(Urgent) Confession help
#1
Help me please I'm begging anyone. I am scrupulous so it's hard for me to think but I really want to reconcile with God more than anything. I finally have a chance to go to confession soon after a year and this is really urgent please!

Are these sins? (Sorry if they are graphic)

1st is I had this impure dream, and I tried to remember it, when it was there..I removed it from my mind after seconds. Venial or Mortal?

2nd, are impure thoughts still impure if they did not contain sexual arousal (sorry) or private images? I was watching something and someone made a homosexual joke, my mind was messed up so I deliberately thought of how this guy wants the other guy and gained a pleasure thing in my mind but I did not think of any sexual part, it disgusts me. So could it still be lust if no sexual feeling were involved? Do I have to confess to homosexual thoughts? Mortally?

3rd
I was watching something (wasnt porn) and it showed revealing stuff, I kept watching while fighting any arousal. Even if they were there I fought and fought. But still watched.

4th
I was wearing pants but realized they were too tight, I still stepped out and walked ( not impurely) wanting to gain attention from it impurely( the thought lasted for 4 seconds) and then I trashed it, it wasn't like me and its the first time I've done that.
Was that a thought only or an action?
5th
If something bad happened to someone and I liked it then canceled the thought..what is it?

And just out of curiosity and knowledge, what changes the nature of an impure thought? Does pedophilia change it? (I'm against it btw)

That's all..I know I need a good spiritual advisor but for now..please..were these probably mortal or venial based on what you've read? Thank you so much and I'm really excited to be reconciled with God but scared of the priest too.
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#2
(04-14-2017, 02:15 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: Are these sins? (Sorry if they are graphic)

1st is I had this impure dream, and I tried to remember it, when it was there..I removed it from my mind after seconds. Venial or Mortal?
Trying to remember dreams sometimes just comes from wanting to know where the heck it came from (in the case of super random dreams). Also, when you're trying to remember it when it was there, it's often in that moment when you're still groggy from sleep, and that plays into the "full consent of the will" component for mortal sin. If there was any sin here, it's venial.

Memorize this: "Anytime I have to ask myself if a sin was mortal or venial, if it was a sin at all, it's venial."

(04-14-2017, 02:15 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: 2nd, are impure thoughts still impure if they did not contain sexual arousal (sorry) or private images? I was watching something and someone made a homosexual joke, my mind was messed up so I deliberately thought of how this guy wants the other guy and gained a pleasure thing in my mind but I did not think of any sexual part, it disgusts me. So could it still be lust if no sexual feeling were involved? Do I have to confess to homosexual thoughts? Mortally?
To quote Vox here, "Keep your mind away from the genitals and you're good to go with regard to lust." Impure thoughts are only mortal when you want them, completely, don't make any attempt to shoo them away, and actively think on them. This is different from getting an impure thought as you're going to sleep or waking up or getting one out of nowhere and it comes back over and over while you're trying to get rid of it. Think of it like a movie. If you have a scene pop into your head, you can try to turn it off. If you play it and watch it with your full attention and maybe even rewind it and replay it, when you know you aren't supposed to, that's when it becomes a mortal sin. Also, we can get all kinds of thoughts when someone says something. The important thing is not to get caught up in concern, ie, "This came into my mind and it's wrong," while focusing on the fact that it came in, not the fact that it was unwanted or shooed away or the fact that you didn't want to be involved in sin (that's evident from your post). Here's the problem with that:

I don't want you to think about penguins.

Especially not penguins with party hats.

More than likely, you thought of one or both of those things. Our mind makes thoughts associated with what other people say. Sins are in the will, not in spontaneity.

As for whether or not it's mortal, see the first part of my message.

(04-14-2017, 02:15 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: 3rd
I was watching something (wasnt porn) and it showed revealing stuff, I kept watching while fighting any arousal. Even if they were there I fought and fought. But still watched.

I think this is more of a prudence thing. The fact that you fought shows a lack of full consent. If you find that this show regularly gets you bothered, so to speak, I would avoid it. Even when things aren't porn, we need to practice custody of the eyes. If you're watching it in order to lust, that's a problem and the lust would need to be confessed. If you don't think or don't know if you lusted, don't mention it in Confession. Arousal is only sinful when it's actively desired or excessively enjoyed outside of marriage. Tons of things can cause an unwanted reaction. That doesn't mean you're going out of your way to cause the arousal. See the difference? 

(04-14-2017, 02:15 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: I was wearing pants but realized they were too tight, I still stepped out and walked ( not impurely) wanting to gain attention from it impurely( the thought lasted for 4 seconds) and then I trashed it, it wasn't like me and its the first time I've done that.
Was that a thought only or an action?

I think the question lies more in, "Why is this happening" than, "Was that a thought only or an action?" We can sin mortally in our thoughts and our actions, so I don't think that's the problem. We can mortally sin in our will without committing any action. For example, if I were to drive to someone's house with the intention of breaking into it and taking their TV, I've already sinned mortally, even if the police are outside when I get to that house and I go home without breaking in at all. Temptations that are attractive are not the same thing as this. You have to be taking concrete steps toward the sin, not simply considering it. It's only mortal when you get to a point where you've stopped fighting the temptation and have determined that you are going to commit the sin.

(04-14-2017, 02:15 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: If something bad happened to someone and I liked it then canceled the thought..what is it?

And just out of curiosity and knowledge, what changes the nature of an impure thought? Does pedophilia change it? (I'm against it btw)

Cancelling a thought shows a lack of consent. Reactions and sins are two different things.

Take anger, for example. Anger takes many forms. If it's righteous anger, there's no sin (for example, anger at so many babies being aborted). If you fail a test you studied really hard for, frustration is understandable. If you see bad blood between family members, frustration is understandable.

