Finding a spouse
#1

I'm in college and my search for a girl has been stifled so many times. I've met trad girls and I had high hopes but I get told that she already has a boyfriend. This has given me temptations to question the ban on polygamy where spouses are shared. Those girls mentioned above are effectively unavailable because of this. The girls that do like me are liberal and with the spirit of the world. I want to marry bad . my hormones are raging. 


Please give me advice. Explain this to me.
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#2
Traditional Singles

I've heard good things about them.
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#3
(08-10-2015, 01:15 PM)love alabama Wrote: I'm in college and my search for a girl has been stifled so many times. I've met trad girls and I had high hopes but I get told that she already has a boyfriend. This has given me temptations to question the ban on polygamy where spouses are shared. Those girls mentioned above are effectively unavailable because of this. The girls that do like me are liberal and with the spirit of the world. I want to marry bad . my hormones are raging. 


Please give me advice. Explain this to me.

Devote yourself to growing in holiness, to completing your education, to securing stable employment. Do what you can on your end to prepare yourself for your vocation. When the time is right, God will guide you to the woman he has intended for you. Also, pray for that person- whoever they are.
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#4
Hell, it's no wonder the trad girls are shooting you down. You're asking them out like some Novus Ordo-going girly man. You've got to court them the traditional way:
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#5
I suggest that you look for a woman who would be a good wife and a loving mother.  Being a traditional Catholic does not guarantee either.  In fact, it may come with its own problems.

Broaden your search to Catholic young ladies who attend Mass every week. 

Pray to SS. Joachim and Ann.

And trust God's providence.
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#6
@love alabama: Your name may mislead me, but if you do live in the South, take heart: if you do find a good Catholic gal in the area, chances are that she will be a beauty as well. As someone who grew up on the West Coast, has visited the Northeast, and now lives in the South, I can say that I have not seen prettier girls (especially those dark haired Louisiana gals---geaux Tigers!) anywhere else in this country.

This may sound like a flippant comment to make, and I accept that it is, but, hey, a pretty gal, just like a homely one, can be holy, and you can love pretty just like you can love homely--if not better. Given that we, as men, are, primarily, visually-oriented, we find it easier to love the beautiful than the homely. Interestingly, St. Thomas Aquinas reminds us, "The essence of virtue consists in the good rather than in the difficult" (Summa Theologica, II, II, 123 ad 2). Also, he writes, "Not everything that is difficult is necessarily more meritorious; it must be more difficult in such a way that it is at the same time good in a yet higher way" (Ibid, II, II, 27 ad 2). In other words, if a woman's beauty makes it easier to lover her, no there is no inherent lack of virtue in such love. After all, you might as well have someone lovely to gaze upon as you tune her out while she complains.

(*Now offending nightly with Donald Trump!*)

(And you now see why I am still single...)
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#7
Tee hee--"love her," not "lover her." However, I do like what I mistyped. (I blame the Bulleit Bourbon.)

Lovelorn One: You can't believe how much I love her.

Lovelorn Two: Whoa, back off, dude--I lover her more than you ever will.

Lovelorn One: I concede: your brilliant comparative use of a verb has convinced me of the power and authenticity of your love.

Lovelorn Two: She has a sister...
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#8
I'm not against pretty, but remember that MARRIAGE IS UNTIL DEATH!! Pretty will most likely not survive until the actual physical death of the spouse.

Anyway, St. Paul does says its better to marry than to burn. But thinking over that its more reasonable that he means folks who have natural inclination towards the opposite sex that is not coupled with a special vocation to the priesthood or the religious life. So, you know, don't go after some toy you may use with the blessing of Holy Mother Church. If you're attached to mortal sin, deal with it first (not saying you are, just throwing it out there for you or anyone else reading).



