Wanna hear a joke?
Q: How many Baptists should you take with you on a fishing trip?
A: Two.  If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer!


Wherever there are four Baptists, there's always a fifth!


A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."  After the vendor gives the monk the hot dog, the monk pays, but the vendor doesn't give him change.  The monk asks why, and the vendor replies, "Change must come from within."
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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Man walks up to a Jesuit and says, "Father, is it true that Jesuits always answer questions with another question?" The priest answers, "Who told you that?" Big Grin
"Not only are we all in the same boat, but we are all seasick.” --G.K. Chesterton
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A Franciscan gets a haircut and asks the barber what he owes.  The barber, being a devout Catholic, replies that he doesn't charge clergy.  The Franciscan thanks him, goes home, and the next day sends the barber a basket of muffins made in the monastery's kitchen.

A Dominican gets a haircut from the same barber, asks what he owes, and is told the barber doesn't charge clergy.  So the Dominican thanks the barber, goes home, and next day sends the barber a nice bottle of wine.

A Jesuit gets a haircut from the same barber, and the barber tells him he doesn't charge clergy.  The Jesuit thanks him, goes home, and shows up the next day with a dozen other Jesuits.




A Jesuit and a Dominican were good friends and heavy smokers who found it tough to pray for long periods without stopping prayer to have a cigarette.  So they decided to ask their superiors for permission to smoke.  The next time they met, the Dominican was upset.  He said to his friend, "I asked for permission to smoke while praying, and was told no."  The Franciscan replied, "I asked if I could pray while I smoke.  He said "Of course.""
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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A Franciscan, a Jesuit, and a Dominican are killed in a car crash, and find themselves at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter ushers them into God's throne room.

The Lord asks the Franciscan, "Son of St. Francis, approach and be judged."  The Franciscan step forward and drops to his knees.  "What do you believe?", asks God.  The Franciscan, trembling, says, "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible."  God says, "Well spoken, you may proceed into heaven."

The Lord then beckons to the Dominican and asks him, "Son of St. Dominic, approach and be judged."  The Dominican steps forward, and drops to his knees, trembling in awe.  God asks, "What do you believe?"   The Dominican replies, "I believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God."  God says, "Well spoken, you may proceed into heaven."

The Lord then asks the Jesuit, "Son of St. Ignatius, approach and be judged.  The Jesuit steps forward, marveling at the enormity and splendor of God's throne.  The Lord asks him, "What do you believe?"  The Jesuit looks up and says, "I believe you're sitting in my seat..."
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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[Image: lowes-taking-the-guess-work-out-of-stori...683742.png]
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
[-] The following 1 user Likes Jeeter's post:
  • dahveed
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So Mr and Mrs Cat went to buy a new self-cleaning oven one day. When they got there Mrs Cat started carefully inspecting the stove. She look around the burners then around the back, inside the oven, even took out the racks. Mr Cat was watching this show intently when Mrs Cat finished, and he asked, well what do you think, will it do? Mrs Cat answered, i don't know, I looked it over top to bottom and never did find a tongue.


Oh, where are the snows of yesteryear!
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(02-03-2019, 12:39 AM)Blind Horus Wrote:  I looked it over top to bottom and never did find a tongue.

Now, that is funny!
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


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(01-28-2019, 02:10 PM)Jeeter Wrote: A Jesuit and a Dominican were good friends and heavy smokers who found it tough to pray for long periods without stopping prayer to have a cigarette.  So they decided to ask their superiors for permission to smoke.  The next time they met, the Dominican was upset.  He said to his friend, "I asked for permission to smoke while praying, and was told no."  The Franciscan replied, "I asked if I could pray while I smoke.  He said "Of course.""

Where did the Franciscan come from?  LOL
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


[-] The following 1 user Likes jovan66102's post:
  • Jeeter
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(02-03-2019, 03:11 AM)jovan66102 Wrote:
(01-28-2019, 02:10 PM)Jeeter Wrote: A Jesuit and a Dominican were good friends and heavy smokers who found it tough to pray for long periods without stopping prayer to have a cigarette.  So they decided to ask their superiors for permission to smoke.  The next time they met, the Dominican was upset.  He said to his friend, "I asked for permission to smoke while praying, and was told no."  The Franciscan replied, "I asked if I could pray while I smoke.  He said "Of course.""

Where did the Franciscan come from?  LOL

Must have been a product of my ADHSQUIRREL!!! Sticking tongue out at you
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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A busload of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"


The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


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