What It's Like To Be a Man
#21
I don't intend to complain or ask that this situation be changed, but I want to point out that women have a far greater range of acceptable behaviours than men do, and rarely seem to understand this. I don't just mean socially acceptable in the sense of varying by culture, I mean something more essential to gender as well; that is, there are fewer ways to objectively act masculine than there are to objectively act feminine. Part of this is that it's broadly acceptable for women to retain (innocuous) childhood behaviours into adulthood, while it isn't for men, but there's far more to it.
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#22
(11-05-2014, 10:43 AM)Oldavid Wrote:
(11-05-2014, 09:55 AM)ThomasTheDoubter Wrote: I'm not saying that all women are the same, but I thought this thread was so men can tell women what it's like to be a man. I thought it was important to draw attention to the fact that men want to be treated as men. Maybe your experience is different but it hurts me to be treated like an immature child.
Sorry, I thought I was talking to a man.

Okay, just got your joke. Sorry I don't often talk about these things, so I misunderstood you.

Carry on then.
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#23
(11-05-2014, 11:26 AM)ThomasTheDoubter Wrote:
(11-05-2014, 10:43 AM)Oldavid Wrote:
(11-05-2014, 09:55 AM)ThomasTheDoubter Wrote: I'm not saying that all women are the same, but I thought this thread was so men can tell women what it's like to be a man. I thought it was important to draw attention to the fact that men want to be treated as men. Maybe your experience is different but it hurts me to be treated like an immature child.
Sorry, I thought I was talking to a man.

Okay, just got your joke. Sorry I don't often talk about these things, so I misunderstood you.

Carry on then.
No joke, Tommo.

If the fine women who are helping you think that you are a child they will nurture you as if you were a child... that's the nature of the womanish thing. Certainly nothing to be despised.
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#24
Are you suggesting that real men are some machismo people who don't have feelings, never talk about them, or act like they have no vulnerability? This always seemed to me to be a stereotype created by television and movies.
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#25
It feels pretty bad to be a man in this day and age. There's no real place for us in society, except as economic units who generate money for women. Yes, even the un-married only exist to generate money, and the motivation of that is to use it to woo women -because if you don't, you're a loser. It's really hard to get a girl as well, because of hypergamy. Women can get their pick of any man they'd like, really.
Men have a lot more to worry about in life. A woman can go from her parents house, to her husbands without having any real pressure to do anything with her life. They don't really have to worry about being homeless, being alone, being physically attacked. Yes, I know women these days seem to have a hysteria about rape, but that's extremely rare and not something they have to worry about in most situations. If you're a man from a city then you have to be open to the possibility that you could get into a fight every time you leave your house.
A homeless woman? Sure it happens, but who do you think is going to get more pity? There's just more options available to women. Alone? There's always at least one man who will look after her.

Also, there's no security for men. There's no job security, and there's no marriage security. Most women don't even want to get married -at least not until they're past child-bearing age and their looks are gone. If we work hard all our lives to woo that special woman, she could get bored and leave us for Chad -taking the kids with her and half of our stuff.

We don't have any authority. We can't be proper husbands, because we're all equal now and no one person can make decisions. If we disagree we just move on to a new partner. We can't be fathers because of the same reason. Men are 'too vulgar' to be parents. We're idiots who don't love enough, apparently. We can't be bosses in work-places, because they're now overrun with women, who prefer egalitarian structures. So we end up with 50-odd managers in a work place and nothing gets done.

It's hard even to come onto a woman these days, because you can just get labeled a creep or even worse a rapist.

