A Single Post That Explains Why Toxic Trads Are Not Welcome Here
(10-27-2013, 01:33 PM)In nomine Patris Wrote:
(10-27-2013, 09:25 AM)HailGilbert Wrote: Vox, these "toxic trads" are part of the reason why I don't post here that much anymore. I looked for compassion and encouragement and got beat up instead. NOT by everyone, true, but certain ones who you've rightly banned for being toxic.

As you know, I have those mental illnesses that I can't stop complaining about, now added with type 2 diabetes, neuropathy and recently arthritis. I get easily discouraged and depressed and hate suffering, especially now. I don't trust any priest to be a spiritual director for me, for I don't know if they are orthodox or modernist. And I don't go to Mass or Confession for I'm angry toward Jesus for permitting me to be this way from all Eternity - and not even telling me why on my level of understanding.

I complain and beg and plead Him once a day, every day, to cure me first and nothing happens. How can I trust Him if He won't do this? And those toxic folks only made it worse for me.

Vox, thank you for purging them from FE. I hope it will make it easier for me and other folks like me to come back and interact more. Please keep me in your prayers, for I need them bad if I am EVER to escape Hell when I die and be healed of my sicknesses in this life.

Thank you so very, very much.

Perhaps you are destined to be a victim soul? Great graces and reward in Heaven can be yours if you accept God's will. Please go back to the sacraments. Prayers.

I don't want to be a victim soul. It means I'm being picked on and bullied again like when I was a child and teenager. I'd rather kill myself if that is what is intended for me. No, I want to be normal, not the sub-human freak that I am right now. Please, Jesus, cure me first, so that I don't die cursing you and going to Hell. Please cure me first.

And thank you again for your prayers.
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HailGilbert,

I hope you will please examine your conscience because some of what you wrote hurts Our Lord on the Cross who infinitely loves you and me more than we will ever know or understand. Christ promised that no matter how much human suffering we may endure in this life, the burden will never be too much for us to handle with His grace. It's a mystery, but it is our Holy Faith. Asking for prayers tells me you still have Catholic faith.

I encourage you to find a good priest for spiritual advise, confession, and to come back to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I believe if you do, God will heal your soul and give you peace, even if he does not cure the illnesses of the mind and body.

In the past when I have felt like I was suffering too much, I have tried to remind myself there are those far worse off. Somewhere in this world there someone who suffers worse than anyone else on the planet. It might be a quadriplegic, deaf, mute, blind, schizophrenic, ulcerated child prostitute. But God has not abandoned the least on Earth. The one who has suffered infinitely more than anyone else is the One who did so from the Cross for every human being including you and me.

Please return to your faith. We were born yesterday. We die tomorrow.  You can persevere to the end, and for all if us the end is very close.

Pax,

Chris
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(10-27-2013, 09:25 AM)HailGilbert Wrote: As you know, I have those mental illnesses that I can't stop complaining about, now added with type 2 diabetes, neuropathy and recently arthritis. I get easily discouraged and depressed and hate suffering, especially now. I don't trust any priest to be a spiritual director for me, for I don't know if they are orthodox or modernist. And I don't go to Mass or Confession for I'm angry toward Jesus for permitting me to be this way from all Eternity - and not even telling me why on my level of understanding. I complain and beg and plead Him once a day, every day, to cure me first and nothing happens. How can I trust Him if He won't do this?

Suffering can be suffocating and crushing. But suffering has meaning and value for a Christian and the only way to be at peace with it is to embrace it as the cross that God has given us. We abandon ourselves to His will as Christ abandoned Himself to the will of the Father. Suffering becomes powerful and redemptive when we unite it to the sufferings of Christ, who endured unimaginable suffering for our salvation. Thus Christ calls us to carry our crosses in life, which becomes the means of our sanctification and material for building our reward in heaven. Great suffering endured with love and abandonment for the sake of others is to follow in Christ's footsteps.

[Image: suffering.jpg]
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(10-27-2013, 04:19 PM)christulsa123 Wrote: HailGilbert,

I hope you will please examine your conscience because some of what you wrote hurts Our Lord on the Cross who infinitely loves you and me more than we will ever know or understand. Christ promised that no matter how much human suffering we may endure in this life, the burden will never be too much for us to handle with His grace. It's a mystery, but it is our Holy Faith. Asking for prayers tells me you still have Catholic faith.

I encourage you to find a good priest for spiritual advise, confession, and to come back to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I believe if you do, God will heal your soul and give you peace, even if he does not cure the illnesses of the mind and body.

In the past when I have felt like I was suffering too much, I have tried to remind myself there are those far worse off. Somewhere in this world there someone who suffers worse than anyone else on the planet. It might be a quadriplegic, deaf, mute, blind, schizophrenic, ulcerated child prostitute. But God has not abandoned the least on Earth. The one who has suffered infinitely more than anyone else is the One who did so from the Cross for every human being including you and me.