Dear Lord! CP, that's the weirdest thing ever.
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#9
(08-10-2015, 01:15 PM)love alabama Wrote: I'm in college and my search for a girl has been stifled so many times. I've met trad girls and I had high hopes but I get told that she already has a boyfriend. This has given me temptations to question the ban on polygamy where spouses are shared. Those girls mentioned above are effectively unavailable because of this. The girls that do like me are liberal and with the spirit of the world. I want to marry bad . my hormones are raging. 


Please give me advice. Explain this to me.

I think Clare might have a point. Branch out some, staying in the Catholic world, of course. You might meet a wonderful, saintly-minded, fun, and even gorgeous Catholic girl who's "Novus Ordo" but whom you might be able to teach so she embraces Tradition.

As to women in general, I'm big on getting Catholic men to learn a little about "game." Doing so typically involves going to some pretty nasty-minded, secular sites where true misogyny ("true" because that word is so overused) reins, and where most of the guys' goals are to bed as many women as possible. If you're able to sift through all that ugly stuff, look at the meat of what they're saying with regard to dealing with and talking to women -- ignoring the real misogyny and put-downs of women's intellects, etc. 

I think having some basic principles in mind can help a guy, especially: 1) don't put women on a pedestal and treat them as better than you, as something you need lest you fall apart emotionally. Being an emotional puss is the absolutely worst thing you can be in a relationship, 2) learn how to pass women's (necessary and pre-consciously put out) "shit tests"; 3) never let a woman get the upper hand on you in terms of emotional power (but do that with respect, honesty, appreciation for her intellect, gifts, etc.), 4) in general, talk to women in a "big brotherly" sort of way, with gentle teasing and tons of humor 5) be physically protective of women without being condescending, 6) have firm boundaries, 7) be confident, 8) learn body language, 9) have expectations of her and don't give her emotionally what she doesn't give you twice as much, 10) know that women need emotional validation in a big way. If they're upset, they don't want their problems fixed; they want to be HEARD, to be allowed to cry and vent. Know what to do in that situation, 11) (for when you marry) know what you're doing in bed and be not just masterly but masterful about it while also being very concerned about her pleasure (don't make the mistake too many religious people make by ignoring sex and treating women as sexless)

Looks also count for something in both sexes. If you don't work out, start. (the lovely thing about all that sort of thing, though, is that once you're truly in love, looks begin to not matter so much after all. If a woman loves a man, or a man loves a woman, and the beloved's face gets clawed off by a chimp, the beloved will still be "the most beautiful person in the world" to the lover. Ain't love grand? But looks count for initial attraction, getting attention, etc.)

BTW, at "game" sites, you'll often read that "chicks dig jerks." Not true for the most part (there are exceptions to every rule, o' course. A few women are addicted to the adrenaline of being around a dangerous "bad boy," just as some guys are into sky-diving. KWIM?). Most chicks -- healthy women, anyway -- want strong men who will use their power to protect them and love them. They don't want to be able to lead a man around by the nose -- that's the key. Be good and kind -- but take no crap and mind the above principles.

That's my secular advice.

My spiritual advice is to stay prayed-up, stay close to Jesus, and receive the Sacraments. And work to better yourself as a human being and a man. Be interesting by being interested in things. Get some new hobbies. Learn stuff. Just keep growing as a child of God, a human being, and as a masculine, interesting person.
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#10
(08-10-2015, 01:15 PM)love alabama Wrote: I'm in college and my search for a girl has been stifled so many times. I've met trad girls and I had high hopes but I get told that she already has a boyfriend. This has given me temptations to question the ban on polygamy where spouses are shared. Those girls mentioned above are effectively unavailable because of this. The girls that do like me are liberal and with the spirit of the world. I want to marry bad . my hormones are raging. 


Please give me advice. Explain this to me.

Here's my advice. Forget marriage if you value your sanity. Is it really just your hormones or is there something else going on that may be putting you in this state of mind? I have a hard time digesting a suggestion of polygamy out of simple frustration due to a lack of decent ladies. As a married guy, trust me when I say the 5 seconds of involuntary muscle contractions is hardly worth risking your dignity over.
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