Loneliness
#11
(07-03-2014, 05:49 PM)formerbuddhist Wrote: Take the advice of those who live the semi eremitic life and keep yourself busy. Make sure you have a routine and stick to it, especially a prayer routine, manual labor etc. I think keeping to a routine helps, as does trying to feed your soul with holy and wholesome things.

It can still be hard, especially if you're in a place where there's not a whole lot to keep yourself busy with, or if you're the sort of person where sitting doing things by yourself gets very tiring and stressful.
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#12
(07-02-2014, 12:02 PM)2HeartsServant Wrote: To all of you (particularly single) fishies who suffer from loneliness or isolation, what do you do to beat it?  I know that, personally, whenever I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of being alone and on my own, I tend to fall into self-destructive behavior that leads me away from the Lord and makes my already unhealthy situation even worse.  Any ideas, stories??

I'm engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world, but before I met her, I was lonely.  I don't know if I have any advice to give per se, other than what other posters have said already, but I will say that having that special someone in your life keeps the loneliness away.  My fiance has been on retreat for several days; I miss her tremendously, and I do feel lonely.  But the thought of her keeps me company, and keeping her in my prayers keeps her close.  Maybe my advice is to find that special someone?  I know it's harder said than done, but it's worked wonders for me.

(07-03-2014, 02:19 AM)Dino Wrote: I find that work, praying, reading, and computer games help.  The expression 'the devil uses idle hands' or something like that holds some truth in my experiences. I believe it's very important to keep ourselves busy... prayers for all the single people who suffer from loneliness. St. Benedict Labre pray for us....

That's good advice, except the computer games part.  As a former gamer, I know it's such a huge time sink, and if anything, makes you even more isolated from the rest of the real world.  Also, women hate computer games, and hate being computer-game widows.  So, if you're on a date, don't ever mention you play computer/video games!
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#13
(07-03-2014, 08:30 PM)AllSeasons Wrote:
(07-02-2014, 12:02 PM)2HeartsServant Wrote: To all of you (particularly single) fishies who suffer from loneliness or isolation, what do you do to beat it?  I know that, personally, whenever I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of being alone and on my own, I tend to fall into self-destructive behavior that leads me away from the Lord and makes my already unhealthy situation even worse.  Any ideas, stories??

I'm engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world, but before I met her, I was lonely.  I don't know if I have any advice to give per se, other than what other posters have said already, but I will say that having that special someone in your life keeps the loneliness away.  My fiance has been on retreat for several days; I miss her tremendously, and I do feel lonely.  But the thought of her keeps me company, and keeping her in my prayers keeps her close.  Maybe my advice is to find that special someone?  I know it's harder said than done, but it's worked wonders for me.

(07-03-2014, 02:19 AM)Dino Wrote: I find that work, praying, reading, and computer games help.  The expression 'the devil uses idle hands' or something like that holds some truth in my experiences. I believe it's very important to keep ourselves busy... prayers for all the single people who suffer from loneliness. St. Benedict Labre pray for us....

That's good advice, except the computer games part.  As a former gamer, I know it's such a huge time sink, and if anything, makes you even more isolated from the rest of the real world.  Also, women hate computer games, and hate being computer-game widows.  So, if you're on a date, don't ever mention you play computer/video games!

I do think that finding that special someone is good advice---if you can!  Thankfully, I have found that special someone for me, but as a Christian same-sex "couple", (he's not Catholic) it is difficult for us to balance our commitment to chastity and avoidance of occasions of sin and still be there for each other all the time.  And beyond that, he's got a crazy work schedule that makes it hard to spend time together, too.  Thankfully, with Grace, I think we're making it work reasonably well.  It still gets lonely sometimes, but I'm sure not as bad as some. 
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#14
(07-04-2014, 10:01 AM)2HeartsServant Wrote:
(07-03-2014, 08:30 PM)AllSeasons Wrote:
(07-02-2014, 12:02 PM)2HeartsServant Wrote: To all of you (particularly single) fishies who suffer from loneliness or isolation, what do you do to beat it?  I know that, personally, whenever I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of being alone and on my own, I tend to fall into self-destructive behavior that leads me away from the Lord and makes my already unhealthy situation even worse.  Any ideas, stories??