Please return to your faith. We were born yesterday. We die tomorrow.  You can persevere to the end, and for all if us the end is very close.

Pax,

Chris

I haven't left the Faith. All other religions are false. But I won't come back to Mass and Confession until He cures me first. I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I'm not a man but a sub-human freak, not loved enough to be cured but to be treated like a punching bag in a boxers gym. And who really loves a punching bag?

So long as He keeps allowing me to be broken, mentally and physically, He is hurting me. How can I love Him 100% when He keeps allowing me to be in pain and mentally ill? Please keep praying for me so I don't go to Hell after death and stop running from Him in this life. thank you in advance.
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I see that you're angry with Our Lord.

His crucifixion is His answer to you.

It's the only answer you will receive. Take it or leave it.
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HailGilbert, I have only just seen your posts - briefly. Being a little ill, I am only on this computer very briefly and cannot easily read more of your posts to understand what you are suffering.

But I don't think I can ever understand what you are going through, not having any like experience with illness like you describe.

But like most people, I have had horrendous experience in my life - not illness - and I found nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing helped me more "to get through the night" than daily Mass and regular confession.

I beg you - please, please, please consider this.

He is the doctor, giving medicine through His Sacraments ...

But you are suffering so much - in ways, again, I cannot imagine - that you will not take the medicine He offers you.

I beg you, please take some moments to think of what I say.

I beg you.

Daily Mass, regular confession are a complete miracle.

I am going back to bed soon. I will pray for you.

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(10-27-2013, 02:31 PM)HailGilbert Wrote: Thank you in advance for your prayers and good wishes. To me, though, His sending me crosses are not acts of love but abandonment. If I'm not going to be healed in this life, then I'd rather be dead and soon. Why? It tells me Jesus doesn't love me enough to apply the merits of His sufferings and death on the Cross to heal me in this life. And in turn, it tells me He doesn't love me enough - period.

I attempted suicide five times back in 1980 and those feelings are still with me today, though they ebb and flow like high and low tides on the seashore. If the Lord doesn't cure me on this side of the grave, I know I'll kill myself in the end. When, where and how, I don't know. I just know I'm capable of it if pushed to the wall.

Right now, I don't want either sainthood or damnation. I want normalcy or death. If Jesus won't cure me on this side of the grave and sooner rather than later, then I can't truly say I love and trust Him 100%. It means I'm being picked on and bullied again, just like I was when growing up, both at home and school. Nothing matters to me more in this life right now than to get healed of every mental and physical ill in me or die. If He won't cure me, then He doesn't love me.

Please keep up your prayers for me and thank you again for your kind words and support.

Read about Job, or St. Lydwine of Schiedam. From New Advent:

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Quote: Born at Schiedam, Holland, 18 April 1380; died 14 April, 1433. Her father, Peter by name, came of a noble family while her mother Petronella, born at Kethel, Holland, was a poor country girl. Both were poor. Very early in her life St. Lidwina was drawn towards the Mother of God and prayed a great deal before the miraculous image of Our Lady of Schiedam. During the winter of the year of 1395, Lidwina went skating with her friends, one of whom caused her to fall upon some ice with such violence that she broke a rib in her right side. This was the beginning of her martyrdom. No medical skill availed to cure her. Gangrene appeared in the wound caused by the fall and spread over her entire body. For years she lay in pain which seemed to increase constantly. Some looked on her with suspicion, as being under the influence of the evil spirit. Her pastor, Andries, brought her an unconsecrated host, but the saint distinguished it at once. But God rewarded her with a wonderful gift of prayer and also with visions. Numerous miracles took place at her bed-side. The celebrated preacher and seer, Wermbold of Roskoop, visited her after previously beholding her in spirit. The pious Arnold of Schoonhoven treated her as a friend. Hendrik Mande wrote for her consolation a pious tract in Dutch. When Joannes Busch brought this to her, he asked her what she thought of Hendrik Mande's visions, and she answered that they came from God. In a vision she was shown a rose-bush with the words, "When this shall be in bloom, your suffering will be at an end." In the spring of the year 1433, she exclaimed, "I see the rose-bush in full bloom!" From her fifteenth to her fifty-third year, she suffered every imaginable pain; she was one sore from head to foot and was greatly emaciated. On the morning of Easter-day, 1433, she was in deep contemplation and beheld, in a vision, Christ coming towards her to administer the Sacrament of Extreme Unction. She died in the odour of great sanctity. At once her grave became a place of pilgrimage, and as early as 1434 a chapel was built over it. Joannes Brugmann and Thomas à Kempis related the history of her life, and veneration of her on the part of the people increased unceasingly. In 1615 her relics were conveyed to Brussels, but in 1871 they were returned to Schiedam. On 14 March, 1890, Leo XIII put the official sanction of the Church upon that veneration which had existed for centuries.
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Read about redemptive suffering: http://www.fisheaters.com/offeringitup.html

I know it's easy for someone who's not in your shoes to say "offer it up" or "think of the great Saints who went through horrific suffering!" -- but these things are still so. As hard as things are for you -- and they sound excruciating -- you "can't" think of it as God abandoning you because that's just not the case. Maybe that's the lesson He wants you to learn. Maybe He wants trust from you before anything, including before any potential miracles He may or may not work.

