The Low Churchman's Guide to the Solemn High Mass - Anglican Satire
#1
I wasn't sure exactly where to put this on the forum, but since it is actually pretty funny I thought I would share.

http://lowchurchmanguide.tumblr.com/archive

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#2
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! I've almost been falling of my chair with laughter!  :LOL: I started my journey to Rome as a 'ritualist' Anglican. I remember Lowchurchmen arguing against us. In fact, my parish had had a Lowchurch Dean and when he was replaced by a moderate Anglo-Catholic, who expected his staff to be addressed as 'Father' (he was 'Dean' Olsen, but he appreciated being called 'Father' as well) and had the temerity to replace Morning Prayer and Litany with Holy Communion as the principal service on Sunday, there were actually demonstrations and such an outcry that Time magazine ran an article on it.

For instance, I have functioned as an MC at a Solemn High 'Mass' and I actually owned a copy of 'Ritual Notes' which this site does a great sendup on.

Again, thank you for giving me some fun!
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#3
(09-26-2013, 05:34 AM)jovan66102 Wrote: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! I've almost been falling of my chair with laughter!  :LOL: I started my journey to Rome as a 'ritualist' Anglican. I remember Lowchurchmen arguing against us. In fact, my parish had had a Lowchurch Dean and when he was replaced by a moderate Anglo-Catholic, who expected his staff to be addressed as 'Father' (he was 'Dean' Olsen, but he appreciated being called 'Father' as well) and had the temerity to replace Morning Prayer and Litany with Holy Communion as the principal service on Sunday, there were actually demonstrations and such an outcry that Time magazine ran an article on it.

For instance, I have functioned as an MC at a Solemn High 'Mass' and I actually owned a copy of 'Ritual Notes' which this site does a great sendup on.

Again, thank you for giving me some fun!

No problem.  I thought it was hilarious and figured I would pass it on.  In fact, many of these satirical "arguments" would probably apply to non-traditional Catholics as well. 
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#4
Another probable reason why the Anglicans (in the person of the Archlayman of Canterbury) were wished a fruitful ministry by the likes of John Paul II et al. Their noxious attitudes can be passed on to unsuspecting Catholics. Nothing like mocking Catholic ritual you know!
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#5
(09-26-2013, 01:15 PM)OldMan Wrote: Another probable reason why the Anglicans (in the person of the Archlayman of Canterbury) were wished a fruitful ministry by the likes of John Paul II et al. Their noxious attitudes can be passed on to unsuspecting Catholics. Nothing like mocking Catholic ritual you know!

Did you bother to read the site or do you understand the concept of satire? Far from mocking Catholic ritual, the author of the website is defending its use in the Anglican Church by the use of satire. If he had been mocking it, I wouldn't have found it amusing, even as an Anglo-Catholic.
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#6
I think my favorite post is the one on "Introit"...the opening paragraph especially:

When a group of Ritualists meet over a bottle of gin, they will often begin arguing about the propriety of various liturgical customs. Is it licit to receive the Eucharist from a priest who is not wearing a maniple? Should the Litany be sung in procession, or from a litany desk? If a frog leaps onto an unconsecrated host that is sitting on the edge of a lavabo towel during the Magnificat at Solemn Evensong, should the officiating priest be conditionally reordained? Although the seeming interest of ritualists in determining correct answers to these questions may suggest that they are profoundly concerned with the order and logic of the liturgy, the reality is quite the opposite. Ritualists are quite happy to add elements to the service according to their merest whim and regardless of their appropriateness for the celebration at hand, so that after a few years of Ritualist rule a parish’s simple morning service will have become encrusted with irrelevant additions, like barnacles on the side of a Cunarder.

I laugh every time.

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#7
(09-26-2013, 03:30 PM)jovan66102 Wrote:
(09-26-2013, 01:15 PM)OldMan Wrote: Another probable reason why the Anglicans (in the person of the Archlayman of Canterbury) were wished a fruitful ministry by the likes of John Paul II et al. Their noxious attitudes can be passed on to unsuspecting Catholics. Nothing like mocking Catholic ritual you know!

