The Experiences of Homosexual Trads
#36
(02-26-2014, 11:36 PM)Heorot Wrote: Thank you, Papist. You probably have a healthy vision of vocation, faith, human dignity, and the grace of God, however. I'm not so sure many "gays" do.

As I see it, there are two sorts of SSA-sufferers when it comes to a vocation: those who slither into the priesthood, and those who remain outside in loneliness and purposelessness all their lives. We can become altar servers, sacristans, artists, writers, and a million other things... but we can never be the ones who offer the sacrifice, nor baptize, nor confirm, nor do anything that literally brings grace to souls. This burns me, personally. Even husband and wife are instrumental in getting their child baptized, and so act as co-priests, co-deliverers of grace, in a very distant but still very intimate fashion.

I'm confused as to why you see this dichotomy here -- that EITHER one "slithers" into the priesthood OR one is, in essence, "useless". I mean, I can understand if one wants to be a priest and is frustrated and pained to find that that avenue is closed to him (I can only begin to imagine the suffering!), but to conclude that, since one can't be a priest, one is "outside in loneliness" and is living a life marked by "purposelessness" is another thing entirely!

I'm really glad I started this thread because I've discovered, from at least two homosexual posters, anyway, that there are people out there who see their lives as without meaning -- in essence, because they are homosexual and don't fit into the "EITHER/OR" scenario of MARRIAGE/RELIGIOUS LIFE. I did NOT expect to see such a thing and have learned how very deeply the pain can go for trad homosexuals. This is all eating at me, bothering me in a big way -- especially because I'm seeing some very bright, sensitive, and empathic people dissing themselves so HARSHLY. It's really painful to me to see (and makes me wish even more and more and MORE that I had the house and funds to start something to at least TRY to give these brothers and sisters -- and their straight counterparts -- a sense of purpose, DEEP fellowship, and MEANING.

(02-26-2014, 11:36 PM)Heorot Wrote: What exactly is the point of life without marriage or ordination? This is the big question of many Catholics who suffer SSA, I think. Some answer it by despair and do nothing, some answer it by abandoning their faith and entering a relationship with another man, some answer it by demanding "gay marriage", some answer it by sneaking into the priesthood, some answer it by finding a wife and pretending they're straight... and some just commit suicide.

The purpose of ANYONE'S life -- whether married or ordained or religious! -- is to love God with all of one's mind, soul, strength, and to love one's neighbor as one loves oneself. Those are THE Two Great Commandments Jesus gave to us -- the two commandments that cover the whole of the law. That is WHY we are ALL here, no matter our station in life. And there are a million ways to live out those commandments without being a priest or a married person! Oh, man, if you knew how badly I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you...

(02-26-2014, 11:36 PM)Heorot Wrote: I can't see any purpose to my life if it is lived in useless lonesomeness. Maybe I am even angry at God, without realizing it? Having SSA is hard enough, but crippling anxiety, OCD, and depression make life hell. I can't really even provide for myself, because of the emotional and spiritual pain. "Philosophy doctorate? Please! What use does God have for someone who isn't married, a priest, or straight?" I don't mean to put you down, Papist, but I believe this is the dilemma that goes through the heads of many who want to be faithful Catholics. Somehow, painting churches, writing stories, composing religious poems, debating philosophy, and going to Mass... it just doesn't seem like it's the full life of grace that celibate men can and should be participating in.

Anyway, sorry...

First, do NOT be sorry for expressing your feelings. That is, in part, what this thread is FOR. These are the kinds of things I WANT to hear, that I WANT for homosexual trads to TALK ABOUT so that maybe they can be helped and prayed for, and so that any "toxic trad" reading over our shoulders might actually HEAR and LEARN that their sassy-ass talk of "sods" and "homos" refers to real live people with hearts and minds and souls, people who can be hurt.

Second, you seem like you may be suffering from some serious, clinical depression -- something I know about on a very intimate level. I hope you talk to your family doctor about this; there may very well be some chemical deficiency you're suffering from.

Third, no matter what -- chemical deficiencies or not -- DUDE! You are SO underestimating the power of the teacher, the artist, the scientist, etc. -- all of whom may not, in themselves, as per the nature of those callings, have a vocation to marriage or to the priesthood.

It seems to me, offhand and discerning in a TOTALLY cursory way, that what you need is friendship (along with the grace of the Sacraments, etc.). It sounds to me as if you're very lonely, and that you need to make a difference in someone's life and to KNOW that you do, to know that what you do matters, that someone "out there" appreciates you, knows who you are, and gives a damn about you. FWIW, you can PM me any time -- or, better, email me: tracy@fisheaters.com  I can at least hear you, truly listen to you, and do my best to let you know you are NOT alone in the world.

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Re: The Experiences of Homosexual Trads - by VoxClamantis - 02-27-2014, 02:31 AM



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