“Not only divorced from marriage, divorced from reality.”
#1
An essay on the ugliness of divorce.

"Yes, indeed, children are famous for for seeing through the hypocrisy of adults."

http://blog.adw.org/2014/08/not-only-div...f-divorce/
Reply
#2
I asked my daughter when she was considering divorce, is your marriage worth saving? If you hesitate even for one moment with your answer, then it’s possible the answer is yes, the marriage is worth saving.  Go with that thought.

It took two years of separation, but eventually they got back together and started over. Sometimes you have to give one another some much-needed space. Sometimes you have to WAIT. But people today don’t wait long enough to lick their wounds and heal. Patience is not exactly the virtue of the day in our quick-fix or throw-it-away culture. 
Reply
#3
(08-23-2014, 12:00 PM)SCG Wrote: I asked my daughter when she was considering divorce, is your marriage worth saving? If you hesitate even for one moment with your answer, then it’s possible the answer is yes, the marriage is worth saving.  Go with that thought.

It took two years of separation, but eventually they got back together and started over. Sometimes you have to give one another some much-needed space. Sometimes you have to WAIT. But people today don’t wait long enough to lick their wounds and heal. Patience is not exactly the virtue of the day in our quick-fix or throw-it-away culture.
Spot on!
Reply
#4
(08-23-2014, 12:03 PM)MiriamB Wrote:
(08-23-2014, 12:00 PM)SCG Wrote: I asked my daughter when she was considering divorce, is your marriage worth saving? If you hesitate even for one moment with your answer, then it’s possible the answer is yes, the marriage is worth saving.  Go with that thought.

It took two years of separation, but eventually they got back together and started over. Sometimes you have to give one another some much-needed space. Sometimes you have to WAIT. But people today don’t wait long enough to lick their wounds and heal. Patience is not exactly the virtue of the day in our quick-fix or throw-it-away culture.
Spot on!

Yup!!
Reply
#5
This article is spot on! 

I am a child of divorce.  Now that I'm an adult, I have friends who got married and are divorcing.  They post on their Facebook status about how proud they are of their "resilient" children who are constantly being shuttled between Mom's House and Dad's House.  When a parent divorces, they're told, "Your kids will be fine.  Kids are resilient."

I wasn't resilient.  I had low self esteem, depression, and even tried to kill myself in 8th grade.  Did any adult in my life stop to think that it was because I lacked a father?  no. 

I think my mom was a good mom, despite the decision she made to leave my dad.  And he was an abusive ass, still is.  She was the perfect single mom and never said a single mean thing about my father, despite the fact that she probably carried lots of anger towards him. In her own way, she did swallow her pride and carry her cross.  I don't harbor any ill will towards her.  But I do have ill will towards those who told me when I was young that it was OK that I didn't have a Dad. 

I had to be a third wheel on "dates" when my mom started dating this guy in high school.  He was also an asshole to me, and she tolerated that.  She has since sincerely apologized, but she put that relationship before the relationship she had with her daughter.

My family is FULL of lapsed Catholics who have gotten divorced and remarried.  I can't talk about my experience as a child of divorce and the hurt I carry with any of them, heaven forbid it makes them feel bad about themselves.  If I say that, I'm "judgmental."  But when I encounter kids who tell me their parents are divorced, I sometimes will ask them, "How do YOU feel about that?"  and I will tell them it is OK to feel that way. 
Reply
#6
How he talks about how divorce affects not only the children of the divorce, but other children as well really spoke to me.

Several of my husband's siblings have separated/divorced, and one has civilly remarried. Her spouse's daughter, my children consider her their cousin as she's been in the family as long as they remember. But I was trying to explain to my almost 6-year-old daughter about how that cousin is Auntie's step-daughter, and Auntie's sons are their uncle's step-sons, and that they have other parents that they sometimes see so that's why they're not always at family functions... I could tell it changed the way she understood marriage. It never previously occurred to her that people would have other parents outside of the marriage.

My father-in-law is widowed from their mom, and has remarried. They understand that Daddy's Mommy died a long time ago so their grandfather got married again to a very nice lady (who was also widowed). But the whole spouse-is-still-living thing changes it.
Reply
#7
The man my eldest daughter married 14 years ago is a nice guy. He is a loving spouse and father for the 3 kids they got until now.
He is from a divorced family and lived mainly with his mother and his brother during his youth. His mother is not well psychologically balanced, and once he made me a nice compliment, saying: " My true family, it's you ".
I think he suffered so much the divforce of his parents that he cannot consider only one second a divorce for himself.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)