Normal to be depressed all the time thinking about hell?
#41
st. dominic_savio,

:pray2:

Scruples plays out in real life as the inability to judge one's self.  

Because this is so, the remedy is obedience to a competent confessor. Seek that confessor above all. Between confessions, communicate with him by phone, email or smoke signals if you have to. It may seem impossible to follow what you will likely regard as extreme mildness from him. He may advise or even forbid you to make an examination of conscience (for now). The more objections you have to receiving Our Lord throughout your minutes, day and week, that much more he may urge, or even order you, to receive Holy Communion.

It's possible too, that your soul might gain peace and joy be yours soon after finding this good help.

Trust is what it boils down in being obedient to the confessor or spiritual director as the remedy for scruples. Trust is what Jesus asks the scrupulous soul to try to do.



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#42
Thanks again for the help. I'm reading The Dark Night of The Soul this week. I'm pretty sure I do have "scruples" but I always thought it was just good old fashioned fear of hell catholicism like Our Lord and Our Lady of Fatima wants us to have. This is what lead me to Fisheaters in the first place! For example, I just cant believe how light my penances are in the confession. It just seems crazy to me. I also sometimes wish that in confession my confessor would be more harsh with me and chew me out. This may seem like a bizzare desire but I have it. During mass sometimes all these extreme emotions come over me.

Finally, I have a great fear of being lukewarm. When I have a fun day with my friends (almost all non-catholic) for example by playing basketball at the park, I come home really depressed like I should have spent that time trying to convert them instead of engaging in pointless liesure activiites. Another example maybe when I flirt with a girl and get her phone number, but then I never call her because I doubt the average woman on the street these days will ever accept the church's teaching on contraception and traditional gender roles. There are also times when I go to a family function with my immediate family and grandparents and I feel so good conversing with my family. I feel guilty about this joy because they are all liberal novus ordoers who don't go to confession. I feel like I just wasted that time I had with them in dinner and I should have tried to convert them.

This may sound unusual coming from a man but lately I have also been afraid of showing vanity. I have been told I am a good looking young man, so I fear that  my looks may cause women to sin. I am starting to feel bad putting gel in my hair, wearing designer jeans, wearing brand new white shoes, and pretty much doing anything out of my way that shows an excessive interest in my physical appearance.

Another thing that I do when I feel that I am lukewarm is that I go on youtube and try to watch the most traditional sermons on Hell that I can get my hands on, whether that is SSPX or the Dimond Brothers. This may sound weird but when I begin to feel good, there is a part inside me that says go meditate on hell this is all an illusion until judgement day. To sum it all up, I have to go on these "hell binges" sometimes when I feel that I am becoming too lukewarm and I do not know if it is from God or if it is from the Devil.
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#43
One other thing to add is that sometimes my "hell binges" get to the point where I look up stuff on TBN (Trinity Broadcast Network- protestant channel) and listen to people who say they went to hell, or even some who say they went to heaven. This type of stuff confuses me becaue I thought there was no salvation outside the church? And theres no way I can dismiss all these people as liars, they seem genuine.

The most significant thing that I feel guilty about is not evangelizing the gospel, Jesus Christ, and the Roman Catholic Church at home, in the workplace, or with my friends. There is a part of me right now which is screaming at me to basically become a Fr. Feeney and tell everyone around me they are going to hell unless they 1.) get baptized 2.) become catholic 3.) die in a state of grace. I know that if I start doing this I will probably loose most of my friends, but that would be a good thing because that is what Our Lord asks us to do when he says take up your cross and follow me, and if the world hates the master (Jesus) they will most certainly hate the servant (me). So basically right now my mind is telling me that friends hating me because I'm catholic = committed catholicism, being nice to non-catholic friends without telling them they are probably going to hell = lukewarmness.
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#44
You are a layman not a priest. You are part of the Church Taught, not the Teaching Church. Let the shepherds gather in the lost sheep. You are a sheep, so first of all just worry about your own soul. If by your example, you can get others around you on the same path, then great, but mostly by example, not by preaching. If you want to preach, then by all means, look into a vocation. But leave the door-to-door thing and the witnessing to the Jehovah's Witnesses and born-again bible beaters. They're nuts, anyway.

If you go around telling people they're all going to hell, that doesn't make you a good Catholic, just an asshole. Even if you're right, you won't attract ANYBODY if all you do is knee them in the groin with the truth. Catholicism is not just a philosophy--the very essence of Catholicism is charity, or love. If you shout the truth from the rooftops, but have no love, then you're just making a lot of noise, like a barking dog or a man banging on garbage cans.

St. Francis de Sales says you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Just worry about being a good Catholic. You.
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#45
Another thing to think about, you can plant a seed sometimes, but only the Holy Ghost (and Mary) can convert somebody.

Listen, when I converted, I'm sure I drove a lot of people nuts and alienated people who were close to me. You get preachy on people, and I tell you, they shut down, they stop listening, and all they can think about is how to shut you up or get away from you. It's NOT the way to reach people, and all you get is alienation, isolation, and severed bonds.

Be a good Catholic, that's all. If you become holier than you are now, then I'm sure God will be able to use you as His instrument somehow. (Probably not in the way you have planned for Him. :P) EDITED TO ADD: And the way to do that is to get to the sacraments when you can, use the graces that come from them, and pray to Jesus and Mary.
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#46
Quote:This may sound unusual coming from a man but lately I have also been afraid of showing vanity. I have been told I am a good looking young man, so I fear that  my looks may cause women to sin. I am starting to feel bad putting gel in my hair, wearing designer jeans, wearing brand new white shoes, and pretty much doing anything out of my way that shows an excessive interest in my physical appearance.

  :-[ Women will be SAFE around you. If most guys did this, we'd have a lot more nuns.
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#47
When a friend of mine with similar thoughts once expressed to a priest that he felt "the most sinful person on earth", the priest shot back at him "you are not 'the most' anything! Be more humble!"

Desiring to be severely punished, as you've expressed a few times already, is a form of pride.
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#48
I don't think I or anyone else here is qualified to give you spiritual direction over such an important issue, but it does seem that you are in an extremely negative state of mind and need proper spiritual direction from a good, canonical Catholic priest. Find a good priest, ask him for a private meeting, and pour out all these problems to him, especially your despair. Be patient, pray, and trust in the love and light of God. Remember Christ's words to Peter as he despaired in the storm-tossed water: Ego eimi. Mi phobeisthe. - "I AM. Do not be afraid." Prayers for you, buddy.  :pray:
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#49
And stop deliberately exposing yourself to the teaching of heretics.  Unable to get enough hell talk from Catholic sources you are turning to heretics for more.  You are placing your obsession with hell above your Catholic faith.  You need to confess this next time you go to Confession.
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#50
(05-23-2011, 06:47 AM)ecclesiastes Wrote: When a friend of mine with similar thoughts once expressed to a priest that he felt "the most sinful person on earth", the priest shot back at him "you are not 'the most' anything! Be more humble!"

Desiring to be severely punished, as you've expressed a few times already, is a form of pride.

Indeed. Seems like a sort of religious narcissism/masochism, disguised as piety.
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