I'm engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world, but before I met her, I was lonely.  I don't know if I have any advice to give per se, other than what other posters have said already, but I will say that having that special someone in your life keeps the loneliness away.  My fiance has been on retreat for several days; I miss her tremendously, and I do feel lonely.  But the thought of her keeps me company, and keeping her in my prayers keeps her close.  Maybe my advice is to find that special someone?  I know it's harder said than done, but it's worked wonders for me.

(07-03-2014, 02:19 AM)Dino Wrote: I find that work, praying, reading, and computer games help.  The expression 'the devil uses idle hands' or something like that holds some truth in my experiences. I believe it's very important to keep ourselves busy... prayers for all the single people who suffer from loneliness. St. Benedict Labre pray for us....

That's good advice, except the computer games part.  As a former gamer, I know it's such a huge time sink, and if anything, makes you even more isolated from the rest of the real world.  Also, women hate computer games, and hate being computer-game widows.  So, if you're on a date, don't ever mention you play computer/video games!

I do think that finding that special someone is good advice---if you can!  Thankfully, I have found that special someone for me, but as a Christian same-sex "couple", (he's not Catholic) it is difficult for us to balance our commitment to chastity and avoidance of occasions of sin and still be there for each other all the time.  And beyond that, he's got a crazy work schedule that makes it hard to spend time together, too.  Thankfully, with Grace, I think we're making it work reasonably well.  It still gets lonely sometimes, but I'm sure not as bad as some. 

Wait, now I'm confused.  Are you saying that you're in a homosexual relationship?
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#15
(07-04-2014, 09:04 PM)AllSeasons Wrote:
(07-04-2014, 10:01 AM)2HeartsServant Wrote:
(07-03-2014, 08:30 PM)AllSeasons Wrote:
(07-02-2014, 12:02 PM)2HeartsServant Wrote: To all of you (particularly single) fishies who suffer from loneliness or isolation, what do you do to beat it?  I know that, personally, whenever I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of being alone and on my own, I tend to fall into self-destructive behavior that leads me away from the Lord and makes my already unhealthy situation even worse.  Any ideas, stories??

I'm engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world, but before I met her, I was lonely.  I don't know if I have any advice to give per se, other than what other posters have said already, but I will say that having that special someone in your life keeps the loneliness away.  My fiance has been on retreat for several days; I miss her tremendously, and I do feel lonely.  But the thought of her keeps me company, and keeping her in my prayers keeps her close.  Maybe my advice is to find that special someone?  I know it's harder said than done, but it's worked wonders for me.

(07-03-2014, 02:19 AM)Dino Wrote: I find that work, praying, reading, and computer games help.  The expression 'the devil uses idle hands' or something like that holds some truth in my experiences. I believe it's very important to keep ourselves busy... prayers for all the single people who suffer from loneliness. St. Benedict Labre pray for us....

That's good advice, except the computer games part.  As a former gamer, I know it's such a huge time sink, and if anything, makes you even more isolated from the rest of the real world.  Also, women hate computer games, and hate being computer-game widows.  So, if you're on a date, don't ever mention you play computer/video games!

I do think that finding that special someone is good advice---if you can!  Thankfully, I have found that special someone for me, but as a Christian same-sex "couple", (he's not Catholic) it is difficult for us to balance our commitment to chastity and avoidance of occasions of sin and still be there for each other all the time.  And beyond that, he's got a crazy work schedule that makes it hard to spend time together, too.  Thankfully, with Grace, I think we're making it work reasonably well.  It still gets lonely sometimes, but I'm sure not as bad as some. 

Wait, now I'm confused.  Are you saying that you're in a homosexual relationship?

Well I don't think "homosexual relationship" is the best description; at least it's certainly not what our society would consider a typical "homosexual relationship" (if there is such a thing...).  Hence my quotes around the word "couple."  More like a strong, chaste,  friendship with another man whom I love very much.  And who loves me.  So there's no sexual dimension to it.  But, again, with a man I don't get to see very much these days.  And it seems like the pool of young, faithful Catholics from which to make new friends is pretty lean in my area.  Then again, I haven't tried too hard,either. 
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#16
(07-03-2014, 08:30 PM)AllSeasons Wrote: That's good advice, except the computer games part.  As a former gamer, I know it's such a huge time sink, and if anything, makes you even more isolated from the rest of the real world.  Also, women hate computer games, and hate being computer-game widows.  So, if you're on a date, don't ever mention you play computer/video games!

