What It's Like To Be a Man
#1

A different thread in this sub-forum brought to mind the fact that most women are pretty clueless about what it's like to be a man. So many women really haven't stopped to think about men's realities, and to feel what men must feel when they consider the pressures on them -- pressures to bring home the bacon, to make sure everyone in the family is fed, clothed, housed, etc., the pressure to be strong or at least show strength at all times.

What I hope men will do in this thread is to explain to women just what it FEELS like to be a man. I hope men will answer questions like the following:

What pressures do you feel as a man (note, I mean as a man in particular, not just as a human being)?

What sorts of responsibilities do you have that you think the women in your lives don't -- or that men have to a much greater degree than women do, generally speaking?

What do you hate about being a man?

What do you think is unfair or unjust about being a man?

What fears do you have that are rooted in the fact that you're a man?

What do you wish women knew about what it's like being a man?

What do the women in your life do that you wish they wouldn't do? (something that involves whatever sex roles your family's adopted, or things women do to try to help but doesn't work, or things women don't do but should be doing, etc.)

Do you think women, in general, lack understanding about what it's like to be a man? If so, does the lack of understanding turn into a lack of compassion or respect?

What do you think needs to change in terms of the law and/or social attitudes when it comes to men?

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#2
how doesit feel to be a man....

id tell you... but then id have to acknowledge i have feelings :-p
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#3
I'm not a man, but...

I grew up with a very involved father, one who loved to cook.  I think it helped him unwind after work.  And a lot of people couldn't wrap their heads around this.  His parents would cluck and say how terrible it was that he couldn't even get his wife to cook for him.  People would shake their heads on being told that he had made something for a potluck and act as though he was a liability in the kitchen.

He loved working with children as well, and he learned pretty quickly how to do little girl's hair.  I remember proudly saying as a girl of maybe 12 that dad had put my hair up (it was in some nicely done french braids) and being met with stares and laughter from people who were a minute before complimenting how well my mother had done.  And don't even get me started on the number of people that suspected him of wrongdoing because he liked working with little children!

A lot of people saw him as "whipped" for doing things he genuinely enjoyed doing, or suspected him of having some ulterior motive.  A lot of people saw his only real contribution to the family as bringing in money and setting the rules.  We were a comfortably middle class family; dad worked jobs that gave him a lot of time off and didn't expect him to stay late or come in early so he could spend more time at home.  And that often didn't get acknowledged.

I think it's still ok in many parts of society to make fun of men who enjoy things on the more domestic side of life, even in places where it wouldn't be ok to ridicule a woman for enjoying a more manly skill.  For my father's sake I'd like to see more people acknowledge a father's role as more than just a breadwinner and disciplinarian.  And for heaven's sake stop treating men as automatically under suspicion of being pedophiles!
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#4
(11-05-2014, 12:47 AM)Vox Clamantis Wrote: What I hope men will do in this thread is to explain to women just what it FEELS like to be a man. I hope men will answer questions like the following:

What pressures do you feel as a man (note, I mean as a man in particular, not just as a human being)?

I feel like there's a great deal of pressure upon me to be in a strong financial position to be even considered an adult.  If I was a woman, perhaps I wouldn't have to worry so much since I could just pick whatever guy I liked and make him worry about making money.  I live in eastern Connecticut where being financially self-sufficient is very difficult to accomplish.  I managed to buy a really nice car with cash so I finally felt grown up, but then suddenly lost 50% of my hours at work.

What sorts of responsibilities do you have that you think the women in your lives don't -- or that men have to a much greater degree than women do, generally speaking?

Financial self-sufficiency.

What do you hate about being a man?

Not being able to speak my mind about abortion simply because I'm not a woman.  Having to be the one to propose dates.  That it would look unseemly if my wife worked while I raised and homeschooled the kids (assuming I ever get married).

What do you think is unfair or unjust about being a man?


Being around kids that aren't your own makes you look creepy.  Not having the right, according to consensus, to speak against feminism or abortion.  Being afraid to give compliments to women I know (nice haircut, awesome boots, etc.).


What fears do you have that are rooted in the fact that you're a man?

Being falsely accused of sexual harassment or assault, especially involving a child.

What do you wish women knew about what it's like being a man?

That men can't have opinions but need to have lots of money and confidence.

What do the women in your life do that you wish they wouldn't do? (something that involves whatever sex roles your family's adopted, or things women do to try to help but doesn't work, or things women don't do but should be doing, etc.)


Cohabitate, go to non-Catholic churches, fornicate, wear pants, insult men.


Do you think women, in general, lack understanding about what it's like to be a man? If so, does the lack of understanding turn into a lack of compassion or respect?

First question: yes.  Second question: generally no.

What do you think needs to change in terms of the law and/or social attitudes when it comes to men?

Nothing I could propose would ever happen.
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#5
Yes, financial pressure is the main thing, I guess. And its really not just putting food on the table and all that, but its about maintaining a life style, for most women. And if the work pressure was not enough, if a guy can't do that for any reason—maybe he's just unlucky—then he is considered a bit of a loser and can even lose his family.
I think this is a deep perversion of marriage. I have no problem saying together with S. Paul that a man should give his life to his wife if just to make her more saintly. But he's not a money machine, and the wife is supposed to be the helper and not the god of the family (the same goes for kids): so she should share in the sacrifice. If things are tough she should not just leave marriage as if it were only a financial arrangement.