While I have physical issues, I don't have near the suffering of someone like you or Chestertonian. But I understand suicidal feelings all too well. When I was a teenaged and young adult a manic-depressive, I lived with those feelings for years on end. It's awful. Even now, with my faith and with my knowledge of the Faith, I can still get "down in the hole," as Mick Jagger might put it, with the ugly side of manic-depression (mixed state episodes are my forte), but you simply have to hang on to Christ at all costs. When all feels lost, I think of Him as my "North Star" -- the Way to "re-orient myself." Just keep "heading North," Gilbert, no matter what. Keep your eyes on Him in spite of your sufferings, and, yeah, as easy as it is for me to say, offer those sufferings up to Him. And also take time to count whatever blessings you have -- and to consider blessings you have that you might not realize you have.

One thing I've found that at least can -- often does, anyway -- help me a lot when I'm depressed is to focus outward. Dwelling on one's own pain and miseries isn't a good thing to do. Recognizing them and dealing with them, talking about it all with others -- great. But dwelling on them -- especially to the exclusion of thinking of God and neighbor, not good. My guess, and my hope, is that the subjective amount of suffering you endure will lessen greatly if you focus outward a lot more and think about what you can do to help alleviate another's suffering, or how you can do something to help someone, or what not. Look outward, toward other people, and to the North Star behind it all.

I pray God does heal you, body and soul. God bless...


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(10-27-2013, 05:52 PM)Clare Brigid Wrote: I see that you're angry with Our Lord.

His crucifixion is His answer to you.

It's the only answer you will receive. Take it or leave it.

Then I leave it. He doesn't love me enough.  :'((
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(10-27-2013, 07:18 PM)HailGilbert Wrote:
(10-27-2013, 05:52 PM)Clare Brigid Wrote: I see that you're angry with Our Lord.

His crucifixion is His answer to you.

It's the only answer you will receive. Take it or leave it.

Then I leave it. He doesn't love me enough.  :'((

He loves you enough to suffer and die for you.  He loves you enough to make your own suffering redemptive for yourself and others through the power of His Cross.  He loves you so much it would make your head explode.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I think you need to hear this.  You're indulging self-pity and you're blaspheming.  This is worse than any illness.

Our Lord's greatest gift to you in this life may be your illnesses.  If you asked Him to heal you and He hasn't, then His answer is either "no" or "not yet."  That's the way it is.  You can be 100% certain that His reasons are right on the money.  Allow yourself to just be broken.  Let go of the pride and the demands.  Trust Him.

I'm sorry that you're suffering.  I will pray for your healing, but also your spiritual recovery.
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(10-27-2013, 07:18 PM)HailGilbert Wrote:
(10-27-2013, 05:52 PM)Clare Brigid Wrote: I see that you're angry with Our Lord.

His crucifixion is His answer to you.

It's the only answer you will receive. Take it or leave it.

Then I leave it. He doesn't love me enough.  :'((

Yes, like Clare said, that is blasphemous. What you're really saying is that God, Who is Infinite Love, isn't giving you what you want. After getting all the medical help and social support you can, you've got what you've got, whatever the reasons.

I think it's important to remember the tininess of our lives relative to the vastness of God and eternity. Think of a three-year old who drops an ice cream cone and is having a tantrum over it. To him, it's the end of the world. It's foot-stomping time. Maybe even holding your breath til you turn blue time. But the parent knows that it's not that big a deal, that that ice cream cone, in the scope of that kid's life, is nothing -- something he likely won't even remember next week. Now think of how God sees our problems and how we deal with them. While He positively wills no one to suffer, He can allow it for good reason -- maybe for the same reason a good parent wouldn't give a tantrum-throwing kid another ice cream cone. A decent parent might be thinking, "Aw, hell no.. not while you're acting like that!" Or he might think, "Ice cream isn't good for you anyway, so no more." The kid doesn't have a clue about the parent's thoughts, might even consider the parent a tyrant. But the parent is not a tyrant in fact. The kid simply lacks vision, wisdom, discipline, and self-control. KWIM?
 
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