Would you like to see my hours logged list?
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#17
Pray all 20 decades of the rosary
Liturgy of the Hours

When you are with God you are never alone
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#18
I'm in a bit of the same boat. I'm in discernment, and I'm the only one/discerner that I know of; there's no one else. I am also the only church-goer in the family. On top of these, I'm as the OP says - single. I'm introverted, shy & one the melancholic side. A vast majority of my friends are now married and starting families; or starting new relationships. How do I beat the blues?

First, there is a difference between being alone and lonely. Alone means you're by yourself but comfortable (i.e. a state of being; alone on a good hike, alone with a book, alone at Mass); loneliness is about feeling isolated, forgotten, uncared-for which is a feeling/emotion that can occur in a crowded room. You have to determine, are you alone and uncomfortable with yourself, or are you lonely and needing people to engage with?

For the latter, the previous advice of having a schedule or a routine greatly helps. Depending on work, this doesn't need to be rigid. For instance, I work in the schools, so I know my day is busy between 8am and 4pm daily (summertime it's 11am to 7pm), which leaves time for prayer, Divine Office, scriptural reading as can be managed; Eucharistic Adoration. Yet that leaves the weekends open: what are your hobbies? interests? Is there something you've always wanted to learn/understand/experience? Use sites like www.meetup.com to find people of similar interests or hobbies. Teach yourself how to do something: cook, crafts, etc. Take an evening course at a junior college. Learn a language - you'll meet other people who will want to practice/study together. I have developed a slew of activities that meet my comfort level of being out in the world and with people like browsing a book store without buying, hiking, photography & drawing, cooking (offer to cook a meal for a few close friends; they bring wine & dessert); visit a different church with a friend; etc. Make sure these activities are on a rotating basis so nothing becomes dull.

In short, engage in activities; be adventurous.
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#19
What do you do when there are no real activities to engage in?  With my health right now I cannot work.  There is little to do here, out in the country, and what there is costs money.  Our parish has nothing for single young adults.  I'm an extrovert by nature but my health and finances are forcing me to be alone for ages.  I'm facing 2 weeks without even my roommate soon and I'm worried I'm going to go nuts trapped out here!
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#20
(07-05-2014, 04:00 AM)Carmel Wrote: I'm in a bit of the same boat. I'm in discernment, and I'm the only one/discerner that I know of; there's no one else. I am also the only church-goer in the family. On top of these, I'm as the OP says - single. I'm introverted, shy & one the melancholic side. A vast majority of my friends are now married and starting families; or starting new relationships. How do I beat the blues?

First, there is a difference between being alone and lonely. Alone means you're by yourself but comfortable (i.e. a state of being; alone on a good hike, alone with a book, alone at Mass); loneliness is about feeling isolated, forgotten, uncared-for which is a feeling/emotion that can occur in a crowded room. You have to determine, are you alone and uncomfortable with yourself, or are you lonely and needing people to engage with?

For the latter, the previous advice of having a schedule or a routine greatly helps. Depending on work, this doesn't need to be rigid. For instance, I work in the schools, so I know my day is busy between 8am and 4pm daily (summertime it's 11am to 7pm), which leaves time for prayer, Divine Office, scriptural reading as can be managed; Eucharistic Adoration. Yet that leaves the weekends open: what are your hobbies? interests? Is there something you've always wanted to learn/understand/experience? Use sites like www.meetup.com to find people of similar interests or hobbies. Teach yourself how to do something: cook, crafts, etc. Take an evening course at a junior college. Learn a language - you'll meet other people who will want to practice/study together. I have developed a slew of activities that meet my comfort level of being out in the world and with people like browsing a book store without buying, hiking, photography & drawing, cooking (offer to cook a meal for a few close friends; they bring wine & dessert); visit a different church with a friend; etc. Make sure these activities are on a rotating basis so nothing becomes dull.

In short, engage in activities; be adventurous.

This is a really good response. Thanks for this :)

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