I'm freaking out again (worry)
#1
Because of the neglect I grew up in, I struggle with 'overparenting' and worry. Lately my worry has been escalating, and today was particularly bad.

My daughter has a favorite animal, she and it are inseparable. She brings it everywhere. Today we were leaving the zoo, and I asked her if I could hold it because she was messing with a monkey head that bites (on the end of a stick kinda thing, those little 4 dollar plastic things from the zoo) and she didn't want to hand him over, so I let her keep him. In the 100 yards to the car in the parking lot, she dropped him because he wasn't in her hands when we got to the car and the conversation about asking for her animal was just a few yards outside the front-- I knew this was going to happen which is why I asked for him because she was preoccupied with the monkey head. I wasn't trailing behind mom (who was carrying my daughter) or looking for the baby to drop something like I usually do because my dad, who stresses me out, requires a lot of 'maintenance' of his own. So, I lost it, looking for her animal, only a 100 dang yards and it's already gone, and we know exactly the path we took. It was definitely not more than 3-4 minutes too! I looked for him forever. I went to Lost N Found. I called them later...

Well, we never found him, and I feel miserable and he's her favorite and I was furious at my dad (not just this, he's been high maintenance since yesterday from the airport). He's really flippant about it, and it reminded me of how flippant my parents were about oh, food, shelter, healthcare, protecting me from abuse. So, I completely let him have it and the worst part is I don't even feel bad, I only feel sick to my stomach about losing my daughter's animal which she's immensely attached to.

It's hard to explain, but I really overcompensate on things like providing security and food and stuff for her because of the neglect I went through. It's like I'm trying to make sure she never has to deal with it.

I'm freaked out, dizzy sometimes, panicky, afraid of whether to tell her. Afraid to get another one that I found on the internet (hard to find) because I've never lied to her and I feel I'll be lying.

I feel completely exhausted and about to cry from exhaustion from the stress of worry. I feel like I 'failed' her and I can't make it up to her without getting *that specific* animal back (rather than a new one)

Since 'failing' as her father today I feel like something's going to happen to her. I can barely drive and pretty much have to have my wife drive because I'm afraid of an accident on the way home. I was terrified at my brother in law's birthday dinner tonight that someone would drop something hot on her (completely irrationally so). I don't want to leave the house now because 'something might happen to her'.

I'm really really tired of feeling like this. I feel like I want to hold her and cry. I don't want to let her sleep alone without watching her or something's going to 'get her'.

Please pray for me. I'm going to have a drink and pray the rosary (while she sleeps)
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#2
(01-09-2011, 01:28 AM)Iuvenalis Wrote: Please pray for me. I'm going to have a drink and pray the rosary (while she sleeps)

First, the quoted above is wise.  :)  (Of course, even though I love alcohol, make sure it doesn't become a problem.  ;))

Next, prayers.    :pray:  At least tomorrow is Sunday - Mass day!  :)
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#3

don't lie to her....if you really think that you need to get her another one, and

if she's upset and realizes it's already gone, and can understand ( Iforgot how old she is) basic cause and effect, kid-style....

then look for one on the internet together, and lead the conversation to hope, able to solve problems, ATTEMPTING to solve problems even if things don't go our way -

make it a lesson, that problems can be attacked and solved, rather than that once something happens, it's permanently ruined everything.

As far as the anxiety goes...sigh.

you can PM me if you like.

Very sadly, many people feel like you do - even though you may feel very isolated and crazy right now.

oh, and

:pray2:
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#4
:pray2:
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#5
:pray:
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#6
:pray:
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#7
:pray2:

Probably if you tell her the stuffed animal wanted to stay at the zoo, and you show her a picture of the replacement one and say it's coming in the mail, she won't be as upset. Try to make up an interesting story about why the other one wanted to stay and maybe say it has a twin brother or something. (I don't really consider that lying.) She might end up not being upset at all.

Just a thought.
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#8
:pray2: for your anxiety

and be honest with your daughter...kids need to realize that sometime things get lost and ther is nothing we can do. You can plan a special shopping trip with her to find something to replace it with.
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#9
You need so e prayers and need a drink. Maybe a night out wih lads o let u relax. U seem very stressed I'll offer a prayer and when eve we meet sips on me
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#10
:pray2:

That's anxiety, my friend, and it is interfering with your life. How opposed are you to trying medication?  From personal experience, it really helps.

(01-09-2011, 09:32 AM)Iolanthe Wrote: :pray2:

Probably if you tell her the stuffed animal wanted to stay at the zoo, and you show her a picture of the replacement one and say it's coming in the mail, she won't be as upset. Try to make up an interesting story about why the other one wanted to stay and maybe say it has a twin brother or something. (I don't really consider that lying.) She might end up not being upset at all.

Just a thought.

Cute!
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