However, if someone does you wrong and then you think about hurting them really badly to get even, then it's extreme anger, which is potentially a mortal sin. Extreme anger is when you want to seriously injure or kill someone.

As for impure thoughts, I think it depends. Normally, "I had lustful thoughts" or, "I had impure thoughts" suffices in Confession. If you're married and are lusting after someone, I would mention that to safeguard against temptations to adultery.

Also, please don't be afraid of the priest! The priest is acting in the person of Christ. He isn't there to judge or condemn; God works through him to pardon you.

As for your scruples, here are some resources I would highly recommend you read and listen to when you have the time:

Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous by Fr. Don Miller and amended by Fr. Thomas Santa
https://www.fisheaters.com/scruples.html

Catholic Answers Live: Scrupulosity with Fr. Paul Keller
https://www.catholic.com/audio/cal/5807

Catholic Answers Live: Countering Scrupulosity, also with Fr. Paul Keller
https://www.catholic.com/audio/cal/4806

Try your best not to seek assurance about the nature of your sins. If you don't absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you committed a mortal sin, you didn't. If you're uncertain, rest in the peace of the Lord and keep going. When you need to go to Confession, you'll know.

I hope this helps. :)
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#3
Hi Chelsea

I suffer from scrupulousity too (I have obsessive compulsive disorder). I didn't receive Holy Communion today at the Good Friday service, even though I don't think I actually committed any mortal sins.

Having a good spiritual advisor cannot be stated enough. Make sure you find a priest who is relatively orthodox/traditional (I've come across a couple of bad priests in the confessional). Find one priest and try to stick to confessing to him, if possible. Tell him that you're scrupulous.
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#4
Thank you!!! Thank you so much!! You guys have really helped me God bless you! I guess I was really being scrupulous! I'd confess one of them but the rest I've realized was out of ocd too. If I can think that they were actually venial..then mortal..then venial..then will that mean I probably didn't know for sure that it's venial?

Lastly, does that mean as long as arousal and genitals aren't involved, it wasn't an impure thought with lust? I'm quite paranoid with what I felt about the homosexual joke, I cpukdn understand. I am straight though!
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#5
(04-14-2017, 08:39 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: Lastly, does that mean as long as arousal and genitals aren't involved, it wasn't an impure thought with lust? I'm quite paranoid with what I felt about the homosexual joke, I cpukdn understand. I am straight though!

I'm guessing by your level of scrupulosity, that you are either still a teenager or in your very early 20s.  Especially at that age, your hormones are running so wild you will be aroused by anything from time to time.  The vast majority of males have fleeting homosexual thoughts that begin the process of arousal from time to time.  That doesn't make you homosexual.  While the thoughts are disordered, they still happen naturally.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, so don't let yourself be ashamed by it.  If you have a fleeting homosexual arousal and nothing more, then you are probably a very healthy and normal heterosexual male.
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#6
St. Alphonsus Liguori suffered from scruples, may be a good saint to begin to develop a relationship with.
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#7
Do I have to confess impure homosexual thoughts or even homosexual thoughts? :(
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#8
(04-14-2017, 09:54 AM)GangGreen Wrote: St. Alphonsus Liguori suffered from scruples, may be a good saint to begin to develop a relationship with.

Just some thing to consider, I can't remember the exact quotes, so I am paraphrasing here, but St. Alphonsus also tells us that it is an infallible sign that we did not fall in a temptation if we called on Mary, so always call on Mary.  Usually whenever I have these temptations to impurity I just say Hail Mary's or Jesus and Mary save me, or Mary most pure, pray for me.  Usually after a minute it is gone. 

Another thing to remember that also helps me is if we are praying we are not sinning.

And again, and a thousand times again, do not be afraid to confess your sins! One thing I like to think about while I am in confession is that the priest is not the priest, but Christ.  Imagine you are talking to Christ, because you are.
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#9
(04-14-2017, 10:52 AM)Chelsea5 Wrote: Do I have to confess impure homosexual thoughts or even homosexual thoughts? :(

Impure thoughts are considered by several reputable moral theologians as the same kind of sin, no matter what you were thinking about. That's because what's sinful in an impure thought is taking joy in thinking and considering an thing which it is not illicit for you to consider. "What" that thing is doesn't change the kind of sin. Thus you can just say "impure thoughts" in the confessional.

You might add "without any actions or desire to commit other impure acts" so the priest understands clearly. Because people are often ashamed of these kinds of sins, they often will say "impure thoughts" when they mean much more, so a priest may ask if you don't let him know it was not more than thoughts.

n.b. You should consider yourself having committed this sin only when you deliberately and consciously fostered or continued to think about something impure after realizing that it was. Otherwise, you will feed your scruples. Temptation is not sin. Realizing a bad image has come into your head and trying to push it out is virtuous, not sinful.

Now, if you actually desired some impure action, "what" matters. If you had a desire to commit a homosexual act, that's different than a heterosexual. If you desired fornication, that's different from an unnatural sin.

So if you have a sinful impure desire, you need to confess what you desired.
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#10
I see thank you very much! So maybe that's why I have this feeling in my conscience that I shouldn't confess it in a way that I actually desired a homosexual act, I was close to doing that. One more thing though, (having ocd,weird thoughts get in my mind) so I dreamt about incest, which I will never ever do in real life, but I tried to remember it. I've never been kissed and for some reason my dream was pleasurable, so it kept on nagging and nagging in my mind to remember it, so I did and remembered what I felt intentionally, with my consent! then 2 seconds later I stopped..should I confess incest thoughts? ????  May God forgive me..
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