Loneliness
#21
(07-05-2014, 05:27 AM)Sunset Wrote: What do you do when there are no real activities to engage in?  With my health right now I cannot work.  There is little to do here, out in the country, and what there is costs money.  Our parish has nothing for single young adults.  I'm an extrovert by nature but my health and finances are forcing me to be alone for ages.  I'm facing 2 weeks without even my roommate soon and I'm worried I'm going to go nuts trapped out here!

Oh, boy.. I've been there -- the being "stuck out in the country" bit, with not one single friend for thousands of miles, and my blood family just as far away. It was Hellish. The only thing I had going for me is that I'm an introvert -- but I'm the kind of introvert who, while needing LOTS (and I mean LOTS AND LOTS) of time alone, also needs time with people (I have to recharge after time with people, but still, I crave that time spent with my fellow humans!).

And you've got the health stuff going on with you, too, and you're broke like me -- wait a minute, are you living my life of a few years ago??

Boy, do I feel for you. I can't imagine enduring what you're enduring while being extroverted on top of it all. I'm so sorry, Sunset  :awww:  I wish I had a steady group of about 8 to 12 folks who'd come by my place and play some games and take parts and read scripts just for the fun of it and go through Kokology books with me and -- just HANG periodically. I guess what I'm saying is that you could move to Indy and hang with me! har

But seriously, this sounds like a really serious problem for you, so how are we going to get you through the next coupla weeks?  You said "What do you do when there are no real activities to engage in?" -- which leads me to believe that you're not just extroverted, but more of a "hands-on" type as opposed to a bookish, "idea" kind of person who lives more in his head. If you weren't the more hands-on type, there are a gazillion options in terms of learning about things, studying, reading for knowledge, reading for pleasure, writing, etc.

But if you're the hands-on type, I'm guessing it'd be a little harder.  Maybe coming up with some inexpensive things to do with your hands might help you -- like whittling, drawing (or learning how to draw if you don't know how. If you have access to a library, get the book "Drawing On the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards (ISBN-10: 1585429201), and go through it, treating it like a study course).

Take up birdwatching, or get library books about the local flora and fauna and just go outside and see what you can see.

I know you're busticated right now, but if you can do postage, write to some soldiers stationed overseas, or to prisoners (one of the works of mercy is to visit the imprisoned, and you can perhaps save a soul doing this), or get a pen pal. There are websites out there that can help you with all of those.

Post at this forum! Oh, please, please, post at this forum! Find interesting articles or reviews or commentary, or treat the place as your own Catholic blog a and just express yourself. We're experiencing a definite dearth of new posts, so you could maybe distract yourself AND help FE at the same time if you were to do that).

Learn some origami. There are sites out there that can teach you how to make some pretty cool stuff -- and paper's pretty inexpensive (though if you want to get realllllly serious about origami, you have to get special paper...)

Go through this site and see if anything strikes you and gives you ideas as to things to DO:  http://www.instructables.com/

If you have a camera (or a cell phone with a camera), go outside and challenge yourself to do some weird thing -- like, say, challenge yourself to find, IN NATURE, the letters of the alphabet (for ex., you find a couple of sticks lying on the ground forming 2/3 of a triangle, and a third stick bisects them. There's your letter A). Or challenge yourself to find things of different colors in nature so you can knock off this color list:  brown; black; white; pink; yellow; red; blue; purple; orange; green. Or make up your own sort of challenge.

Make prank phone calls! (just kidding :P )

Focus outward as much as you can being all by yourself and in emotional need. What things can you possibly do for others while in the isolated situation you're in? Ideas:  when was the last time you called your Grandma and told her how much you love her? When was the last time you called someone who's been way cool with you to just say thanks? Is there anyone you know who's going through a bad time who might love to hear from someone who'd listen?

There's always, too, the easy out of video games --- like most everything else, cool in moderation. Same goes with TV and movies, etc.

Puzzles are easily found online -- all kinds of 'em (if you're into that sort of thing, like I am).