It just feels like there's absolutely no purpose for us in today's society. There's no reason for us to exist. It's a horrible feeling and i honestly don't see the point in life most of the time. I'm not some fedora-tipping MRA or anything. I hate those guys, but I'm pretty pissed at my prospects as a young man. God is the only one that gets me through it.
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#26
(11-05-2014, 12:03 PM)ThomasTheDoubter Wrote: Are you suggesting that real men are some machismo people who don't have feelings, never talk about them, or act like they have no vulnerability? This always seemed to me to be a stereotype created by television and movies.
I really don't know what you're on about. Can't a man be a man without blubbering about his many trials and grieves in some sort of public confessional? There are things that you must bear and wear. Do you suppose that good ole Uncle Sam will carry you from cradle to grave wrapped in cotton wool?
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#27
Good point.  No disagreements here.
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#28
Wow, I could have saved myself all that typing and editing and just typed the last line of my post.
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#29
For me, one of the hardest things in the world about being a man, is learning how to be one. My father - while I have no doubt he loved me and did his best to raise me - was simply not prepared to teach me what it is to be a man. Unfortunately, he suffers from either a serious bi-polar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or both. Combine this with the fact that he very much believed in the traditional Mexican machismo view of masculinity, and you get a mess. He was absolutely terrible to my mother all of my life, and justified this by asserting that "He is the man and head of the household." What is more, he was self-centered and could not possibly understand that people outside of his mind have their own feelings, desires, and needs. He absolutely had no respect for males who were not interested in sports or what he considered "manly pursuits," and for all of these reasons, I had a difficult time liking or respecting him very much. He and I never had a good relationship because he never saw me conforming to what a man should be (I was not into sports or fishing at all because I found them terribly boring). He simply could not understand that a person can exhibit manly fortitude without being a machismo guy who loves sports and hunting, and he had no understanding that masculinity can be expressed through various modalities.

As a consequence, I never really had a good role model for manliness, and as a result I struggled all through my twenties, trying to find myself and learn what it means to be a man and not merely a boy. Eventually I started to look at the examples provided by our Lord Jesus Christ, St. Joseph, St. Padre Pio, etc, and this helped. But I sill do not quite feel comfortable in my own skin. Masculine straight men still intimidate me to some degree, even though I don't show it on the outside. While I try to present myself as Mr. Confident on the outside, on the inside I am still unsure of myself. I am almost certain that the reasons for my struggles with SSA are my relationship with my dad and the manner in which I reacted to that relationship.
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#30
(11-05-2014, 10:22 AM)Vox Clamantis Wrote:
(11-05-2014, 09:55 AM)ThomasTheDoubter Wrote: I'm not saying that all women are the same, but I thought this thread was so men can tell women what it's like to be a man. I thought it was important to draw attention to the fact that men want to be treated as men. Maybe your experience is different but it hurts me to be treated like an immature child.

Are you referring to that sort of annoying, sing-songy tone some women take when dealing with little kids,*** old people, and sick people? That sort of condescending "OK, hon, let's get you sat up now, OKaaaay?" -- all coupled with their doing things "for" you or to you that you didn't ask for and don't want? That condescension that says pretty loudly and clearly, "You're Patient (or Old Person, or what have you), not a Real Human Being, and this is how we talk to Patients" thing that pervades in hospitals, nursing homes (especially!), and among preschool teachers?

If that's what you're talking about, it happens to women, too. I imagine, though, that the psychological effects of that would by a lot worse for men, generally speaking.


*** Mind you, I think it's natural to talk that way to little kids. In fact, it's pretty universal, and is good for kids. It's called "Motherese" and it helps kids learn language when it's spoken like that --  over-pronounced, repeated, in a high voice, in sing-song, etc. People talk that way to animals, too (I do anyway LOL). But some folks overdo it -- and do it to kids who've outgrown the need for it. But when it's done to grown-ass humans, it's --- I hate it.
will write more later when i

but I do hate patronizing tones it id why I sometimes prefer male care givers

i don't thibk we need to play the c"ehohaa has is worse+game... Being disabled is a challenge no matter gender..  i know women who hate the preschool voic

i have been in rehab facilities and adult day care. M.the latter which is patronizing by its very name

one thing I noticed in adult day care was some of the disabled wome were talked down to more than men.. i became friends with with a young lay with adbanced muscular dystroph.. She joked about how she was going to make a t shirt that said., "actually iam not retarded




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