New EWTN Hit: "Cooking With Raymond"?
#1
http://www.remnantnewspaper.com/Archives...aymond.htm

Cooking With Raymond: The Leaked Screenplay

By I. M. Persiflage, A-CNN Film Critic

[Image: ray_arroyo.jpg]

Finally, a Catholic Emeril!

(A-CNN) A-CCN has acquired a leaked screenplay of the upcoming made-for-TV movie about EWTN’s latest prime time show. The movie is to be called, “Cooking with Raymond: the Untold Story.” It is based on the book by the show’s former director, Joe Smith. Here is a sneak peek!

Act I

(EWTN Board Room- Executive Director Doug Keck is leading a meeting. Present are Director Joe Smith and Theological Expert Colin Donovan)

Doug: Ok, folks, you know why I called this meeting. I’ll be frank with you. Our ratings are in the tank. Cardinal Dolan’s Comedy Hour started strong, but as soon as he had to resort back to the foam cheese head for laughs, I knew we jumped the shark.  Joe, what are our best-rated shows?

Joe: Well, the top rated show is The World Over with Raymond Arroyo.  The next is Savoring Our Faith, a cooking show with Fr. Leo.

Doug: Hmmm…interesting… I have an idea. Get this. What if we combined the premise of a cooking show with… Raymond Arroyo! Genius! The best of both worlds for ratings. We’ll put it in one of our prime time slots. Who do we have at 8pm on Wednesdays?

Joe: Fr. Mitch hosting EWTN live.

Doug: Sub it in for his Wednesday show. Tell him he’s cancelled.

(Doug turns to Colin Donovan, resident EWTN theologian)

Colin, are there any moral or theological problems with a cooking show?

Colin: Uhhh, not that I see off hand. Cooking is a morally neutral act that…

Doug: Great!

(Just then Fr. Joseph opens the door and walks in with a big plastic garbage can on wheels.)

Doug:  Fr. Joseph? I thought I told you we’re having a board meeting! Only laypersons are allowed in here.

Fr. Joseph: Oh, I’m sorry. I was just helping empty trashcans. Remember, I asked you how the brothers could help the network? You said by taking over the janitorial duties.

Doug: Ahh, yes, Father! How could I forget? Please by all means come in.

(Fr. Joseph slowly wheels his container over to the trashcan. Doug Keck impatiently looks at his watch and taps his foot. Fr. empties trashcan in his container and starts to wheel out the door.)

Doug: Father, wait!

Fr. Joseph: Yes, Doug?

Doug:  I just finished my coke. Here’s the can.

Fr. Joseph: Gee. Thanks, Doug.

(Fr. Joseph wheels out the door)

Doug: Ok, Joe. Get Raymond on the phone!

(Joe dials Raymond on conference call)

Female voice: Raymond Arroyo’s office. How can I help you?

Doug: Yes, this is Doug Keck. I’m calling for Raymond. Who’s this?

Female voice: I’m Raymond’s personal assistant. I screen all of his calls.

Doug: What!? (leans over to Joe) When did Arroyo get a personal assistant? We’re hurting for money here. Who authorized this?

Joe: I believe you did, sir.

Doug: (to Joe) Quiet! (to phone) What’s your name, young lady?

Female voice: Mary Ann

Doug: Mary Ann, you tell Raymond he’s going to star in a cooking show next Wednesday night at 8pm. Oh, and tell him to book one of those celebrities he knows to cook with him! Tell him to be ready.

Mary Ann: Will do, sir.

Doug: Brilliant idea! I’m mining gold here folks. I hope you’re all taking notes.

Click here for Acts II & III: http://www.remnantnewspaper.com/Archives...aymond.htm
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#2
[Image: 0.jpg]


Being a frequent guest of Raymond's, I think Father Sirico would be fabulous for this show.

As the Director of the Acton Institute and with his love of Kochsucker Ecomonics, we may have an interesting angle here.

Perhaps he can help whip up dishes in a segment named "Kochsucker Home Economics".

The recipes could involve the most delicious of delicacies with the creamiest of sauces on a budget.