Is there a musical instrument lying around that you don't know how to play? Grab it and use the internet for some basic instructions.

Invite your priest over for dinner or drinks or a game of chess of whatever he's into.

--- But all of these things are stopgaps. It sounds to me as if you're not the type who should be living in the country, so far away from people. Is there any way you and your roomie could move to a more populated place -- a place situated in an area with surrounding public places you can get to easily?

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#22
I seem to be on the same boat as many of you. Thus I also appreciate the many advice here.
Also, from my own part I'll say this: try not to be sick. Being sick alone is the worst.
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#23
(07-05-2014, 05:27 AM)Sunset Wrote: What do you do when there are no real activities to engage in?  With my health right now I cannot work.  There is little to do here, out in the country, and what there is costs money.  Our parish has nothing for single young adults.  I'm an extrovert by nature but my health and finances are forcing me to be alone for ages.  I'm facing 2 weeks without even my roommate soon and I'm worried I'm going to go nuts trapped out here!

There's no activities at all, or activities you're saying internally "it'll be dull" or "it's all old people" or something else along those lines. Maybe it doesn't have to be with a group of people, just find one or two people who are kind of interesting, or whom you always see after Mass but never really get to know. Invite them over for tea or coffee? do lunch from home, or go for a walk together? Maybe someone in the area wants a walking buddy. Your parish has nothing for young adults - ask why there isn't anything, maybe you're the one to start something?

Call people or family? skype?
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#24
(07-06-2014, 02:19 AM)Carmel Wrote:
(07-05-2014, 05:27 AM)Sunset Wrote: What do you do when there are no real activities to engage in?  With my health right now I cannot work.  There is little to do here, out in the country, and what there is costs money.  Our parish has nothing for single young adults.  I'm an extrovert by nature but my health and finances are forcing me to be alone for ages.  I'm facing 2 weeks without even my roommate soon and I'm worried I'm going to go nuts trapped out here!

There's no activities at all, or activities you're saying internally "it'll be dull" or "it's all old people" or something else along those lines. Maybe it doesn't have to be with a group of people, just find one or two people who are kind of interesting, or whom you always see after Mass but never really get to know. Invite them over for tea or coffee? do lunch from home, or go for a walk together? Maybe someone in the area wants a walking buddy. Your parish has nothing for young adults - ask why there isn't anything, maybe you're the one to start something?

Call people or family? skype?

I mean literally.  It's near an hour to bike into town, or the bus that runs once every three hours and ends very early in the day.  Out here's just some scattered houses and a bunch of open land.  Our parish activities are pretty much all things for parents and children, or else explicitly "seniors only".  There's maybe 1 event a week.  I haven't really seen anyone else my age there in any case, and I hardly have the health to start anything.  There's another parish that I think has more young people but it's so hideously exemplary of modernity gone wrong.  They may both be NO masses, but at least our priest treats the Mass reverently and has the guts to give us homilies that have some content.  The only saving grace I can see of the other parish is that the homilies are too inane to be heretical.

And trust me, the LAST thing I need when I'm without friends around is contact with my family!
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#25
I suffered from loneliness something awful when I was younger. I was so resentful and jealous of married couples. I hated going to church because I didn't want to see them together. That's when I started sitting in the very front pew so that I could stay focused on what was happening on the altar and not on them.

My only words of comfort: You might be lonely, but you are not alone. Millions of people feel the same way you do.

