Moving out...how do you soften the blow for a parent?
#11
One idea (only if it feels SAFE for you) would be to continue to ignore, etc. as others have suggested, but also to show small acts of kindness and love each day.

Things like:

Taking care of a chore she would normally do
Buying a trinket or treat and leaving it under her pillow
Leaving a little notes with messages like: I love you! / I will miss you but you'll still be in my heart. / I'm thankful for "this memory" /  I'll only be a phone call away (again if only you feel safe with that) / I'm grateful you taught me "this"/  etc.

Again, keeping your boundaries, but showing love.  But don't expect any rewards or anything in return.  It's basically like following the St. Francis prayer.
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#12
Those are very sweet suggestions, Sacred Heart lover. Thank you very much! Smile
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#13
Edited by poster
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#14
I'm sorry it's gotten so bad.  Aww, there now

"The relations is set to self-destruct."

Sometimes relationships have to be broken down so they can be rebuilt on a stronger foundation.

Here's the thing:

Just as you can't negotiate with a terrorist, you can't reason with someone who is mentally/emotionally out of it and being unreasonable.

She doesn't want to understand anything and won't understand anything in her present state.

So you need to respond to her statements about killing herself or locking you in the garage like this:

"Mom, I love you.  But if you threaten to harm me or harm yourself I will have to call 911."

Be sure you follow through with that statement.

In fact, I suggest you right a note with that statement on it and leave it for her and then disappear for a while.

Make all communication very, very short and to the point and then,  AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT walk away. 

DO NOT DISCUSS IT!  Do not respond to her.  Walk away.

Go to your room. 

Be prepared to go to a hotel if necessary or a friends'.

She is not in her right mind right now, and I'm not saying anything will happen, but you need to be prepared with a plan of escape if it does.

I would advise you to leave right now, but I understand you need that document and are probably worried what she'll do with it right?

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, engage in any kind of futile discussions with her because they will only escalate. 

Don't ask her how she will do something because there is no lock...etc.  She is not rational right now and cannot engage in a rational discussion.

I'm sure she is emotionally distraught and has many hurtful memories that are causing her to act this way, so DON'T TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY. 

She is feeling like her whole world has come to an end and can't see the possibilities that wait for her in life and that she's responsible for her own happiness.

She will have the opportunity to try all kinds of new things...etc.  But she just can't see any of that. She is in a black tunnel.

You are not responsible for her happiness.

But don't say anything to her about that right now!

If you have done anything wrong, then ask forgiveness, (in note form) otherwise don't take any of it personally.

Also, I would get holy water and blessed salt and sprinkle them daily.

Plus these prayers from Father Ripperger are very powerful:
http://www.auxiliumchristianorum.org/dailyprayers.pdf

You need to become a non-emotional, grey rock that is dull, smooth and uninteresting.  Express no verbal or physical emotions.  Speak in a monotone with one sentence and then leave the room.  Do not slam doors or anything if you feel tempted.

If you find you are able to stay, you can do the loving "kisses" as I mentioned above from a safe distance.

That means, short, one sentence, notes.

She can't process much right now so don't overload her.

I'm praying for you and and your Mom.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help, or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.

I ask Our Lady to rebuke all evil thoughts inflicting pain upon dear In His Love's Mom in the name of Jesus Christ.
I ask her to bind those thoughts with the crown of thorns of Jesus.
I ask her to cover them with the precious blood of Jesus.
I ask her to cast those thoughts out to the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of all.
I ask her Spouse, the Holy Spirit, to replace those thoughts with hope, encouragement, love and fortitude!

St. Michael the Archangel
Defend us in battle
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
May God rebuke him we humbly pray
And do thou o prince of the Heavenly Host
By the power of God
Cast into Hell, satan and all the evil spirits
Who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls
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#15
Sacred Heart Lover's advice is well thought out and well presented.  I highly recommend following it.  Indeed, the idea that she is expressing a wish to die is not good.  The threats to you are likewise problematic but less concerning since I have a weird feeling she is not physically capable of following through on them.  I would write it down along with when and where she said it and begin to keep a diary of these kinds of statements.  It may help you to help her should she end up in a mental health facility. 

Why is your boyfriend willing to pay for a ticket for your mom?  I thought the point of all of this was for you to get away from her . . .  In any case, I would recommend that she not tag along at all.  You need to establish your position as an independent adult.  That can't be done with mom in tow.
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#16
I'll comment on some of these other things in a moment, but:

(07-23-2016, 10:14 AM)Fontevrault Wrote: Why is your boyfriend willing to pay for a ticket for your mom?  I thought the point of all of this was for you to get away from her . . .  In any case, I would recommend that she not tag along at all.  You need to establish your position as an independent adult.  That can't be done with mom in tow.

That's a fair point, especially since I was really bothered with her reaction...she didn't exactly act grateful. The plan was that I was going to get a one way ticket and my mom possibly would get a round-trip one.
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#17
(07-23-2016, 03:02 PM)In His Love Wrote: That's a fair point, especially since I was really bothered with her reaction...she didn't exactly act grateful. The plan was that I was going to get a one way ticket and my mom possibly would get a round-trip one.

Well, I wouldn't encourage this one at all.  If she can't behave now, she will not be well behaved on the trip and will only make this change that much harder. 
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#18
(07-23-2016, 05:12 PM)Fontevrault Wrote:
(07-23-2016, 03:02 PM)In His Love Wrote: That's a fair point, especially since I was really bothered with her reaction...she didn't exactly act grateful. The plan was that I was going to get a one way ticket and my mom possibly would get a round-trip one.

Well, I wouldn't encourage this one at all.  If she can't behave now, she will not be well behaved on the trip and will only make this change that much harder.

Very good point.
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#19
I am betting you are thinking "why does this have to be so hard?!?!"  Right?  I'm so sorry it is so hard.
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#20
(07-23-2016, 05:30 PM)Fontevrault Wrote: I am betting you are thinking "why does this have to be so hard?!?!"  Right?  I'm so sorry it is so hard.
It is definitely very hard when her moods are bad, especially when I miss my boyfriend so much and just want to be in New York so we can spend time together in person. Thank you so much for your support. Sacred Heart lover, thank you very much as well.  Love

I feel like she has some sort of mental illness like Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'm not a psychiatrist. I'll try to just keep to myself when she has her mood swings, speak briefly and in a monotone, etc.
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