Besides that I think its quite pleasant to be a man. I'm not one for complaining. I wish women were more friendly and approachable, though. But that's probably a issue with me in particular.
Also, and this is not with all women but with plenty enough, I wish they would not insist in talking about issues and feelings all the time.
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#6
(11-05-2014, 01:42 AM)Sunset Wrote: I'm not a man, but...

I grew up with a very involved father, one who loved to cook.  I think it helped him unwind after work.  And a lot of people couldn't wrap their heads around this.  His parents would cluck and say how terrible it was that he couldn't even get his wife to cook for him.  People would shake their heads on being told that he had made something for a potluck and act as though he was a liability in the kitchen.

He loved working with children as well, and he learned pretty quickly how to do little girl's hair.  I remember proudly saying as a girl of maybe 12 that dad had put my hair up (it was in some nicely done french braids) and being met with stares and laughter from people who were a minute before complimenting how well my mother had done.  And don't even get me started on the number of people that suspected him of wrongdoing because he liked working with little children!

A lot of people saw him as "whipped" for doing things he genuinely enjoyed doing, or suspected him of having some ulterior motive.  A lot of people saw his only real contribution to the family as bringing in money and setting the rules.  We were a comfortably middle class family; dad worked jobs that gave him a lot of time off and didn't expect him to stay late or come in early so he could spend more time at home.  And that often didn't get acknowledged.

I think it's still ok in many parts of society to make fun of men who enjoy things on the more domestic side of life, even in places where it wouldn't be ok to ridicule a woman for enjoying a more manly skill.  For my father's sake I'd like to see more people acknowledge a father's role as more than just a breadwinner and disciplinarian.  And for heaven's sake stop treating men as automatically under suspicion of being pedophiles!

I think I love your Pops! He sounds like a major sweetheart! He reminds me of my brother, my Pops, and an Uncle I had: just GREAT with kids, and kids love(d) them back (my Dad and Uncle are in Heaven now, pray God). My brother is THE BEST babysitter I know -- actually, he's a veritable "nanny" to my grandson. And he wouldn't harm a fly, let alone a child (and, BTW, he's heterosexual, and masculine -- very protective of me, for ex., a true gentleman, the kind of guy who can fix anything around the house, a former hod carrier who did HARD physical labor like a dog, etc.).

The way people react to men who enjoy the company of and spend time with children disgusts me to no end. Dark Lancer mentioned this problem as well. It's a tragedy, and I'm not being hyperbolic. Kids NEED men - kids of both sexes need men in their lives, but especially little boys. They NEED that! But just as too many mothers and teachers and social policies are feminizing men in general, and just as there's a plethora of women-led, fatherless households, men who have so much to give to kids are looked at as if there's something wrong with them if they just dig kids. Makes me sick! (As an aside, I might be one of the few who believes that Michael Jackson was not a pedophile. I think he was a very child-like man who was deprived of a childhood of his own, a man who truly loved children, and that the company of children allowed him to just be himself and not "a star". And I say that knowing he even had sleepovers. In my heart of hearts, I think it was all innocent, and the charges against him -- that had no evidence to back them up, IIRC -- were from people who wanted his money. I think he was abused himself as a child, was raised in the insane world of show-biz, was taken advantage of by so many on all sides, and came to see children as just pure little people who wanted nothing from him, and around whom he could just relax and have fun, ya know?)

But anyway, whatever the deal with Michael (about whom I could be totally wrong), I know for a fact that there are lots of guys out there who are just great with children and who love them and it's pure and beautiful. There is such filth in the minds of people who'd look at such a man and think ugly things.

God bless your Pops, Sunset!
 
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#7
(11-05-2014, 12:58 AM)Chestertonian Wrote: how doesit feel to be a man....

id tell you... but then id have to acknowledge i have feelings :-p

:P  It's just us, Chester! We won't tell anyone! :P

Seriously, I'd love your input. I think these questions are so important. I very much want to heal the ugliness between the sexes, and most definitely believe that most women just don't have a clue as to what men's lives are like, what their fears are, what pressures they feel...

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#8
(11-05-2014, 02:42 AM)dark lancer Wrote: What do you think needs to change in terms of the law and/or social attitudes when it comes to men?

Nothing I could propose would ever happen.

It will never happen if no one knows about it! Can't hurt to relate what you wish would change, DL...

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#9
(11-05-2014, 03:15 AM)Renatus Frater Wrote: Yes, financial pressure is the main thing, I guess. And its really not just putting food on the table and all that, but its about maintaining a life style, for most women. And if the work pressure was not enough, if a guy can't do that for any reason—maybe he's just unlucky—then he is considered a bit of a loser and can even lose his family.

You mind expanding on this part of what you wrote, RF? Are you saying that men have a fear of, say, getting fired -- and then losing his family on top of that since he's no longer bringing in the money? How much of a psychological pressure is that to you, or to most men, in your opinion? What do men do with that fear? Are there times when that fear is felt most acutely? What could women do to ease that sort of pressure?

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#10
As a disabled man I feel like a child. There's an urge to go out, earn a living, get married, raise children and protect your family. Instead I'm stuck living with my parents with no clue what I'll do when they die. It's hard not to feel as a child when all your life woman treat you as one, not even considering you as someone they would seriously date. Feeling like Peter Pan I don't think God is calling me to marriage. What can an overgrown child do to raise godly children? What woman in modern society would want to marry an overgrown child who can't even do simple daily chores?

Sometimes it feels like the only way to feel manly is if a women acknowledges that you are one. When none will even treat you as such it is hard to feel like a man.
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