For me, the thing that "cured" it was getting older, mellower, a little wiser, and discovering that I could be fully happy as a single person. But blessed singleness does not have to be your state in life. I know it's almost cliche sounding, but volunteering really does help you to come out of yourself and focus on other people. Also, you have the time to do that now. And who knows -- maybe you'll meet someone special in the process. Even if you don't, it will be time well spent.
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#26
Don't be too envious of marrieds.  For more than you would imagine,  it is an oppressive cross of persecution.  Married couples generally don't have the luxury of having hobbies.  As a single person there is more time for travel, study, pilgrimages, works of mercy, storing up merits.  Heaven holds a high degree of glory for virgins and lifelong celibates.  But just because you are single, doesn't mean you have to be alone.  Go to mass every day.  Join Legion of Mary.  Join a bridge or cribbage club.  Find a fishing buddy.  Learn to weld, set up a wood working shop, take up a musical instrument, learn a foreign language and then get involved with that culture.  Also, there are plenty of widows/divorcees out there who can't get, or don't want an annulment, don't plan to remarry.  They are open to non-goalseeking company.  Loneliness is really just a consequence of laziness. 
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#27
(07-08-2014, 07:57 PM)Landless Laborer Wrote: Don't be too envious of marrieds.  For more than you would imagine,  it is an oppressive cross of persecution.  Married couples generally don't have the luxury of having hobbies.  As a single person there is more time for travel, study, pilgrimages, works of mercy, storing up merits.  Heaven holds a high degree of glory for virgins and lifelong celibates.  But just because you are single, doesn't mean you have to be alone.  Go to mass every day.  Join Legion of Mary.  Join a bridge or cribbage club.  Find a fishing buddy.  Learn to weld, set up a wood working shop, take up a musical instrument, learn a foreign language and then get involved with that culture.  Also, there are plenty of widows/divorcees out there who can't get, or don't want an annulment, don't plan to remarry.  They are open to non-goalseeking company.   Loneliness is really just a consequence of laziness. 

How many of these require (1) good health, (2) financial resources, or (3) reliable transportation?  I don't have any of those out here.
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#28
I do not presume to know how you feel, only that you are among friends here.  I am an introvert, and need my space, most of the time.  But I also have several very dear friends who I need to have contact with often, or I'll go nutts.

At school, I like it because I can shut myself up in my (single) dorm room, lock the door behind me, and be alone.  Then I can go to our Catholic club meetings with my friends, and it's just the right dose of socialization I need for the time.  Living in a place away from people, I can't imagine that sort of isolation.  Even in the monastery, all of the monks have their own cells, but all come together to have fellowship, and worship.

Remember that you're in good company, and that we all have each other.  Were it not for internet forums when I was a confused and isolated teenager, I don't know how I would've made it.

This helps me when I'm down. 

[video=youtube]-U3g1TzXgxM[/video]
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#29
I study things to keep my mind busy. Textbooks are a great investment.
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#30
(07-03-2014, 05:19 PM)Sunset Wrote:
(07-03-2014, 05:11 PM)LoneWolfRadTrad Wrote:
(07-03-2014, 04:57 PM)Sunset Wrote: It is hard though.  I find once you're past the college age stuff for single young adults drops off, and so much of what remains is very focused on dating.  Even parish life is hard - so often the activities seem to be focused on children or families.  I've seen one too many things where the division is "children", "men", "seniors", and "mothers".

I've never felt any desire towards married life and it so often seems even within the church there is little room for that.  Maybe a woman my age is supposed to have joined an order by now? I don't think I'm allowed to yet.

Regardless of where you should or should not be in life, go tradvert the masses.  Pun intended.

Not quite sure what that's saying?

St. Philip Neri, for example, wanted to go to India REALLY badly.  While he was in Rome, waiting to be allowed to join the Jesuits and go to India, during his time in Rome, he would do his job as a priest.  Local Roman priests didn't like it.  He did a better job than them, and without the local bishop's approval.  A sort of mini-SSPX.  :P

Preaching sermons, hearing confession, catechizing the orphans, he did it all.  After he got in trouble for it, he and a local priest proposed he continue his work as a confraternity.  <<
The Pope agreed and gave him temporary permission to offer sacraments.  A sort of trial period. 

When the Pope saw what he had accomplished, he was impressed by Father Neri.  So impressed, he offered to give him a position in the Jesuits so he could go to India.

St. Philip Neri kindly refused saying, "I found my India right here."

I'm saying you should roll with the punches, because while you work towards what you THINK is your goal, you may bump into what you may actually be meant to do, which will ultimately bring you more Christ-like joy in the long run, just as it did St. Philip Neri.
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