Did you bother to read the site or do you understand the concept of satire? Far from mocking Catholic ritual, the author of the website is defending its use in the Anglican Church by the use of satire. If he had been mocking it, I wouldn't have found it amusing, even as an Anglo-Catholic.
You don't use satire with regard to sacred things. Besides who gives a flying rip what liturgy the Anglicans use. They are still playing church as they have no apostolic mission to fulfill - unless of course you agree with soon-to-be
St. JP II.
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#8
Rich stuff.  :grin:

Some of my favorites:

Under Organ Shoes
"True Anglicans know that the feet have one purpose, and one purpose only: to stand firm against the onslaughts of ritualism."

Under Surplice Choirs
"...it is a debatable point whether an Anglican church should have a choir at all; the sonorous cadences of the preacher’s oratory ought to be music enough for a discerning congregation"

Under Compline
"Medieval peasants lived at the mercy of lawless gangs of priests..."

Under Adressing Priests as Fathers
"It is often confusing for loyal churchmen to navigate ecclesiastical circles, since in a social gathering that includes several priests it is not uncommon to hear the same person address multiple men as “Father” in the course of an evening. The loyal churchman gapes in astonishment, wondering what complications of consanguinity might explain this behaviour. The woman next to the punch bowl has acknowledged at least five “fathers” since she arrived here a few minutes ago; the gray-bearded old man next to the window is obviously senile, for he has identified as his “father” a mere youth in his twenties; and the bespectacled clergyman whom you know to be unmarried has already been greeted by several of his children, all presumably illegitimate."

:LOL:
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#9
(09-26-2013, 05:48 PM)OldMan Wrote:
(09-26-2013, 03:30 PM)jovan66102 Wrote:
(09-26-2013, 01:15 PM)OldMan Wrote: Another probable reason why the Anglicans (in the person of the Archlayman of Canterbury) were wished a fruitful ministry by the likes of John Paul II et al. Their noxious attitudes can be passed on to unsuspecting Catholics. Nothing like mocking Catholic ritual you know!

Did you bother to read the site or do you understand the concept of satire? Far from mocking Catholic ritual, the author of the website is defending its use in the Anglican Church by the use of satire. If he had been mocking it, I wouldn't have found it amusing, even as an Anglo-Catholic.
You don't use satire with regard to sacred things. Besides who gives a flying rip what liturgy the Anglicans use. They are still playing church as they have no apostolic mission to fulfill - unless of course you agree with soon-to-be
St. JP II.

The satire is not directed at the liturgy, but at the perceptions "low-churchmen" have toward "high-church" ritual. Nearly all of what they so wittily address is more than applicable to Catholic circles where "low church" and "high church" camps are just as prevalent, not to mention that most of what Anglo-Catholics do liturgically is identical to what many traditional Catholics do as well (often, ironically, in a much more superior way).

So just calm down, bud.  :) The only cause for debate here is the artificial one you're trying to force onto this lighthearted thread.
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#10
I'm slowly working my way through all the posts. They're all hilarious, but so far, I think my favourite is 'Maniples'. This cracked me up:
Quote:Various explanations have been ventured as to the true purpose of the maniple: does its elaborate embroidery contain coded messages from the ritualist’s true masters at the Vatican, or does it conceal a loop of piano wire that the priest can use to garrotte an adversary?
This is especially amusing if you are aware of the slavish imitation of Rome by Anglo-Catholics until the Council. In fact, there was another 'ritualist' book, similar to 'Ritual Notes', called 'The Ritual Reason Why'. The author/editor produced a new edition every few years to keep up with Roman changes.

For example, after HH Pius XII approved of evening Masses in the early 50s, a new edition came out which, on this point, said, 'In view of the Holy Father's recent decree, evening Masses can no longer be called unCatholic'! :LOL:
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