A kochsucker is anyone involved in politics who advocates policies that benefit corporations, big business and right wing interests, under the guise that those policies will actually benefit normal Americans. Very similar to a teabagger.

So don't go accusing me of talking dirty. Any off color humor due to the characters involved is purely serendipitous and in your head. And perhaps perhaps in Father Sirico's as well.

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#3
(12-09-2012, 01:56 PM)Adam Wayne Wrote: A kochsucker is anyone involved in politics who advocates policies that benefit corporations, big business and right wing interests, under the guise that those policies will actually benefit normal Americans. Very similar to a teabagger.

So don't go accusing me of talking dirty. Any off color humor due to the characters involved is purely serendipitous and in your head. And perhaps perhaps in Father Sirico's as well.

I won't accuse you of off-color humor, but teabaggers as you call them are hardly so monolithic in thought as to espouse all you attribute to them.

As for including Father Sirico, you would be better off including Father Z since he seems to admire Father Sirico so much and posts so much about cooking.
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#4
(12-09-2012, 02:20 PM)Jacob Wrote:
(12-09-2012, 01:56 PM)Adam Wayne Wrote: A kochsucker is anyone involved in politics who advocates policies that benefit corporations, big business and right wing interests, under the guise that those policies will actually benefit normal Americans. Very similar to a teabagger.

So don't go accusing me of talking dirty. Any off color humor due to the characters involved is purely serendipitous and in your head. And perhaps perhaps in Father Sirico's as well.

I won't accuse you of off-color humor, but teabaggers as you call them are hardly so monolithic in thought as to espouse all you attribute to them.

As for including Father Sirico, you would be better off including Father Z since he seems to admire Father Sirico so much and posts so much about cooking.

I was just giving the definition of a kochsucker. If it really bothers you, why don't you take it up with Urban Dictionary for including it in their definition. 

But that's not really your issue, now is it, Jacob?
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#5
(12-09-2012, 12:12 PM)hbaldauf Wrote: [Image: ray_arroyo.jpg]

I just saw part of pretty boy Raymonds show a few days back while flipping through channels. I see he has laid off the huge amounts of rouge he used to use on his cheeks.


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#6
Adam, that shit will get you your own spot on the Ru Paul Gag/Drag queen for a day show.

disgusting,

tim
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#7
I am waiting for EWTN to tap into the "gay Catholic community". 

Brokeback Deacons

Starring Raymond Arroyo and his pal Sean Hannitty

Special guest star Rick Santorum as Fr. Skippy
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#8
(12-09-2012, 02:33 PM)Tim Wrote: Adam, that sh** will get you your own spot on the Ru Paul Gag/Drag queen for a day show.

disgusting,

tim

What's disgusting? My humor or Father Sirico?

He's a Capitalist Pig and a homosexual that performed "gay marriages" when he was a Prot. I believe he may have even performed the first homosexual union.
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#9
Adam Wayne Wrote:What's disgusting? My humor or Father Sirico?

He's a Capitalist Pig and a homosexual that performed "gay marriages" when he was a Prot. I believe he may have even performed the first homosexual union.

He's also a Priest and, by virtue of his office, deserves your due respect. Your petty, political sensibilities gives you no right to refer to him as a "pig". Holy Mother Church has allowed Catholics to ascribe to Capitalist economic theory within certain parameters and you have no right to malign anyone (much less a Priest) for doing so. The way in which so many trads develop such an unhealthy fixation on such secular matters is quite disturbing.

In addition, can you substantiate your claim that Father is a homosexual or is this just a belligerent piece of calumny penned in some dark corner of the blogosphere? ... and why is he to be condemned for what he did prior to his conversion (or reconversion) to the Faith? If this is your logic then I shudder at what you must think of St. Augustine, Bartolomo Longo or Mary Magdalene. Can you prove Father's conversion was any less sincere? I've read a few of his comments on homosexual unions and I see no instance of him straying from what the Church teaches. Can you prove otherwise? 

If he's as much of a deviant and a source of scandal as you claim he is, I'd be more than happy to see what it is you've uncovered. If you possess none, hit the confessional asap.
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#10
Joshua,

http://www.romancatholicreport.com/id119.html
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