU their marriage would be tolerable.
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#65
(01-12-2011, 11:10 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(01-12-2011, 09:38 PM)Iolanthe Wrote: My point does stand. I know what condone means and I'm good with words and I don't play that game.

Well, apparently you are not good with words if you think people are condoning abuse even with the dictionary definition of the word before you.

Knowing the meaning of a word is lot more than knowing the definition. You have to be able to use it in a sentence and understand what it means used in context, which you obviously don't. I used it correctly.

This is why I hate arguing with philosophers. You take one abstract definition of whatever you feel like, and if everything else doesn't line up with it, you think the you won the argument. It's like trying to make a cake with computer code.

I said condone and I meant condone, and I explained why. If you still don't understand it I don't know what else to say. I am in a master's program for writing, for what it's worth, and I'm a writer, so please don't blame the fact that you want the word "condone" to have only one use on the fact that I'm not good with words.

Quote:No one is condoning abuse, they just don't agree necessarily with your solution to the abuse:  divorce.  Maybe someone thinks her father should go over there and beat his ass.  I would vote for that.

That's the correct Catholic solution and mine isn't? Assault is okay and getting the actual legal authorities is some heinous sin? Whatever.

Anyway, her father is also a prot, so he's probably every bit as much of a jerk as the husband.
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#66
(01-12-2011, 09:58 PM)libby Wrote: it just occurred to me that some people aren't going to recognize sarcasm....

yes, the op is in an abusive situation -

And, yes, it would really be easier for everyone concerned if he hauled off and hit her once, because that's all it takes for society to point a finger in the right direction.

One picture of one bruise, and that will be proof enough that she lives with a brute.

The problem is that most abusers are too smart for that and know that they can't get the satisfaction of systematically destroying someone bit by bit if they do it all at once.

Take your time and involve a friend and it's better than porn.

It would be great if she can get her husband out from under this guy's spell.

But even if she can't, God comes first.

This.
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#67
(01-13-2011, 06:21 AM)Iolanthe Wrote:
(01-12-2011, 11:10 PM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(01-12-2011, 09:38 PM)Iolanthe Wrote: My point does stand. I know what condone means and I'm good with words and I don't play that game.

Well, apparently you are not good with words if you think people are condoning abuse even with the dictionary definition of the word before you.

Knowing the meaning of a word is lot more than knowing the definition. You have to be able to use it in a sentence and understand what it means used in context, which you obviously don't. I used it correctly.

This is why I hate arguing with philosophers. You take one abstract definition of whatever you feel like, and if everything else doesn't line up with it, you think the you won the argument. It's like trying to make a cake with computer code.

I said condone and I meant condone, and I explained why. If you still don't understand it I don't know what else to say. I am in a master's program for writing, for what it's worth, and I'm a writer, so please don't blame the fact that you want the word "condone" to have only one use on the fact that I'm not good with words.

Quote:No one is condoning abuse, they just don't agree necessarily with your solution to the abuse:  divorce.  Maybe someone thinks her father should go over there and beat his ass.  I would vote for that.

That's the correct Catholic solution and mine isn't? Assault is okay and getting the actual legal authorities is some heinous sin? Whatever.

Anyway, her father is also a prot, so he's probably every bit as much of a jerk as the husband.

I'm not trying to win an argument.  I'm defending myself and others who don't think divorce is the way to go against your charge of condoning abuse.  I'm not condoning abuse, and I resent you saying that I am.  The fact that you keep defending it makes it a willful calumny.

I know I won't "win" an argument with you because there is no reason in play here, just your emotions.  One can't win an argument against emotions.  There is no argument, no discussion, just a tantrum and a person who is going to say whatever they want to say regardless of what is put before them.  They'll stamp their foot claiming they're right and that's that.

This is not a discussion, just you making random accusations about people who happen to disagree with you.
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#68
(01-13-2011, 06:21 AM)Iolanthe Wrote: Anyway, her father is also a prot, so he's probably every bit as much of a jerk as the husband.

Yeah, we know.  To you ALL men are jerks.  You've made that clear.
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#69
(01-13-2011, 07:56 AM)QuisUtDeus Wrote:
(01-13-2011, 06:21 AM)Iolanthe Wrote: Anyway, her father is also a prot, so he's probably every bit as much of a jerk as the husband.

Yeah, we know.  To you ALL men are jerks.  You've made that clear.

You've crossed the line. First claiming that all my statements are not arguments but emotions, and now this. You sound like a sulky teenager. I'm not the one throwing a tantrum here. My statements have been reasonable and based on fact; I'm sorry if you prefer to sling mud and use the ancient "you're being emotional" argument that people resort to when they have really backed themselves into a corner.

I can't understand why you are reacting in this way. Her husband is abusive, I said so, as did others. I said she should divorce him or get a separation but most of all she should talk to a priest. I also said I could be wrong.

You said she should find someone to beat him up and picked on my vocabulary, then accused me of being emotional and irrational, and imagined that I'm "calumniating" the posters on here because I think their reactions are inadequate and implicitly condone the abuse.

I'm sorry I disagree with you since it bothers you so much. However, calling me irrational is not going to make me agree with you, so please stop.

I don't think all men are jerks. I'm surprised that once again I have to defend myself against this absurd allegation, but here we go. Please grow up. Calling someone an abuser and saying that he should be dealt with accordingly does not in any way equal saying that "all men are jerks." 
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#70
It's also sad that you are more worried about the egos of people who are supposedly being "calumniated" than you are about the OP's situation. She needs a way to defend herself; that's my concern. Your concern is the fact that I haven't lined up my views with yours and the other people who think she should take little to no action in dealing with her abuser husband. Your suggestion that her dad should go and beat up her husband is nothing but a daydream since obviously it hasn't happened and the abuse has been going on for quite some time. I'm suggesting a practical and real solution to the problem, and probably the only that will allow her convert and have any kind of peace and mind and soul. She needs to remove herself physically from the situation. There is nothing irrational or emotional about this solution. It is essentially practical, unlike the "be quiet and pray about it" comments from others.
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